It's Been A While

Been so depressed on since I last seen my G.I in January. I still have pains and nausea, and vomiting. I had 1, 045mg Remicade in Feb, Mar, May and next month 6 days before my next G.I appointment.  I called and left a message(you never get a person, just answer machine) on Mar 31st I couldn't wait until my May 26th appointment cause of pain. I went to the E.R. and was given fluids and Dicyclomine for cramping and Prochlorper for vomiting and nausea(with no refills). Took some X rays and those vampires took more blood. E.R. doc said he was going to tell the Surgical Clinic and my doctor that I need the surgery. Got appointment notice in the mail for June 16th(the origninal date was May 26th)!!! I still can't believe they pushed my appointment back.  Complained to my primary doctor and she left a note for the head doc(I see students). G.I. doctors are only in the clinic at the hospital on Tuesdays. So the clinic closes at 4:30 pm. I'm always the last one walking out the door after 5:40 pm, even though my appointment time is 10 am.  I got another appointment notice in the mail 2 weeks ago, my appointment is still June 16th. I don't know what to do. I am thinking of stopping treatment again(the longest I went without was a little over 2 years.) 

 Oh, I forgot I am now on 40mg of Citalopram. I don't feel a difference(on 40mg since first week of April). I don't see my primary doctor until October. I am toying with the idea of contacting her. So my mental health sucks like my physical health.

I am sorry in advance cause I need to rant. I have no support at home. In the last few months I have talked more than I have in all my life(I am extremely quiet person). I am talking cause I scared and no one is listening. I am just scare. I am just crying and crying and crying. It is hard to take days off. I am a babysitter with monstrous student loan debt. Here's the thing I babysit 5 really really awful, smart of the tongue, fighting, name calling, throwing things, destroying things, not listening, lying kids(my nieces and nephews). I have them more than their mom(older sis). To make her story short, she is a single mom and life is still not together. Her oldest is 11 and I have watching him for 10 years. She never ask me, she forces me to. I am the mother and father. She is either moving to a new place or staying with mom and me years on end. She barely contribute to the household. I do the majority of the work. I am the chauffeur, the cook, the maid, the butler, errand runner, the enforcer of her kids, homework aide, etc. All this while I walking bent over due to cramps. Vomiting and crying in the garbage. I wouldn't care if she would come home when she says and her kids would actually listen. I have to bring her kids to functions even though she is doing nothing. I have to watch them at functions when she is sitting there doing nothing. Hell! I have to correct their behavior and she is sitting right by me!!! I have no life because of choices she made(and still making). Okay there's more but I already wrote too much. Another long story cut short: I do everything for everybody and they don't care.  My family(parents included) has me more crippled than this disease.

Please I need advice, kind words, plesant thoughts because I can only cry so much.

I am guessing that you are unable to get a place of your own. Is it possible for you to go stay with a friend for a couple days just so you can get some rest and gather your thoughts? If you could do that, your sister would be forced to take care of her kids or make arrangements for them. Your situation sounds awful. I am appalled that youor parents are letting this behavior go on and that they are not realizing the negative impact this has on your health.

Hi sorry to hear you are having a rough time at the moment i noticed you said you are on citalopram i too took these but have recently changed to EScitalopram which i feel are alot better than just citalopram maybe ask your doc about these.also sweetie you need to start thinking about yourself and not have to be worrying about other peoples kids which is obviously adding extra stress to your health. i hope you get sorted out soon at the hossy to take care and keep us posted. Bev x 

The only things that has change since 5/22 is that it is summer and she has enrolled in school(LPN studying for RN). AGAIN!!! Which means I went backwards again. I tried everything and they still don't care. The only contact I have with friends is through myspace(used to be my best friends at school). I have Remicade appt this week and I finally have my G.I. appt next week(last seen was Jan). Everytime I mention my mental health, she smiles and thinks I am talking about my physical health.

 I just wanted to be selfish and lazy for my birthday. I wanted attention. For my birthday I wanted a tattoo(been wanting since middle school).  I couldn't get it because she had to work and I had to bring her eldest to some function at his school that was meant for PARENTS. So I ended helping her clean her house(she is finally move, again).The function was suppose to last 30 minutes, ending going a little over 2 hours. The eldest is the worst( He hates me, I'm stupid). Before she went to work, once again she had to go somewhere. She brought them food, but left in the car. So I had to go to the store spent the last few dollars I had because it wasn't payday yet. My other sister and brother-in-law brought me a birthday cake and card. It was past the kids bedtime when me and nephew finally got home. I burned the pizzas cause yelling at them and not paying attention , so they just ate the  top and complained.  My other sis and bro-in-law couldn't stay late, work the next day. My mom was with her mom. It was written all over their face how sorry they felt for me.  My dad didnt't even tell me Happy Birthday. I was longing for the days when the when the whole family would gather around the kitchen table, turn the all lights off. and sing Happy Birthday. (sigh) I am stuck in the past. We decided to go to my fave Chinese restaurunt without the kids to make up for my b-day. The air was thick with nobody didn't want to be there. I just wanted to be selfish and celebrate my b-day. I got my tattoo a week later. It is a cross with a rose in the middle(mom help me pick out). I think she was telling me to go back to church. I was close to tears talking with the artist and his friend about life. Why is talking to strangers so comforting?

I am tired of lying about my life to friends, neighbors, and extended family members. I thinks she is getting back at us because when she finish high school she couldn't go to college. She had to watch my bro, other sis, and me(parents always working).

I never heard of  EScitalopram. When I go to my G.I. I going to ask for a closer appt(October something when I go back) with my primary doctor.  I can't go to a counseling center  because I wouln't have the time. I keep thinking about to the E.R. and lie so they would have to admit for a couple of days   

I thank yall for your concern, suggestions, and advice. I always feel better when I come here.

 

Atctackett, thanks for having me in your thoughts and prayers. I really really apprecaite it!!! My GI knows I am on depression meds. He even suggested taking 2 or 3 depression meds(at that time I was kind of okay). He even suggested in the future(he said this in Jan) I might need a psychartist. He only asked about mental health because he notice in my charts that my primary doctor put me on depression medicine. Bout time I finish babysitting them, they are going pushing my wheelchair . At least they finally moved out, again. She is finishing the last details on their house. But she still gone for hours on end: on my off days, before work, and after work. One day I was fed up and shouted "People die from Crohn's. Stress is making it worse". Only my other sister cared. My oldest sis has the  whole family stress since 1999. My parents aren't in the best shape, but they could at least recognized that I am not in the best shape either. My take is that I have to do the majority one because I'm the youngest. They complained to me, but won't say a word to her. Just tired of the years, money, energy, and time on kids that do not respect me. Well I guess get ready for another dose of Remicade, that do not work. Will keep in my mind not to strangle my G.I. next week. Peace

I agree with with Wolfie. Its time for YOU to say NO!! No one else can do this for you except YOU. Good luck!

It sounds though like you really did need to be in the hospital. Plus, your sister had to take care of her own kids, not you!

Head doc told my doc increase Remicade and see what happens. Older sis and kids are still getting on my nerves. I am so emotional and physical drain.