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Wishing I could turn back time....

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 7/2/2014 7:33 AM (GMT 0)
I know it's still early, but I do think I made a huge mistake having the surgery. I should be improving a little each day. That is definitely not the case. My hips are in the same pain they were before the surgery, constant pain. Muscle spasms all through my back almost anytime I so much as move. The posterior part of the surgery seems almost ok. It's sore/tender at incision, but honestly not too bad. But the anterior part is absolute agony. One huge knot right beside incision. Feels like a pull or a muscle spasm that won't release. My entire stomach hurts. Not just a little but ALOT!!! It's about a 6 inch incision to the left of my navel. The knot or whatever it is, located to the left of the incision. I rested the entire day, just took a shower and dressed. I did not walk, just through the house when I had to. I needed my son to help me off the couch this evening. I tried to get up and could not. He got me standing w/o a problem. But tears started streaming down my face as soon as I stood up. These changes started Monday when I was walking and have not gotten better at all. I did call the surgeon bc I had a couple questions. I explained all this to the nurse. When she called back, she said dr said it's "normal". So yesterday, Tuesday, I just thought I would take it easy and rest. Of course it hasn't helped at all. I guess I will call back when the office opens up. This is NOT " normal". I do not understand any of this. I had back surgery. My stomach is the worst part of all this. I know everything was moved around and all, but I don't think it should be hurting this bad, still. I've tried ice pack and moist heat. It didn't help. The Percocet and Valium isn't touching this. I cannot sleep bc of the pain. I can't get comfortable, even w pillows between my knees, one behind my back, one under my stomach. I just can't.... It is going to be another all nighter. I'm tired and want and need to sleep, but simply can't. My son is spending the night w a friend. My daughter is spending the night w my neighbor/friend accross the street. So it's just me and my sweet dog. My anxiety is high. I am scared. And I am tired of the surgeon saying everything is normal. I want to be seen. I want him to see and feel this knot before he just writes it off as "normal". Last week I asked for a referral for home health. I haven't heard anything on that either. If I could get someone from there to come and look at and feel this it would help too. I just wish I had not done the surgery at all. I've cried so many times yesterday, my eyes are still puffy. I'm scared something bad has happened. I feel I'm at the end of my rope.... My surgery was June 11th, so it has been 3 weeks ago today. I am not a whinney type person. My pain tolerance is usually pretty high. But this is more than I can bear. Once again, thank you for letting me come to such a great group of friends to vent. I'm sorry to be complaining so much.
Posted 7/2/2014 9:44 AM (GMT 0)
Ok anice, yes it's early in the game and yes the pain being as worse as before happens it's that knot I don't like. You had anterior access right? The incision runs parallel to your belly button or somewhat close? The first day after your walk it could have been a muscle in spasm but days later and being that big and painful I think it needs to be checked out. If your not getting past the receptionist or surgical nurse then personally my rear would be in the ER

The gain access to your spine thru the abdominal wall its always possible something has herniated. It's not doing your recovery one bit of good if your not getting up and moving or initiating any therapy soon not to mention the state of mind sweety thinking you made a mistake and feeling glum.

Its coming up on a holiday weekend, a long one so get it checked out prior to your Dr leaving. If you have a primary get in and let him look at it if you dont want to do the ER but either of them would call your surgeon if something doesn't look right.

Hang in there and don't throw in the towel just yet on this surgery. Take one thing at a time one day at a time.
Posted 7/2/2014 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Vickie, thank you for responding. I haven't been up long, as I was up all night until about 6:30,. I am going to call the dr in a few minutes. I need coffee first.
Yes, the incision is just as you said. And I have 2 in my back. I had anterior and posterior done. The ones is the back are doing good and not bothering me bad.
I cannot afford to do an ER visit. I already have 2 copays I owe. Hopefully, he will get me in there so he can see and feel this before he automatically said it's normal. So far, that has been his answer to everything.
I have been walking until this happened on Monday. And I still make myself get up and walk through the house even though the pain is unbearable.
My next check up is on July 16. After that visit , I will be starting PT. That is how it was explained to me anyway.
Yes, my mood is definitely not at its best right now. It's bc of the pain and being out of work so long. I've been 4 months out of work and living on 60% of my income. I've always been able, a learned cope skill, to suck it up and keep going. I can't do that with this.
And I will work on my mindset and try to get back to the one day at a time.
I'm going to call dr office now and get the message back there.
Posted 7/2/2014 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
If you cannot get into the doctor, then go to the ER, and they might be able to finance the co-pays or maybe work with you on this, but I agree with Vicki and you might need your incision drained and an antibotic, check and see if your running a fever if you have a fever then consider going to the ER...

