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Feeling a little sad. Is a social life possible?

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Posted 10/17/2008 11:40 AM (GMT 0)
I am new to this site and just wanted to share with other CD friends. I am not having a particular good night.
Is it possible to have any social life with CD?
I am thinking not. I have been suffering with CD for nearly 20 years.
I am 35yo, single.
I was quite excited today, as I felt quite well this morning.
We had a social event after work today and for the first time in a while, I was contemplating on attending and trying to enjoy myself.
Well that was the plan.
Then CD reared its ugly head in the afternoon and the burning and soreness started and it got to the stage it was difficult to sit, walk or do anything.
So I was upset when I had to leave without attending social drinks.
My fellow work mates don't know of my condition and don't understand.
I would just love to go out, have a few drinks, have fun and not have to worry about CD.
How are you supposed to make friends when you are a prisoner in your own home?
It seems my life involves getting up going to work and getting home and staying there.
It is really getting me down at the moment.
It seems to me the disease is part psychological as I normally get sick whenever I plan something, easter break, xmas holidays etc.
Oh well I will try to maintain upbeat as I know there are people out there far worse off than me.
Best wishes to all CD sufferers.
Posted 10/17/2008 11:48 AM (GMT 0)
Aussie....yes a social life is possible. I am not sure what level your condition is. I am a luckier one but many of us still have friends attned parties and such. I volunteer for the veterans, cater desserts for events, spend time with friends and I found the love of my life when I was 35. I just modify my expectations to meet my needs.
First thing is...I don't drink anymore. Well, an occasional wine or one drink on my best days. Alcohol is just to mean to us CDers. If you are self conscious of being the only one without a drink, get a soda/juice and put a stir stick in it. In college I carried a beer around that I never drank.
I arrange my eating around so I don't have to eat at get togethers
Mostly, relax your expectations!!! It sounds like you are putting a lot o pressure on yourself. That only makes things worse.
You CAN have a life. It takes practice and patience, but it can be done. I hope you are feeling more up beat soon. Keep writing us!
Posted 10/17/2008 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hi aussie! I think it is possible to have a social life. Some of the problem is anxiety based for all of us. The dreaded what ifs. Use whatever coping skills get you through a day of work to get through a social date. The problem with socializing is unlike work, it is so easy to bail when we don't feel well. Why fake being ok and push yourself through if you are not having fun and not getting paid? But, I find once you get out there and do it a couple times it gets easier. Know what you can do. Order a non-alcoholic drink. Order soup instead of a steak. That sort of thing. And in the beginning only go to places where a bathroom is right near by. Try a place that usually isn't that crowded and you can get to the bathroom no problem. Although sometimes I like crowded bars because no one can hear my stomach noises and I can fart and no one knows :)
Posted 10/17/2008 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
PS: I do find it a lot easier that my friends family and coworkers know about this disease but for each person it is a very individual decision.
Posted 10/17/2008 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
Can you take something like Immodium? Does that help you at all? I know that when I have a special function I want to attend, I take Immodium about an hour beforehand and it really helps me not have to "go" while I'm there. I'm always careful about eating - if I'm not doing well, then I eat before I go and pretend to nibble on stuff. If I'm doing so-so, then I eat what I know won't hurt me. There are no guarantees that I won't have to make a "mad-dash" to the bathroom, but you CAN have a social life. It takes some strategic planning, but if you can make peace with that, you don't have to stay home. I know that just the stress of having to be somewhere and the whole bathroom thing can churn up your guts enough to make you crazy. It's not fair, I know. But I have found that knowing I am prepared for an emergency makes me a lot less stressed, and therefore, a lot more able to enjoy myself. Also--- don't pressure yourself too much. You might go through periods of time (weeks, etc) where you really do just need to stay home. That's ok too. Find a few friends who understand your situation and invite them over for a movie or game-night. Maybe not as fun as being out and about, but it's better than being home alone and feeling like poo. We've all felt your pain.
Hang in there!!!
Posted 10/17/2008 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
Aussie:

Do you never have a remission? Certainly during inactive disease, you can do anything a normal guy can. Of course, this DD has also had a devestating impact on my life, but that is partly because I've always been shy & had not much time for socializing because of work demands anyway.
Still, its not impossible..

