How did you tell your family?

Hi Megera, I've had to tell my family members about several health issues. Since they are mostly auto-immune (like Lupus and Crohn's) I explain that "my immune system is attacking my connective tissue." Or "my immune system is attacking my gut." If they ask more questions, then I give them a bit more info. If they don't pursue more info, I drop it. Recently dx'd with crohn's . . . I told the closest and emailed the rest. That way I could carefully tell what is going on and not have them stuck with having to respond immediately to embarrassing stuff. One called, one emailed back, etc. They've each handled it in "their own way". I know what you mean with the elderly . . . I'm really careful how I explain to my 87 yr old M-I-L because it really is upsetting to them. Because your grandparents will be able to "see you" it will be easier for them to believe that you are OK. Remind them that you've had these issues for a long time, but that the docs finally have a name for it and that now it can be properly treated. That seems to help too. Blessings!

I just blurted it out because I was still in shock...and that's just me.

Honestly, no matter how gently you try to break it to them they're gonna get upset so because everyone handles bad news differently, find a way that's suited to that...once the initial shock wears off they're always gonna be worried about you anyways.

:)

Pretty much everyone in my extended family that we talk to knows about my Crohn’s because they all knew I was in the hospital for something serious and most were visiting me in the hospital around the time we found out I have IBD. Also, my great uncle has CD so he was definitely someone we called when we found out. There wasn’t too much reaction that I remember. People think it sucks and worry, but there’s not much else they can do.
I don’t hide my disease, I tell people as it comes up. I don’t have the time or energy to worry about who knows what so I’m just always honest…it’s easier.

I do not have any parents living but we do tell my husband's parents the necessities as we feel they have a right to know.  As a parent, no matter what age I am, I will always want to know what is happening with my children and grandchildren.

I am sure your grandparents will appreciate a simple explanation from you as they already sense something is not right.

Just my 2 cents.  Take care and whatever you decide to do will be the right thing.
Kitt

Maybe it is because I have mild crohns but I don't see why this would be a big deal to tell your family. Its not like a death sentence. I guess I had problems for so long that my family was just happy that I found out what was wrong with me and I could start taking medication and maybe feeling better. Yeah it sucks that you have to deal with this for life but you were probably feeling sick anyway before you were diagnosed. Most people with crohns still live totally normal lives. You might be surprised, they might not be as upset as you thought.

"I don't see why this would be a big deal to tell your family"


It's only my grandmother I'm worried about telling because she is famous for making a mountain out of a mole hill and will go all "woe is me" about it.

I don't know... Now I'm annoyed a bit because no one seems to get why it might be a big deal to tell some family members - it's great most of you seem to have awesome supportive family and I do for the most part. And sure, I might be wrong and for once in my life my grandma might decide to be level headed and supportive but considering her track record I'm not counting on it!!

*sigh*

When I tell people I say, "I have Crohn's disease."


If they look confused I say, "I have big time stomach problems." I really have never cared how other people deal with it, to be honest. I figure I have enough to worry about without thinking about who knows and who doesn't and what they think. This also goes for my bosses at work and closer co-workers. I really don't have the energy or desire to worry about what they think. This is been my attitude from day 1.

It's worked for me.

I said it also goes for bosses and co-workers, not only goes for bosses and co-workers (ie. Family, friends, coworkers, my dog, my favorite pencil, etc.). Like I said, it worked for me.

When I started graduate school my mother and younger sister were living in Germany. I got sick one month into my first semester. At first we thought it was mono or some other virus. After several months I had to tell my mother that it seemed to be more serious than that but no one knew what it was. She flipped out-largely because she was so far away. First she had her brother (my favorite uncle) find me a new doctor because I was only seeing the guy in the college clinic.
Then she took Emergency Medical Leave to fly back to the states for six weeks to take care of me. Now I love my mother and it was great that she could come back but it was twice as hard with her their. Everything needed to be done on her schedule which ment immediately. She did not get that a doctors appointment was exhausting and might be the only thing I could do all day. She did not get that I trusted this new doctor a lot and I knew she would find answers so she grilled my doctor and I almost had to tell the doctor not to talk to her anymore.
Once she went back to Germany things got a little easier and by then I had prepared her for the RA autoimmune thing because that is what my doc had been guessing all along. As freaked out as she got about this (she was constantly saying things like-you are too young to have arthritis-like I got to control that) she did not learn anything about RA or chronic illness she just likes to decide everynow and then that I should have better meds or better docs.

When you tell your gramma she will be upset. Reassure her that you are doing what is best for you, that you have (or are looking for) a good doctor. Reassure her that they can treat this. Then tell her two or three things that you do to look after your health. You tell her these things so she can nag you about them-if you tell her you need to eat a certain food or avoid a certain food she will watch that like a hawk. Then she feels like she has some control and you have selected what area of your life she will be monitoring.

Hope this helps.
Sj

Hmmm...then don't mention what you can and cant eat-bring books and tell her you have to sleep a lot-that way you have an escape route when you need it.
Sj

FitzyK23 i don't think you take this disease very serious from your post. How do you define most people live normal lives with Crohn's. I know many people that have Crohn's through my Remicade infusions and they don't live normal lives trust me. I have had a good friend that did die from this disease she was 45 years old.

Sorry about this post but i hate it when i see people post most people live normal lives.

Good idea pb4!!
Thanks!