Keep us posted, very worried about you. Prayers..
Posted 7/2/2014 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
I want to send many prayers and positive thoughts that you will recover from this surgery! It is possible you'll have a great recovery!

I remember how horrible my back surgery was, and while it didn't help...I'd probably still do it again if there was even a small change of it helping with the pain...

Recovering from surgery is horrible...not just from the pain, but being stuck and unable to not do much of anything :/

Wishing you the best!
Posted 7/2/2014 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Anice,

I am so sorry that you are hurting. I know how you feel. I wish I could turn back time too. But I couldn't help my wreak. I am scared that your pain meds are not working. I have been thinking of going back on mine, but if their not helping you, now I'm scared they won't work for me. I really hope you get better! Praying for you.

Jodi

Post Edited (AngelsmamaDorseysdaughter) : 7/2/2014 12:34:11 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/2/2014 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
Anice,

I am so sorry that you're in so much pain. I just watched Robin Roberts and she lives by "This too shall pass". I am trying to remember this every minute as I deal with my pain. It seems like most on this forum deal with a great deal of pain in someway. That gives me comfort to know I'm not the only one!
Posted 7/3/2014 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
Ann I know things are really tough for you right now, and when your really hurting it makes it all that much harder, but believe me it will pass and it will get better! I know when I had that posterior fusion in my neck and they put in the rods and pins in it. I was in allot of pain for a very long time, and I to went through a period a few weeks after the surgery, wondering if I had made a mistake having it done. Ann it wasn't till I started physical therapy, and it was, even then a few more weeks into it, before the pain started letting up and I started to feel that maybe I done the right thing after all! But it was along time after the surgery before I felt that way! Heck even with this pain pump surgery I had, and I had that just a couple of days before your surgery I think.  My stomach is still really sore where they put the pump in! The incision has healed really well, but I bumped my belly on the back of the recliner, right where the pump is, and I thought I was going to go through the roof, talk about hurt and pain!!! 

Anyway Ann when all is said and done, you can't go back, and all you can do now is just keep moving forward! "What if's"  doesn't do you any good, so now you just have to force your self to put on your positive thinking hat, and tell yourself that your going to get through this, and it will be all right in the end!  One way or another it will work out! Even if it is not exactly the way you might have planned it! Right now, Just take one day at a time, and know that we are all here for you!

White Beard

Posted 7/8/2014 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
Anice,
So how are you doing now? Did the dr see you or give you some help? We would love to know.

I hope you and/or your kids were able to enjoy the 4th of July. Fireworks did not appeal to me very much so we watched on TV along with good music.

Hope you are feeling much better, or at least a little better and adjusting to your recovery. It sounds like a very hard surgery.
Posted 7/8/2014 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't spent much time on here lately. I want each of you to know that I truly appreciate your comments and support. This has not been even close to good times, but I will try as White Beard said and put on my positive thinking hat. I know attitude has a great deal to do with both pain and recovery. I also know mine stinks right now, but I am aware of it and I know I must make the needed changes. Not only do I owe it to my kids, I owe it to myself. Things could always be worse. I am alive and breathing! I have 2 beautiful healthy children. I have a roof over my head. There is food in the frig & cabinets. And I have friends that care. I need to focus on those thoughts and get these other ones out of my mind. I need to be grateful to simply be alive. Time moves so quickly. I have spent a great deal of time crying, not bc I feel sorry for myself, bc I don't. But bc of the pain and the feeling that my life, as I knew it, was ripped out from underneath me like a rug. This, all of it, seems too much to bear at times. I just need to try a little harder. I'm thankful to have such a wonderful place to come and vent. You all are the best!!
Posted 7/9/2014 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
Ann you do have allot of friends that care allot about YOU!! And allot of them are right here at this forum! Just remember the old trite saying "" when you get served LEMONS you make LEMONAID!!!""

I know your having a rough time of it, but try not to stress yourself to much, if you need to have additional surgery to repair your previous surgery, get it done! As for cost.... wouldn't the previous surgeon be at least partially responsible?? Depending on what is actually wrong???

Anyway just take one day at a time! Let the help and strength of your family and friends give you strength and courage and positive energy to get through each day!

We're here for you!

White Beard
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