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Posted 12/23/2009 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Here it is just two days before Christmas, a time of year that I am already having problems with.  My Mom died earlier this year, my kids are spread out all over the country as are my grandkids, my oldest daughter won't even speak me, and the holidays are the last thing I need right now.

My middle daughter was working a fast food job without benefits, but she was providing for herself and her son.  Her 7 year old son got the flu and then she got it.  Of course, without sick pay she lost a full weeks pay.  She had asked her grandparents for financial help to stay in her apartment and stay living on her own (they have the $).  They talked her into moving up with them and going to school.  She didn't want to do this, she wanted to stay on her own, as she knew it wouldn't work out because her son is pretty rambuncious and they are older.  She didn't have any other option but to move up there the first of December. Now her grandparents are saying its not gonna work out and she has to figure something out.

I cannot take her and my grandson in as I can't afford to take them in.  I am so ticked off, because we knew they would pull this crap.  Instead of giving the kid the $700 she needed to get back on her feet, they make her give up her job, her apartment and move with them.  Now 2 days before Christmas they tell her this.  They have spent more than $700 in moving her up there, why couldn't they have just helped her to stay in her own home with that money instead.

Of course this has me extremely upset, and already been in the bathroom multiple times.  Enough times to irritate my internal hemi's and they are bleeding.  I am having a hard enough time just trying to get thru the holidays in one piece, and now this.  I am just crumbling right now.  Thanks for letting me vent.  I sure could use some good hugs about now.  I swear I can't handle one more thing right now.

Thanks for listening.

Hugs

Gail*Nanners*

Posted 12/23/2009 10:04 PM (GMT 0)
*HUGS*

I'm so sorry to hear that!! I don't understand how they could that to her either...Do they realize how much she gave up?? I can't believe people sometimes...

Hang in there!!
Posted 12/23/2009 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{(((((((((((((((((((((( MANY HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))))}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Hopefully they will give her time to move. I am praying this works out for the best in the end. Maybe she will find a better job and a better situation that is close to you. In this bad economy, families need to work together to help each other out. We need to find a way to tolerate all the annoying things, make it work, and stick together like glue! Sounds like they thought they could do this, but they were too immature to think through the reality and impact on everyone if co-habitating didn't turn out to be easy/fun.

If they are not going to put her out on the street immediately, please try to not worry about it for a bit -- for your own health's sake!!

Feel better Nanners!!
Posted 12/23/2009 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
(((((Gail)))))

I hope you don't get too much of an anger flare (in more ways than one).
Posted 12/23/2009 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry you are having a rough time Nanners! <<<<Hugs>>>>>

Posted 12/24/2009 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry you have to worry about this :( You're so helpful and wonderful to everyone on here and should know it is appreciated! I hope everything works out and that your holidays are okay!! HUGS!
Posted 12/24/2009 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, H*LL, Nanners! I'm so sorry things are putting you into such a twit! The last thing your gut or butt needs. ((((hugs))))
Posted 12/24/2009 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
I can see why you are angry.  Looks like those folks have shown their real colors.  Try not to let them set you up again.  In the meantime letting it make you sick is not going to help anything.  So Here are some Hugs )()()(()()()(()()()   Can social services help?   Get them on the phone.
Posted 12/24/2009 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nanners)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) big big hug. Sooooo sorry all this has happened. You can always blow off steam here and hugs are free always. Hang in there ...
Posted 12/24/2009 5:12 AM (GMT 0)
NANNERS..I am so very sorry this is going on and interfering with your physical and in sure your mental state right now..i nwish i could come give ya the biggest huggles you are such a great oerson,,,please do take care of you..luvs n huggles,,lyn
Posted 12/24/2009 6:25 AM (GMT 0)
hey have them come and stay with you? :-)... not helpful i know . just be sure to have your scheduled bathroom time . give them 5 minutes in the morning and 5 at night. hope things get better for ya and them, randy
Posted 12/24/2009 6:36 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry, Nanners :-(

*hug*

I dunno... some people simply don't think things through. I don't blame you for being upset.
Posted 12/24/2009 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your kind words, they really are appreciated. I have told my daughter that they got her into this mess and they will get her out of it, no ifs ands or buts..... And the nerve of them to think they can just put someone else out, because they made of mess of things and now want out. We live in the State of California and you are only entitled to 5 years of help from social services and then you are out of luck, and my daughter has already gotten her five years of help, so unfortunately that is out of the question.

Where I live, I unfortunately cannot take them in at this time. And quite honestly don't appreciate her grandpartents thinking that because of their mistake, I and my husband should be thought as a back up. If we were able to help her, we would have taken them in in the first place. As it was I bought them two weeks of groceries when she was still in her place. That was what I could do.

