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Posted 3/24/2008 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

I hope you don't think im being nosey but i'd really like to know what kind of work/hours you all do and how you cope? I'm struggling with work so much. I've been in my job for 4 years and have gone part time for the past year. At first this suited me great but it's gradually getting too much for me again.

Im not having a flare or anything but i never feel well, im constantly tired, have to spend an hour in the bathroom every morning then when i get in from work i usually just sleep the aftrenoon away. I get terrible wind/bloating and digestive noises (very loud) and im always uncomfortable, i have to sit through long meetings everyday and my office is silent which i find torturous.Im crying everyday and am constantly anxious. I just don't know what to do anymore. Im always on the look out for a new jobs but either the money's not enough or the hours are too long or there's some aspect of it that i know i'd really struggle with.

I hope you dont think im being pathetic but i've had 10 years of this now and it's really getting on top of me, thanks for reading x

Posted 3/24/2008 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
Pippy,

I worked in the Intelligence field and was working pretty long hours. Unfortunately I had to walk away from that job (a few months ago) b/c my body was unable to stay in remission. I am going to take about six months off and then find a less stressful job to do. I have no clue what field I want to work in, but know that I won't work full days.

I think if you try to force yourself to exercise you may feel a little better =) I hope everything works out for you!

-Emma
Posted 3/24/2008 5:57 PM (GMT 0)
I am a full time law student and I work part time. In the summers I work full time for a law firm and don't have school. My crohns is not very severe. I used to be a juvenile corrections officer and had some problems with having access to the bathroom. I needed to call someone to take over for me when I needed a break and you know how tough that could be. I think school and the law firm is a welcome break because I have complete bathroom access. Everyone there knows about my crohns so I am not embarassed to get up and leave a meeting if I need to.

As far as your office being quiet, why don't you bring in some white noise. Play music softly, run a fan, or just have a white noise machine. I doubt anyone would care and they might enjoy the noise. Lots of offices have white noise machines in waiting rooms to keep people that are waiting from overhearing confidential information.

Don't forget to make the accomodations you need to make you more comfortable.
Posted 3/24/2008 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Thankyou for your replies. I've tried everything to make my work environment more comfortable-bought a radio but my boss wont let us have it on, a fan in summer and heater for winter but it's never on longer than 5 mins before someone complains and turns it off. I don't want to leave my job but i can't carry on feeling like this, the anxiety is unbearable.
Posted 3/24/2008 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
I am an administrative assistant for Human Resources and payroll.  The stress of knowing information I didn't want to know (who was about to be canned, who was sleeping with the boss, etc.) caused me to get really sick and leave the last 2 jobs.  I was next in line to be HR Manager at one of those places, but decided that I couldn't physically handle that stress. Now, I work at a University where the work weeks are 37.5 hours long and the work load is much less.  I am on intermittent FMLA so that I can go to all of my appointments and take off when I need to without feeling guilty or like a bad employee.  My boss knows and is great about it and has gotten permission for me to use a personal heater even though the building mgmt said we couldn't, since the winter has been killing my arthritis.  The bathroom isn't far, although about 20 women have to share it.  Luckily, I don't have D.  When asked where I want to move up to in the company, I said up a little, but not too much due to the stress.  The current situation seems to be working very well for me.  But, the last 2 did not, so it may just take a little while to find the right fit.  Good luck!   

Posted 3/24/2008 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
pippy - do you see a therapist? I let my anxiety start to really take over my life. I was becoming afraid to drive to work. The therapist really really helped me out with this. There are also anxiety meds you can try as well. REgarding the quiet... you cant have a radio and you can't really do the fan/heater, could you ask your boss about getting a white noise machine? Without getting into too much detail you can just say that your condition makes your stomach make loud noises and you would be more comfortable if they were masked. I'm sorry that your work isn't very helpful. Are they aware of your condition? What kind of work do you do?
Posted 3/24/2008 9:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Pippy. I am a police officer and am currently ina position that is not in patrol. I work a LOT of hours and I am on call a lot, but I have a GREAT boss. I worked patrol and investigations for many years but when I had a bad flare and was hospitalized I knew I had to slow down a bit. I work about 50 hrs a week. I found that I fared bette with my boss by being open with him about my illness and how I am doing. I agree with the others with the point if you are miserable..it may be time to move on....Good luck!
Posted 3/24/2008 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
I work as an Accountant. 37.50 hours per week which is full-time. I have a desk job with very little supervision. I recently built a house 2 miles from work so if things get really bad during the day, I can run home. I can also work from home, if I need to. I don't like going to the bathroom at work as there could be a number of women in there at any given time (plus our toilet paper BITES) but other than that I definitely have the best set up workwise that I could ask for.

I totally understand your feeling bad all the time, even when the Crohn's isn't all that active. I get very lethargic and feel run down A LOT and I often have a hard time concentrating at work. Sometimes I have fleeting gut pains that I have to breathe through and I just pray at that time noone walks into my office seeing me in that kind of pain. I also have "extra-intestinal" issues that always seem to creep up and make me feel rotten even if my bowels are doing OK that day. For example, right now I have a UTI and low iron. Both of which make me feel like I can hardly keep my head up.