Sincerely,
Matthew
Posted 10/17/2008 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
I used to have a social life when I was in college, but haven't had one in quite awhile. This is partly due to the fact that I live with my parents in their +55 retirement community (I'm 33). Occasionally I get an old man hitting on me, but that's about the extent of it tongue. However, even if I was surrounded by people my age, I don't really have the energy to socialize. I'd rather take a nap than go out. If I can find a way to beat the fatigue, maybe things will change.
Posted 10/17/2008 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aussie sorry your night got bumped out with your not feeling good seems like I was in the same place as you for years and before my resection holidays were scarry. A low roughage diet has helped me immensely. Now I eat a banana a day or maybe 2 and I'am ready to go . I don't go out much either but I took drinking off my list I haven't gone out for years. A woman is lucky they can pack extra things in there purses if they need to . The imodium might help or perhaps a different med . Life must be harder for those that are single and lonely at times. You can also pack a small bottle of deordizing stuff for the purse .As for the cramps I just don't know if your Dr' says imodium is ok that might help. Since I stopped worrying things are better for me I don't think about it now when I go somewhere. lol gail
Posted 10/18/2008 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your response. I do take imodium, keep them on hand all the time but unfortunately my symptoms were of a different nature. They have improved today which is a good thing. I agree with your comments regarding alcohol and I limit this due to leading to flare ups. I mainly drink softies or water. I am still messing around with diets but find it difficult to get the right balance. I will keep trying. I have to admit that my CD has always seemed 'active' since I was diagnosed in 1988. Remission? I always have symptoms. Cheers for your comments.
Posted 10/18/2008 4:09 AM (GMT 0)
Have you considered getting more aggressive with your treatment? I see you continually taking steroids....
Posted 10/18/2008 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
Aussie, I just wanted to say hi.

Are you linked in with the Australian Crohn's & Colitis Assn? I ask this because they are organising support groups and, if you live in a larger city, you may be able to go to one. At least the people there would understand what you're going through...

I can give you their contact details / URL if you like.

Best wishes to you,

Ivy (in Australia too).
Posted 10/18/2008 4:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aussie,

I think we hae all gone through these ups and downs with cd and the life outside of it. When i first found out i had cd, the first thing i did when i  went in any store or establishment was ask where the restrooms were, i swear i knew where every gas station was in our town!!! lol But i learned over the years how to get out there and do some fun stuff...we only live once and personally i want to try and enjoy myself a little while i'm here!! I have been on prednisone for 13years 10mg for quite awhile now - when trying to get off them twice i ended up with a flare but got over it pretty quickly. The odd time when i feel off when i get up, i take a tylenol 3 with the codine, it helps the pain and also slows down the bm's quite a bit - not the greatest way to avoid running to the washroom, but when i had a boardroom meeting in another town, i really had no choice!!! I personally feel you'd feel much better overall with prednisone, only because of what you have written - dont get me wrong i realize it can be a terrible drug for some - but it has let me have somewhat of a normal life...as other symptoms have now decided to surface, i am now on remicade as well, doing ok, tired alot - but i figure some days i just gotta get out ther instead of laying in bed - i know it is very hard and scary sometimes, as well as telling coworkers, but you have gotta find one of the meds that will work best with you, and get out there and try to enjoy yourself, if even just taking baby steps - you will feel so much better!!! I have never ever been a drinker - i love to sit and get my laughs watching everyone else who has been, your not missing anything there, but just out sitting with friends or coworkers, having a club soda with lime will put a smile on your face!!!

Hope you feel better soon...take good care :)

Good luck, and

Posted 10/18/2008 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
It is totally possible to have a social life with this DD. The level of severity of your disease is what's going to dictate how often you can go out and what type of places you can go to. I am so saddened and my heart goes out to you folks who have the severe cases of it, and I wish I could reach out a hand and take it all away from you. I say this because I have not had the symptoms I read about on this forum (knock on wood). I have succumbed to the fact that I most likely will have them as time progresses, but I suppose I am just lucky right now. I have only experienced small bowel blockages, latest one put me in the hospital and they screwed me up more!
Keep your head up, your faith strong(whatever it may be), and know in your heart and mind that a social life is completely possible when you have your flares somewhat controlled, or you know your body patterns. And I do believe power of the mind helps tremendously.
I drink beer every day, lots of it. Probably not GOOD for me, but this is what I like to do. I don't have a great social life, but thats because I am kinda reserved when in a group of people, and not really the life of the party,but I love hanging out with friends and wish I could meet a non-crazy woman to make my girlfriend/or more. :)
But beer does not hurt me much, actually it helps get that stool through my system! LOL, epecially if its Coors Lite! Blechk!!!
Chin up! Chest out! Be proud and know you can beat this, and do whatever you want socially.

Cheers, *clink*!
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