OT: I am going to hell for being so mean to my grandmother

Been there, done that, only it was my MOTHER...love ya' lots for what you're going through when I say this so don't take it the wrong way. She is in a nursing home for a reason. She hopefully has adequate care and yes, she doesn't give a rats &^% about your or your father's needs. Stop CHOOSING to be her victim! My mother was seriously mentally ill (no joke). My entire life I took her verbal & physical abuse. I finally figured out what was the "root" of my stress in my 30's and sought counseling. She died March 1, 2007. I have yet to shed a tear. That sounds horrid to some but I never knew the "real" person she could have been. My maternal lessons in life came from another source. I'm not angry anymore, I'm not self-inflicting guilt anymore and finally I can begin to address all the knots that I allowed her to put into my life. Put on your emotional sheild and view her as a human being who does not posess the knowledge or skills to nurture anyone and get on with your life.....YOUR health depends on it!

Well, it's a cliche but "hurt people, hurt people" I don't think anything you shoulda, coulda, woulda said will ever make a difference in her life. It sounds like you're a good person doing the best you can. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. Yes, she did deserve it to some degree. I will take a beating directed towards myself, but if anyone beats (mentally or physically) on my family, I will smite. I sat and chilled in front of the TV for a while after dumping my guilt out here and now feel much better.

Guess it is a bit funny. Should have seen the daggers shooting outta her eyes.

-Leslie

(((((Texan))))),

 I'm kinda glad she got a little something out of it. She probably has more guilt than you, but feels/appreciates it a good deal less. At the very least, she got a chance to even out a small fraction of the karma like "stuff" she has accumulated over the years. If she comprehended anything, at least she was able to put up a argument. It beats the heck out of sniping at her on life support. Sorry, now I'm ranting, but my family has experienced our fair share of mental health issues, and it is the most frustrating feeling in the world. I wish I could say I never blew a cork, but I always did my best, and I just can't hold onto the guilt. My perfection, would/could not have changed anything, or made my family members any more healthy. We will be in hell together, if we can land there for doing our best, or having a since of humor about all this, cuz... I find this funny too. As for myself, I believe this was created as a coping mechanism. With this DD, we CAN'T be beating ourselves up .

Why is when one edits oneself, one always misses something that just glares after one posts!

Texan,

Far as I'm concerned she had it comming and deserved it and you're not going to hell (and I'm not just saying that from an athiests point of veiw either) and thirdly, just because she's old doesn't mean you or everyone eles in the world has to kiss her *** and finally, she's old enough to know better than to behave the way she has/does, be it towards you, your mom (of which I'm so sorry you lost) her son or anyone eles for that matter.

So do not feel guilty, what goes around comes around and it must have felt good to let her have it, sounds like it was long over due.

:)

You know Tex, we cant change other peoples ways. Your doing your best and you shouldn't get down on yourself. Shes lucky to have you.

Hi I feel if you are so upset with your Grandmother and at her age you should delicate her care to others. Sorry but I cain't condon that. lol gail

I'm not a strong believer in karma, but I do believe there is something to how you treat others and it coming back to you. I'm talking about your grandmother specifically of course and not you. You had every right to be angry when the fuss she was creating is a HAZARD to your father's health. Feel bad if you want to, but giving someone, even your grandmother, a piece of your mind isn't wrong when you have a legitimate reason.
I'll be speaking to my own grandmother soon about her accusing my little sister of stealing our aunt's drugs when I know very well she did not.

Family can be so wonderful sometimes :)

Hey, all. Thanks for the input.
<too busy doing freakin' errands to log in for a while... this board stays pretty busy so it took me a while to read through the new and make it back to this post>


Humm... let's see. Not even sure if I posted that I went back up the next day and visited with her again - this time no yelling. Since then she has not said a word to my father, so I guess she got it... for a short while anyhow. Gotta go do her errands today and take her her stuff today. She doesn't like her new bedspread since being moved, so I'll run over to Tuesday Mornings and find her a nice inexpensive on today as well. She may be a mean old fart, but she's family, and where one go, we all go... so like it or not, I can suck it up and take care of her without further complaint.

Now, if only I could get my mentally/physically disabled and unstable sister to pull her finger out of her throat and quit making herself sick, I would be okay. Geez louise, every week she thinks she's got something. Since my last flare started she now believes she has crohn's (she doesn't - just mentally ill). Need to get out there and look at her. I think she's turning herself into a belemic (sp?) after talking to her on the phone for 30 minutes yesterday.

Her: I'm sick to my stomach. I can't hold food down.
Me: Are you putting your finger down your throat?
Her: No.
ME: Have you put your finger down your throat within the past 24 hours?
Her: Yes.
Me: STOP doing that! You are making yourself sick and fixating on it and making it worse.
Her: I don't wanna be sick.
Me. Then stop putting your finger down your throat.
Her: I'm not.
Me: You just told me you were.
**Get the picture what it's like talking to a mentally ill person?? This went on for half an hour. Think it's almost time for another visit to the stabilization hospital for yet another medication adjustment {{sigh}}**

This is the combination of stuff that led me to my vent post. Thanks all for listening. Like I said, I do NOT say a word of complaint other than here... 1) Nobody wants to hear it 2) This is my family, gotta help 'em through the bad.

You all are WONDERFUL! Thanks for allowing me to vent. Think I will step away for a couple of hours and treat my daughter to a movie and then go deal with my dysfunctional fam. :)

Hey there, fellow Texan. :) whereabouts are you? I am in Carrollton. My next move will be up to the country, Sadler, Texas, where I spent all my youth summers.

Oh, welcome to healing well. :)

Anyone ever wonder what it is like in 'Their" reality? Must be heaven on earth. Not that I'd want to be in their shoes!

Les,

Being from/in Oklahoma, my prayers are with you on the plumbing thing. Thank God it is not July, that will be my Thanksgiving Prayer for you. Plumbing issues, CD and July in Tx or Ok=Virtual Hell :o)

I agree with Gail to a point, but feel a one time blowing off steam was in order. Having been care giver for many family members, if I thought I was building resentment, I would hand over the reins. I'd bet my flushable wipies that this will never happen again.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I pray the snaking goes well and does not get costly.