You're NOT pathetic! You're coping with an INCURABLE, CHRONIC disease. The majority of us here on this board understand EXACTLY where you're coming from. Good luck on the job...I hope you can find something you can bear.
Posted 3/24/2008 10:25 PM (GMT 0)
I am a behavior specialist-I am self employed with contracts with two agencies. Because I am a contractor not an employee I have lots of advantages. If I go to work and then can't stay no one can say anything if I leave-I set my own hours. I never sign contracts with rigid hours or that all my contracts together would equal more than thirty hours. No one can complain if I have multiple doctors appointments in one month or if I need to sleep late one morning. Without these accomidations I would probably be unable to keep a job. Mind you I don't use any of these privalages more than I absolutely have to because the agencies I work with are awesome and I want my contract renewed every year.
Sj
Posted 3/25/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Thankyou all for taking the time to reply, you've made me feel a bit better. A few things-

-what's a white noise machiene? Never heard of one!

-my boss is fully aware of my condition, he's actually very flexible and easy going (apart from the radio thing). The problems really just come from my own insecurities and i just cannot feel comfortable in a deadly silent office for up to 6 hours a day.

I've never felt in such a pickle. I feel like if i leave this job im failing big style. I worked so hard, dragged myself through university and now can't hold down a job. I've always tried never to let the crohn's get in the way of anything but it's impossible and the thought of leaving soley because of this really upsets me but i've given everything i can to make this work and i've just got nothing left.

I think the bottom line is that i need to stop dwelling on what i'd be giving up and just keep telling myself that you only get one shot at this life and it's way to short to spend it being miserable, the past 4 years have been very unhappy for me (work wise, im blissfully happy in my personal life but the work thing clouds everything).

I need to play the hand i've been delt and stop trying to live the life i would have had without the crohn's even if that means giving up a great job.

Anyway, enough rambling from me, god, i think i do need some kind of therapy, i sound crazy!!

PS, i've got low iron at the moment too which doesn't help my brain when it's trying to sort out these problems!!x
Posted 3/25/2008 6:54 PM (GMT 0)
Pippy, you can't look at it as though you are failing.  Whether you leave a job because of Crohn's or for any other reason, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, it just means it wasn't the best place for you to be.  I also struggled with giving up my dream of being an HR Manager when two HR Assistant positions made me physically sick.  What would I do now?  I had no clue what I wanted to be if not an HR Manager and, quite honestly, if somewhere were to ask me now what my goal job is, I still can't answer that other than to say that my goal job is a job where I can do my work without getting sick.  I'm "settling" for a lower paying job (I have a degree also) but, if it keeps me healthier and happier, it is worth it to lose out on a bigger salary and better sounding title.   
Posted 3/25/2008 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
I know you're right Zena, it's not failure but i do feel like im letting everyone down, i feel like such a burden, especially on my parents: they've pretty much given me their life savings so that i could get my mortgage down to an amount i could manage whilst working part time and now i'm not coping again. All i want, like you, is a little part time job that i can do with no-stress but that doesn't pay the bills does it?!

On top of this, my husband and i would really love to start trying for a baby but i don't see how i could carry a baby whilst going through such anxiety everyday. I don't know whether to start trying and then go off sick if it all gets too much (i've got a good attendance record so far) or if i should get a new job and then start trying.

The other thing that gets to me is that im so good at hiding all this. I walk around with a big smile, always happy and chiry- no-one can see what's happening inside, people have no clue how bad this disease can make you feel. Not that i'd want an illness that everyone can see, it's good to be able to act 'normal' most of the time.

Please feel free to ignore this post, it;s good to write everything down, im just thinking out loud!!x
Posted 3/25/2008 7:47 PM (GMT 0)
If you really want to give it one last shot I highly recommend you see a therapist before quitting your job. It really sounds like you are suffering from anxiety issues and a good therapist can help with this and maybe even recommend an anti-anxiety med. Qutting your job would not be failing but what you are describing is a side effect of having crohns, not necessarily the crohns itself. It doesn't sound like you are quitting because you are in too much pain, can't get off the toilet, etc. Its your anxiety about your dead quiet office and your gut. I would consider seeing a therapist and then if you realize that it is beyond your control, then quit. But really, what can it hurt?

And a white noise machine just makes a swooshy sound like static or something that just kind of muffles other noises without being distracting. It makes silence less silent. We have them in the library at my school outside of the professors offices so that people can't listen to the conversations and can still study in peace.

PIPPY- I apologize I did not realize I had already suggested you see a therapist.  Sorry for the double suggestion.

Posted 3/25/2008 7:50 PM (GMT 0)
Pippy I have lived with Crohns for over 32 years and I can tell you that I didn't start having problems with anxiety until a few months ago. I have worked for a Wall Street firm for over 18 years. My bosses are supportive and understanding, so are my family and friends. The anxiety is just me. I have started seeing a therapist and it has helped more than you can know. I also take Xanax when things get to be too much. I really think therapy would really help you. We are living with a chronic and uncurable disease. Who wouldn't be anxious.


