Hi guys,
Sorry haven't been about the last couple of days (travelling etc to come home for GI appointment yesterday and infliximab infusion today - apologies if this post is a little scatty I'm always a bit out of it on the day I get it!) Those who remember my other post 'mania after infliximab' thanks for the responses and I am armed with tremazepam for use in case the mania/insomnia strikes! Never know I might be lucky and not need it!
The lump my GI isn't overly worried about, he said thats where I've had disease in the past and isn't sure why it 'pops out' but said it didn't feel dangerous or anything but has ordered a couple of tests as he's concerned about whats going on inside me as I've spent 5 years in remission and now I just can't quite shake it, especially as I have healthy appetite and am still underweight and not putting on weight - so he has ordered both a colonoscopy and unfortunately SBFT for April (what a way to spend my Easter break from uni! I'll get on to why I'm so anti SBFT in a moment but my GI has given me a million assurances that it will not be as disastrous as last time (which in all fairness was nearly 7 years ago)
I had one colonoscopy just after I was first diagnosed and to be honest did not mind it one bit! I was conscious throughout but they'd given me a relaxant and as I was young at the time (15) had a nurse sat by head holding my hand, reassuring me, talking me through it etc and got to watch the whole thing on a massive TV screen which in my very relaxed/high state I found fascinating! It was my GI who performed it and I do not remember any pain any at all - the only weird bit was seeing them take the biopsy on the TV screen and feeling it as they did it inside!!
So I'm not too worried about having that again, my GI's doing it for me again and I trust him and he's acknowledged that I can get panicky since past nasty experiences like the SBFT......
The SBFT....it was probably also my state of mind at the time (being young and seriously ill) that added to the trauma but it was them trying to tube me that caused the main problem which then just messed everything up, whether its the shape of my head or what who knows but I was sat alone in this room and these 2 nurses (1 male, 1 female who seriously had no bedside manner) came in, one held my head while they squirted this stuff up my nostril which BURNED, I kid you not I wanted to claw my face off it was darn painful and then they tried to ram the tube in it just wasn't happening, they couldn't get it in there but wouldn't give in, I was held down by the head and shoulders while they continuously rammed this tube against whatever bone it is at the back of your nose under your eye - I was in agony and when it got too much and I started shaking and crying they started having a full on go at me and said if I didn't co-operate they were going to send me away and I'd have to do the laxatives etc all over again.
So I tried to pull it together and let them continue but they just couldn't do it and kept ramming it against the bone, pulling it out, ramming it some more til it got to the point that blood was coming out my nostril and I was in so much pain they had to give up. I begged them to let me drink the barium but they refused saying it'd make the test take longer and they weren't prepared to let me do it. So their next plan was to force the tube down my throat. Well of course that went in and as soon as it was down they put me on the table under the machine with the tube hanging out my mouth and buggered off behind the screen.
So not only was my face bruised and blood dribbling out my nose I now had a tube running through my mouth and down my throat which produced the next problem - whenever my swallow reflex went I'd start choking and gagging, now I don't know if anyones tried not swallowing for an hour but it is impossible especially when your body knows theres something thats not supposed to be there and of course whenever I choked or gagged the nurses would start shouting at me from behind the screen to stop it and keep still, they were very intimidating and I found them terrifying at the time. The stress made the cramps come on badly which is a great combination with barium being pumped through which I swear they did too fast as I bloated out horrifically for the first half hour and when they eventually let me go I was in so much pain with my nose/face, throat from the tube and gagging and my stomach.
Like I said I was a young, frail teen and being treated like that and then having to lie there in immense pain and to be honest really really distressed for over an hour after has really done a number on me in terms of anxiety. I know as far as hospital experiences go people have had worse but that for some reason did really scar me. But my GI has said he's put a note on it to make sure they don't try and tube me and let me drink it and to warn them to be 'nice' if I'm anxious as the last SBFT distressed me, so I hope that does make a difference, I'm trying not to think about it I actually well up if I do!
I'm not sure how much radiation is involved, but one of the (very nice) IBD nurses mentioned to me once that they try to hold off on too many x-rays etc due to radiation, I'm not sure how much is too much though its a shame I didn't read this before my appointment I would have asked!