Let me give you another guy's perspective, ladies.
Well, I don't date because without money I can't (I don't work) and with chronic fatigue meeting new people is well-nigh impossible; not to mention being on such an exclusive diet means no meals out, so no trips to even a coffee shop unless I am bringing my own biscuits !
But I am still (theoretically) looking for the right woman, and I can tell you, this disease is a great bulls**t filter ! Instead of finding out that someone is unreliable further down the line when things get harder (
oops, sorry about
the pun, I didn't mean it that way !
) you find out pretty fast who will not cope. That's a great way to avoid getting hurt ! At that point, when things are still tentative, you can still emotionally disengage (I know, I'm a man, but you can do it too
) and just think, "Well, that's someone else who has that problem, he's toxic."
That's one positive aspect to it.
But for myself, I find that looking for women is like...dare I say it
....fly fishing. (Please, no jokes about
worms !
)
There are things that are lures, and there are things that are hooks. Lures are things that attract - that's where the word "alluring" comes from - and of course that means physical appearance. In my case, it is usually the facial expression that gets my attention first - okay, a great figure is nice, but a toxic personality with it and I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole - with (listen carefully!
) a caring personality or good sense of humour a close tie. Hair colour, build, facial features, medical issues...really not an issue. It may be a problem for her - but I am strong enough to cope with other people's problems, it is mine I can't cope with !
Once I get to know a girl a bit better - and I take things slow, I am serious about
relationships - the hook, the thing that will always make me want to stay, is personality. And part of that is vulnerability; being someone who triggers the need to protect and cherish in me.
Not every guy is like me, of course. Good thing too. Depression kept screwing up my relationships, and now I'm older and wiser, I'm pretty much out of the beating-them-off-with-sticks zone I was in. But the point is, there are guys out there, who need to feel needed, and who want to be your support in time of need, and can be that understanding. IMHO, look for people who know about
suffering, and you will probably find the man you need to make love to you.