God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*
Posted 3/25/2008 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thankyou for your kind replies. I think some counselling would help as im anxious literally all the time. From the very start of this disease i've struggled with quiet places and i've somehow got myself into a job that means i have to sit in silence for hours everyday! But therapy would mean i have to sit in a quiet room aswell and i don't want to do that! anyway, i've worn myslef out now-going for a nice long bath. Thanks again everyone
Posted 3/27/2008 12:04 PM (GMT 0)

Pippy,

I too am experiencing the same feelings.  Anxiety, depression, feeling like a burden, sick of this DD and feeling sorry for myself because this is my life!  Two months ago I reached a low point and decided I needed to talk to my PCP.  I had already been taking zoloft for the depression, but the anxiety did not go away.  She sent me to a therapist, and I really believe she is helping me sort through things.  I homeschool my son and am a Princess House Consultant part-time.  I can manage this, because I am able to set my our hours and do parties as little or as often as I want.  I can not even imagine trying to work a full time job!  Before our son was born (he's 12 now) I was a customer service rep. for an insurance agency.  Very stressful occupation, could not even imagine going back to that!  I have constant D and also have the noises from my gut.  I too have been living with this for a long time and also have always walked around with a smile, tried to hide how I really felt (didn't even share my pain, how tired I am all the time, all the joint pains ect.).  At some point something snapped and I just could not keep up the act anymore.  For me, I think for all those years I was trying to pretend everthing was okay...even though I knew it wasn't.  The pressure of keeping up the act, never allowing myself to get behind on housework or schoolwork, never allowing anything to be out of place; basically trying to be perfect finally caught up with me.  This is a horrible D that hangs over us every day and constantly reminds us that this is the hand we've been dealt, who wouldn't eventually become anxious!  The people who are in our life sometimes have a very hard time understanding all of the health problems that come along with crohn's.  In the end, I believe we have to stop being so hard on ourselves.  We did not choose this life, but we have to live it.  If you are like me it is very hard to stop judging ourselves.  When I catch myself doing this I mentally try to talk myself out of the feeling, the times where it doesn't work is when I don't catch myself.  Hope things get better for you, I am also fairly new to this site, but have already figured out it was a blessing that I stumbled across it.

Posted 3/27/2008 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thankyou hsm, i really do need to stop being so hard on myself. I've picked myself back up the last couple of days. This is what happens, i plod along then the anxiety builds up and i have a bit of an emotional 'meltdown' then i pull myself together and so it continues. I just know that i can't continue like this forever and that eventually i wont be able to pull myself back ,maybe i need to reach that point before people realise i need some help (by that 'point', i mean not being able to hide that im struggling and crying publically instead of in private and not being able to get to work).

It's really helped seeing other peoples situations. It's hard when all my friends seem to just float through life without a care and i feel like im dragging a heavy load but reading all your messages makes me realise im not alone and im actually doing pretty well. I know there's professional help out there for me and when the time comess, i'll ask for it.
Posted 3/27/2008 1:54 PM (GMT 0)

Pippy,

No, you are not alone, but the place we all are can really stink at times.  Don't wait too long to seek help....I did and it is going to be an even longer road back for me.

Posted 4/1/2008 5:02 PM (GMT 0)

Hi I work as a new patient coordinator for a cancer center 40 hours a week.  I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease 9 years ago when I was 22.  Recently I also had a miscarriage while I was just starting on Humira. sad   I also have a 45 minute commute just one way.  I am so tired by Friday that I go to bed at 7:00pm!  My attendance isn't that great at work either. I try to communicate with my boss but sometimes that doesn't seem like enough.  They still make me feel bad for having this disease.  I don't have any friends because of this disease too.  They have all deserted me because they don't understand this disease or want to understand it.  I just try to take it one day at time.  I guess that's what you have to do.  I feel the same way you do.  Sometimes I feel like just having my colon removed just to get it over with.  But I don't want to give up either.  Well Good luck, the support on this site is great!

Missyjack

Posted 4/1/2008 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Pippy I know what you are going through and when i was doing so bad I started taking paxil. The doctor put me on 20 mg but i only take 10 mg a day and that suits me fine i dont have any anxiety anymore. Also I found a wonderful anxiety doctor that helped me through the anxiety. There is a book out that used the same tech. as he did and that book is called panic to power by Lucinda Bassett. If you check it out there is alot of info in there that might help you and it was written by someone who actually suffered anxiety for years not someone who just thinks they know what you are feeling that is what i really liked about it to. Try to think positive that is the key to overcoming the anxiety. Good luck and god bless you. Barb
Posted 4/1/2008 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
Pippy, I too have been through this. I worked in Public Educaton. When we lost the funding for our program, I was offered a job an hour away. That was then that I decided I couldn't go back. I too was working part-time, having been full-time before. The best thing I did for myself was create a business that I could work at from home. I still struggle with my Crohn's. But, I can take my time and if I feel bad, then I rest. My children say that I'm a different person. The stress of dealing with this disease in a public arena is very stressful. I hope you can find something that will suit your life! Best of luck and good wishes.
Posted 4/1/2008 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
can you listen to a port. CD/radio player with earsets?
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