"just keep fighting"

What keeps you guys "fighting"
I'm really feeling like I have nothing to fight for anymore...
no kids, husband, friends, job....they say one day at a time but when the next day is the same, or worse than the day before what reason do you have to keep "fighting"?

i just keep fighting. i fight like expletive hell. if i don't i am gone. i deserve, as you and us all deserve some wellness, and if ya fight you are showing guts to not give in. harder to fight easier to surrender. i don't suffer with anything, 'i live with' etc, etc. still it sucks big time, it is hell but i don't let it eat me too much. it is for me all about management. and pure guts.

AngMichelle, I know this isn't what you were referring to, but for many it is a passion that keeps them going. Try getting involved in making the Tenessee Medicaid system better. Most, if not all states, need imput from those who receive their services. Stakeholders aren't just Medicaid Providers, they are also Medicaid Receipents. If you wanted to get further involved, you could go and talk to the politicians in your state that sit on the committees that control is cut and what is added.

I know it isn't what you're talking about. But, most Medicaid Receipents aren't able to fight for themselves and they need someone to stand up for them. You never know, it could turn into something you love doing. I know you're on disability now, but you never know, you could find something that could work into a job. One of my jobs was something I started out doing as a volunteer from home one of the times I was pregnant. After I had the baby, they ask me to come to work for them. I did several different jobs in my career, but that job was my favorite.

Dixie6, you said it much better than I did. It doesn't matter what it is, but everyone needs a passion, something that gets them up in the morning and keeps them going when they can't go any more. Some people have several passions, some have only one. What I said about Medicaid was just an example. AngMichelle, if I remember correctly, I've read where you really like oils. Maybe you could do something where you can share with others how oils might help them. They won't work for everyone, but nothing does. And being with others who understand your pain and you understand theirs can be a win win situation for everyone.

On top of my regular pain, I've got a sinus infection and it's getting ready to rain and get cold again. Sorry if my reply seemed more out in left field than usual.

It takes so much effort to fight each and every day. It is so exhausting-sometimes I get exhausted just thinking about tomorrow.

But-getting up each and every day, fighting that exhaustion, makes us STRONG!
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A friend gave me a butterfly necklace with this story.

Struggle is Good! I Want to Fly!


Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.

The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.

One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.

The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.

At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!

The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!

As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.

But neither happened!

The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

It never was able to fly…

As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.


As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.
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I wish I had an answer that would help you and fix the situation-quickly. Maybe find a place to volunteer in an area that interests you? I have a friend who rocks the babies in the NICU, another that helps in a no-kill shelter. I just picked kids and animals because they are both cute and drool.

I wish we could all meet in person, but know that we are here to support you. Let us know how you are doing.

I have said and will say again sweety your giving your pain too much control! Confront it, name it, talk to it and deal with it just as you would any other feelings. Your the bigger stronger entiety and its only as big and cotrolling and important as you let it get.

These folks your friends have given you some excellent suggestions since pain attempts to rob us of who and what we are we have to find ways to be more. Fill your life first with small things in small doses and those things will grow in importance to you as you start to feel important to it. M&G have the right idea and passion is an awesome motivator it evokes emotion and emotions are Natural endorphins and help us feel relief if only briefly its like a SA or rescue med.

You need to feel needed and have value to something and someone, its human nature and our pain doesn't fullfill that void, it doesn't need you it uses you, its a parasite feeding off a host, stop feeding it and it dwindles and fades.

Reading to the elderly at a Nursing home, VA center, calling shut ins to just check on them, volunteer at your local shelter to dog walk or just visit in the cat room to keep them from shying away from human contact, foster a animal, find a cause your voice could make a difference in, join a book club, the possibilities are endless, you have sight and hearing and could be valuable to those who don't just helping make grocery lists filling out apps for housing employement, social security, find something to dwell on other than your misery and your body and soul will heal and you will be better for it.

Stop giving your life to your pain its not that important in the scheme of things.

I'm miserable really. I too can't understand why the same clinic 3 months ago had me on Oxycontin and Morphine, but suddenly 3 moths later, I have to see the PM DR and not the NP, and he"s taken me down to 7.5 of hydrocodone. When I started at this clinic it was mainly for left arm...now add surgery pain from Rt. shoulder....but yet they Decrease my meds.
I also tried to start Cymbalta but my insurance will only pay for Effexor-which makes me manic like and so sick. I can't seem to find mental health care that isn't CRAP bc of my medicaid. The only clinic we have is the same one who last said 'we're not going to give you meds to just go overdose on" and sent me on my way with prozac-that gives me migraines, and concelor who you had to remind every week who you were and why you were there(she had SO many clients).
Its frustrating when you can't get the care you need and deserve.
I wake up each day (if I get the luxury of sleep) but thats about all I can do right now...

I feel the combo of PAIN, Depression, withdrawl, and so much more going on right now is just taking too big of a tole on me....I'm afraid of whats to come (not suicidal-I just know my body starts shutting down when It gets overwhelmed)

#i'm going to start a new post about a dx I've never shared with you all(i don't think) that makes life really such and complicated- Conversion Disorder

Vicki, i totally hear you.
My signature dx's are only a few of many. My arm is a chemical burn with massive scarring and muscle and nerve damage inside out. Emg just affirmed this. My shoukder will no linger dislocated but the pain "will never go away" according to Ortho bc of joint deteriation, ulnar nerve damage, extreme righting required to stabilize, etc. the endo I have has treated with BC, Lupron, surgery, ovary removed etc. The scar tissue is so bad there is nothing that can really be done and I'm not ready for hysterectomy. I have a connective tissue type disorder that causes wide spread pain. I have a thing with my cells causing bone pain. I have Lyme symptoms -no dr I can afford treats or really believes in chronic Lyme. I do natural things for that. And it goes on and on

Mental illness wise-I have had ECT, TMS, meds, therapy of all acronyms, couceling, and more meds. Right now I can't find the help i need bc if insurance and budget problems. I have been treated for Conversion for years in various ways.

So I have had all things investigated, aone proven some not understood and some ignored.


I have plenty of reasons for at least low dose ER pain meds, etc.

I have tried so hard for so long with so many things nobody knows what to so anymore to help me.

But I really do understand what your saying. My main issue i think is my pm and other drs don't. Take the time to look at my WHOLE history not just one symptom at a time