Lost

You have been given a lot of wonderful advice. I just wanted to add that I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 18, we got married when I was 20, in the summer between my junior and senior years of college, almost 24 years ago. So college romances can last. And if your fiance says he wants a life with you, TRUST him. I once asked my husband if he had known that I had CD before we got married would he still have married me. He was very honest and told me "No, but it would have been the biggest mistake of my life." Still one of the sweetest things he has ever said to me, because I know that he is in it for the long haul.

But most important, don't make any decisions while on the Evil Prednisone!!!!

You are really smart and mature! These things are hard at any age, and you are handling it well. And I am sure the evil pred demons aren't helping things!! Let all the "worms" leave your brain and get on with what you need to do. Time passes quickly and you just need some of it to go by, and then see what life looks like.

Take care!

You know, I never really had a problem having this disease until today. I thought that if I had him and he loved me then I didn't really care whether or not I was sick. But I feel like damaged goods for the first time, and I've never been so miserable at what he was thinking.
The moment I think I'm done crying it just starts again, and I have no one to go to because everyone else left in the early stages of this illness. He was the only one who stayed this long.
I really hate life right now, and normally I am the first to point out how wonderful it can be. But I realized he was the reason I even tried to keep living..and now I don't even have that.
And it isn't pride that keeps me from begging him to choose me but that I want so badly for him just to have a happy life, even if it is one without me.
I don't know what to do with myself..

Hi I hope you are feeling better today .Sometimes a good cry helps clear the way for better thinking and your not alone lots of us know the feeling of rejection.. keep in touch hugs... lol gail

I read this after you made your decisions but this is what I would have said:

First, don't you two live together? I would suggest living apart while you make these difficult choices. It makes it 100 times harder to break up when you live together. Second, aren't you the person that posted before that he wants you to go out partying and drinking with him? Maybe you two are just in different places in your lives. My husband and I are young and we dated from Freshmen year of college, got engaged senior year, married a year or so after. So I know about "college." I wasn't diagnosed until a couple months before we were married. My disease is fairly mild so maybe it is why I have a different perspective.

However, I really don't think having crohns really holds your partner back that much but I guess it depends on the type of girlfriend you are. I have friends that don't like their guys to go out unless they are there. I encourage my husband to go out w/ his friends and will often drive their drunk butts around. Now I am not saying any of this is your fault. I am just saying you have to analyze what kind of life he really wants and whether or not you can provide that. And I mean that taking crohns out of the picture. Like are you a homebody and he is a partier. Can he party hardy without you and without you being sad or mad.

When you do feel well do you go out a lot and have a good time or just stay home scared to ruin it?

I don't like that you feel like you have to choose between him and school. It might be that you are both too codependent on each other. I think it is totally reasonable to do school and have a relationship. But you have to have reasonable expectations. My husband is fine w/ not seeing me at all during the school week and we hang out on the weekends. If that is not enough for your man then that is HIS problem, not yours.

That said, I do often think that people have been together a really long time are afraid of hurting each other and take baby steps in breaking up. I think it is good you are not beggging him to stay and letting him work it out on his own. Who knows, maybe in that time YOU will meet someone better suited for you!

No no believe me, he is not the one to go out and party. He likes to visit his friends or stay in and play video games, watch movies, study, read, etc. much like myself.

He lasted about 10 hours on the break. I told him to go out and talk to people and see what it's like as if I weren't a factor. But he said everything reminded him of me and that he didn't want to let it go. He had been talking to a girl from work as friends for a while, but she hinted she liked him so he went to a get-together another one of his coworkers was having. She was there too obviously. One of the reasons I think he went...to talk to her and see if that was what he really wanted.
He said she heard that day we were on a break so she talked to him for a while and said she had liked him for a long time.
His response though? 'You can't do that. I know I'm on a break with her, but I love her.'
He admitted he had thought about her in a more than just friends way during the past couple of weeks, that he didn't pursue anything, and that he really wanted to keep trying with me 100%. Said he wanted to try the single life out again but didn't want it. I'm just glad he listened to me and at least approached someone. I figure, if he liked someone else enough to leave me then maybe our relationship wasn't strong enough right now anyway and that this kind of space would do him some good. Goodness knows my behavior weakened it. He can't live the rest of his life limited to going to the grocery store for me, work, and school. He talked to his mom and she said 'It's not that I don't like her but I think she's holding you back.'
Why it's wrong and I don't say these with any spite toward him. I was just glad to have someone to take care of..: I pay/have payed his car bills, insurance bills, rent when I didn't even live with him, and payed for groceries(up to 300 dollars worth sometimes). Not all the time but when he was short on work hours and money. Now where was she then? Where would he have been had I not helped him? And normally it takes some pushing but I am the one who gets him to do his homework, try harder, and constantly push him to be his best because he is so smart and has so much potential. And yet I am holding him back.
Why part of it is right though...because he has to take care of me and could be out living life more...staying home with a sick girlfriend for a whole year can't have been productive...he might have done more. But he's told me that had we not been together he probably would have dropped out of college for a while and gone to live down in Georgia with his mom because he had no other means to support himself(he moved here from Missouri and paid for EVERYTHING by himself until I came along).
I am glad I have to admit..a lot of the bad things were my fault. I was so afraid of having trouble going out that I stayed in and did nothing but homework, eat, and sleep. What a miserable life...I told myself when I started getting better that I would not do that. That's the lifestyle I have during a flare, but not when I can try harder when things are starting to get better.
I guess we'll see how everything goes...We've been through a lot so I can't just throw it away because of a few *very* rough patches. We agreed to make individual changes, work harder at living more, and doing some things apart.
Thank you all for your responses...I'm really grateful to receive your input. The truth is I love him more than anything, and I have faith we'll be together for a long time. Even if we have a break every now and then...I feel like even I started going out with someone else I would always come back to him.

i am reading this from work b/c my computer is still broken. I am praying for you and sending you a huge hug. You have been through so much. I hope that everything works out, but please dont feel as if you have to apologise for your disease. and if you can do it, stay in school- you need to be able to support yourself, even if you end up married and live happily ever after. having a career gives you confidence and security.

i will be thinking of you

We're living our lives to the fullest because of inspirational people like you guys. You all have really been so wonderful...Thank you so SO much.