Conversion Disorder....

Hi AngMichelle,

Even if you do have a conversion disorder (and don't know whether or not you do or you do not), that does NOT mean that you are faking it, or that your symptoms are not real. It just means that for whatever reason your body is subconsciously responding to some perceived stressful or threatening psychological stimuli by producing these physical symptoms. It's not something that you have any control over! It's just your body's way of trying to deal with overwhelming psychological stimuli, or protect itself from some perceived threat. Although the physical symptoms are not caused by a physiologic abnormality, they are no less real than if they were.

As an example of how certain stimuli can produce physical reactions, think about the medic who gets nauseous and light headed when dealing with a burn patient. You name it, that person has seen it before: blood, guts, gore, etc. And normally, they have no problems. However, when dealing with this particular patient there is not only the visual stimuli, but also olfactory stimuli as well. Visually, the medic has no problems -- he doesn't think that there is anything gross about how the patient looks. But the intense, overwhelming smell of burnt flesh subconsciously triggers something that results in his brain saying "woah, this is too much! I can't handle this. I need to protect myself." And as a result, the medic feels really dizzy and nauseous, like he could pass out. In this example, the stimuli was sensory, not psychological, as in the case with conversion disorders. But it is the same type of concept.

Triggers can be anything from stress, to a traumatic event, or even severe, uncontrolled PAIN! Think about it, the definition of pain includes a negative EMOTIONAL response to actual or potential tissue damage. Pain is meant to tell our body that something is wrong. So naturally, pain in itself is a threatening emotional (psychological) stimuli. Not to mention all the additional stress that being in pain causes -- i.e. fear of more or worsening pain, stress over physical limitations caused by pain, stress over the financial repercussions of being chronically ill, stress over our friends and loved ones not understanding what it is like to be in chronic pain, and how it affects us on so many levels, depression from being chronically ill and/or disabled, etc, etc, etc. And then that stress leads to more pain, which leads to more stress... It's a vicious cycle. And that takes a huge toll on our bodies.

So isn't it reasonable that your body could just be trying to deal with these immense THREATENING emotional stressors (including pain) the only way it knows how -- by converting and manifesting them as some concrete physical symptom: be it a seizure, or whatnot?

It's just your body's way of saying/alerting you that something is really wrong, to the point where your body thinks it is in real danger. And that something needs to be done to get those stressors under control. Be that better pain control, anti-depressants or anti-anxiolytics, stress reduction therapy... You need to identify the root cause of the problem before you can fix it/prevent it from happening again.

But please don't think that the diagnosis of a conversion disorder just means that "it is all in your head" or that you are "faking it." Yes, it is caused by your head. But there is a reason for that, and this whole process is not under your control.

Anyways, I'm sorry for all that you are going through. I hope this helps some. Hang in there.

Skeye

Post Edited (skeye) : 1/3/2015 11:44:24 PM (GMT-7)

Touche' to both previous posts.  I completely agree, and as always Ang...I send ((HUGS)) of support.

~~Dixie

Everyone else has such wonderful wisdom to offer, as always.

I don't know much about that dx, but I wish that, on top of everything else, you didn't have to feel embarrassed about it.

I have a condition that I haven't discussed much but mentioned in passing on this board called persistent genital arousal disorder. Now, just the NAME of that is embarrassing, let alone what the condition actually IS (so bad I won't even describe it here). So, I understand where you're coming from, and I just want to tell you it is not your FAULT or your CHOICE to have this. You can't just "snap out of it" and sadly some people believe you can, because it's an 'invisible' illness, so to speak.

My heart breaks for you, and I wish you all the best.

Thank you all so much. Really.
The hardest part of this, is most assume since its not "medical" but rather mental, one should have control over it. I have been told "stop having seizure in a hospital and maybe you won't get cpr or intubated" like I had control. "since its not originating as and electrical impulse that means you can control it right" or "if you just handle your stress you could control this stuff' and on and on and on. Usually things that could be dangerous are left untreated or ignored and the conversion is always to blame. Just recently I had severe ovarian pain ( I already lost one and want to save the one I have). The NP refused to do an ultrasound bc the urine was normal, said I had cramps and send me home. Said if it was a ruptured cyst i wouldn't be in pain any more...come to find out it is a LARGE cyst still there and seeking fluid ever so slowly. But what if it had been a torsion? they'd never know bc they don't care anymore.
Just last night I started having seizure like ticks, clucking with my tongue like when I seize, I woke with my shoulder frozen, a swollen ovary with cyst, and chest crud. SO its almost laughable that things will just never be the "normal' i want. I have to realize that despite that, I have to find what my best life can look like.

I don't mean to be so negative in all my post here recently, but its all getting old and tiring.
I even have that awful mindset at times, of "at least if it was cancer I would know what I'm fighting and people would help me". Now God forbid that ever happen, and I apologize to those out there that DO fight that battle everyday.
Really getting this dx years ago was NO answer what-so-ever, just another reason for most people that PRACTICE medicine to just blame me even more. {I say the word Practice with emphasis bc they have mastered nothing, just practice daily.}

I really really do appreciate all the care and concern you guys have shown me here recently and over the years.
One day I prove all these people wrong that I am indeed not crazy, and will be so well. I hope i can walk-into one of these hospitals with a nursing, COTA, RT, or other professional badge rather than a patient bracelet, as I dreamed of so long ago.
I just want to be somebody again. Someone with purpose and LIFE.
On the advice of Vicki and many, I will do my best not to give this pain and problem so much power!
(i did this with my attacker. I said everyday I lived in fear and trepidation I was giving him more and more power so I decided to end that (to the best of my ability) then and there. I guess I need to do the same in this situation.

I can't wait to teach others about dx's such as "pseudo seizures", to advocate on getting the best mental health care, not just a pill- that is affordable to ALL. *it infuriates me that your healthcare, Be it cancer treatment, back surgery or mental health care is based on what you can afford, but rather there should be a HIGH standard of care be set for all.
I hope to one day use my trials to bring good to others. I hold on to that hope that all the things my life has thrown at me will not ever be in vain.