So I have told my daughter as I stated before, they got her into this mess, and they WILL get her out of it. She is staying in a hotel for a couple of days (at their expense) to give them a break, but how sad is it that for Christmas her and my grandson are in a freaking hotel:( Just breaks my heart.

Thanks again all for your support!
Posted 12/24/2009 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hey My Friend,


I am so sorry that all this is going on and I know the loss of your Mother is weighing heavily on your heart. Please remember grief over a deceased loved one is the most painful of emotions due to it's finality. I am glad you have posted here and also I am glad I found your post. :)
It's okay to need comfort. Accept understanding and support from friends, family and coworkers. That is why you have your wonderful friends here in HealingWell.

I know on top of the grief you are feeling over your Mother you are also extremely hurt and upset with your daughter that has moved to the midwest as that is not how you imagined life would be. <SPAN class=asummary roundtrip="0" lastVisited="0">Parenthood for the most part is one of the most rewarding paths that you can tread, however it can cause stress. Major stress at times but often what our adult children decide to do is beyond our control.............that does not mean you don't hurt watching one of your children make bad choices.

I know you have asked yourself this question, how do you deal with an adult child that is hell bent on destroying their life? I would like you to take care of you right now and let the daughter in the midwest work it out as remember we cannot control others, only our own thoughts and feelings. It is OK to feel sad but do not quit moving forward and making life as good as you can for you.

Now for the middle daughter................ouch, tough situation her grandparents have put her in but do trust that there will be an answer..........just let it be until after Christmas and then support her emotionally as best you can without making yourself ill. If your ill dear Nanners, you cannot help at all.

Remember our children get to the age where they are well beyond the age you can direct their lives. I have learned this from experience and as a Mother I do understand your pain, frustration and the sadness you are feeling right now..........also the anger.

As you know Nanners, I am a great believer in staying in the moment which I learned in therapy.

We spend much time thinking about what was and what could have been. And we spend much time projecting into the future and wondering about what may happen.

The key to solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really live in and control. This moment right now. The moment that is all there ever was and - probably - will be. :-)

But how can you step away from the thought loops that whirl back and forth through your memories and fantasies, your worries and fears ?

How do you actually return to the present moment?

Focus on what’s right in front of you, push all other thoughts out of your mind.

Stay in the moment and know that I am here for you and believe.

Your have my support along with this short book I just wrote.... smhair

Many loving hugs to you,

Kitt
Posted 12/24/2009 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
Without knowing the whole story, I can see the logic in your daughter's grandparents offering the help they did. It's sad that it didn't work out and your daughter and grandson paid a huge price in the process. As the saying goes, we're only as happy as our least happy child (and an adult child is still a child). So we, as parents, absorb so much of our childrens' pain, on top of the pain we may already be experiencing. (I wonder if there are any studies that show that people who don't have children live longer, healthier lives....). I'm sure that somehow, this situation that seems unbearable now, will work itself out, and maybe even some good will come of it all (sorry, I tend to be a Pollyanna at times). I wish you and your family the strength to deal with this mess, peace, and of course, HUGS!
Posted 12/24/2009 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
((Gail)) you know I know that feeling my friend. I'm thinking of you as always. x
Posted 12/24/2009 5:25 PM (GMT 0)
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nanners))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted 12/24/2009 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Big Hugs all the way from Iceland.


I just have to say one thing it seems to me that it really sucks to be in America :S
You don't get sick leave from work, you have to pay so much for health care and so on. And the stuff I get for free you have to pay so much for.
We dont even have to pay for insurance every one here is insured.

It just makes me happy that I am in Iceland.
Posted 12/24/2009 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
(((hugs))) You always have so much to help and advise others. I hope ur family problems work themselves out
Posted 12/24/2009 5:54 PM (GMT 0)

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))  Big hugs here.  Try not to let it get to you.

I don't know where you or your daughter live but if she is in the NYC area, the hotel I work in is hiring for numerous positions.  If I can be of any help, let me know.

Feel better and enjoy the holidays.

Posted 12/26/2009 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
I hope that things can be worked out and that your health won't suffer too much in the process. Sending you big hugs (((((((((Nanners)))))))
Posted 12/26/2009 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks again all! She goes back to their house today, so of course my nerves are a little on edge. They can't legally kick her out though, as the cops would side with my daughter because her grandparents made her move with them. Please just keep her and my grandson in your prayers.

Thanks again,
Gail*Nanners*
Posted 12/26/2009 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
I don't have any great suggestions, but just sending some hugs. I hope you can find some peace, and your daughter gets a better job and living situation soon!
Posted 12/27/2009 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Wishing you and your daughter all the best.. ((((HUGS))))
Posted 12/27/2009 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Nanner,
It sounds like they manipulated the situation. But lets just pray that it was out of care and that they will be patient with her child. I hope this all works out for the best....You hang in there and do something to help yourself relax, whatever that is for you. The hardest things in life involve family or loved ones...usually. God bless.
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