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how we react to pain

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 6/19/2010 12:31 PM (GMT 0)
Last night I had some major cramping and out of the blue just had to run to the restroom and throw up. My stomach was hurting (not life and death pains but bad enough) for about 3 hours. I find that when I am cramping or in any other type of GI distress I distance myself from people and frankly just want to be left alone to deal with it. I told my boyfriend last night as he was rubbing me that I knew he meant well and I was grateful, but seriously stop touching me. I tend to be so impatient when I am in pain and this makes me not want to be around other people. This made me wonder how other people deal with this? Do you tend to want to be alone or does it help you to have someone rub your back, feet etc?
Posted 6/19/2010 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Well most of the time when I am hurting bad like you were, I am the same way. Just leave me alone. Although sometimes it feels better to have a little massage.
I do know that when feeling bad I can get grouchy sometimes, and I really try not to let my feelings be known. So I will stay to myself so I don't unintentionally bite someones head off. I think I hate the grouchness more than anything.
Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Posted 6/19/2010 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
I'm the same way, my husband will try to rub my back or something to comfort me, which I'll be fine for a few minutes, but get aggrivated, then end up pushing him away. In the last couple of weeks I've been dealing with more pain than normal, so i've just been all moody torwards him period, and it's not his fault sad So i'm in the same boat, just push them away, and try to deal with it on my own, he actually didn't even know I had been doing worse till last night, I try not to complain about it, but he started figuring it out since I've been so pi**y lately, I can't hide it haha
Posted 6/19/2010 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
tewcute - you nailed it on the impatience. I try my best to be *gentle* in my delivery, but asking her to not touch me while dealing with cramping/flares is a common thing here too. The only thing I can suggest is to do your best to help him understand it's really nothing personal at all - you appreciate the concern, but the physical reality of your health condition is such that he needs to BUZZ OFF. =) In a kind, loving way, of course. Hah!
One thing I will add - isolation, though it seems easiest at the time, really can be dangerous. I am a very independent person and prefer to deal with my CD on my own, but I've realized over the years that I DO need help and having people who care is a blessing, even when I want to bite their heads off. My first surgery came after a 3am trip to the ER when my small bowel perforated and I passed out in the hallway on my way to the bathroom from the pain. If I was alone, that situation could've gotten REALLY ugly - thankfully, my best friend/roomate found me, loaded me in the car and hauled me to the ER. I'm 100% convinced that if I was alone, the damage and recovery would've been much more severe. Be thankful your BF is trying to help.
Posted 6/19/2010 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
I'm the same way, I want to be left alone and when I'm not left alone i get really, really grouchy and tend to snap at people and have no patience at all.
Posted 6/19/2010 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad it is not just me. The fact is that unless you have been in that type of pain you don't really get it. My Dad passed away from lung cancer just over 2 years ago and now I understand why he would get impatient and snap at people. My sister last weekend caught a stomach bug that was causing cramping and she was just really sick and she told me that she had new respect for me because she did not understand how I deal with this all the time. I told her luckily it is not an every day occurence for me. There are good days, so so days and then I even have days that are good and bad. My mom lives with me since my Dad passed and she is pretty good about gaging when I am in pain. I told her the best thing she can do is basically just not worry over me too much as I worry about her worrying about me..hehehhee. I feel bad for making her worry and she is one that doesn't understand that just because I am on meds doesn't mean I won't have bad days. But now she just gives me my space when she knows I am in pain.
Posted 6/19/2010 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
I tend to be like tewcute I would say to my mum and dad don't worry about me as I will then worry about you worrying which isn't going to help Im really grateful for them being there for me but I like to just take pain meds and go to me bed, and deal with it on my own Bev x
Posted 6/20/2010 5:41 AM (GMT 0)
i get so impatient with everyone- especially my wife since she's the one who's there 99% of the time. i feel bad but all i want sometimes is to be alone...she's always asking what she can do to help but unfortunately there is nothing...i feel so bad for the way i treat her sometimes when i'm in a lot of pain sad
Posted 6/20/2010 8:36 AM (GMT 0)
This is a good thread for caregivers to read, especially as sometimes you wonder if you should be doing more or less and I would imagine that the sufferer may not say in case of hurt feelings (although some make it clear ;) ) I guess it is a fine line between knowing when tlc is required and when to back off.
Posted 6/20/2010 11:31 AM (GMT 0)
I love to be alone. So that I can endure it comfortably. I hate it when someones ask me what's wrong because they will over worry and badly react and ask a lot of question, or talk to me like its something normal and it happens to all of us and that I should just suck it up. I just hate when they say that.
Posted 6/20/2010 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Well my mom can always tell when I don't feel well because I am normally very chatty and outgoing. When I am in pain I get quiet and just sit around. But now she knows to just ask me if I am ok and need to see someone. If I say no she knows it hurts but is not bad enough to warrant a trip to the Dr or ER. I have told her that when I need her to call an ambulance I will let her know!
Posted 6/21/2010 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
I think expressing how much we appreciate their desire to help BEFORE the pain, cramping, etc. begins, but being touched in the midst of the worst pain is a NO-NO. My hubby is very compassionate and wanted to do all the back rubs and foot massages, too. I asked him if he would have wanted a foot massage while the medic was digging a bullet out of his back in Viet Nam. He immediately understood. I told him I love him for caring and when I am ready I will welcome the bubble bath and the back rub. He no longer feels rejected when I refuse comfort. There are just some things in life that we must deal with solo.
Posted 6/21/2010 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
I prefer to be alone when I'm in pain... I don't want other people to see me hurting because I don't want to make people feel bad...
On the other hand, if I have to go to the hospital, I don't like going by myself... I have on occasion... makes the experience even more horrible.... twice as horrible if no one comes to visit me... even though, I know there's a good reason for it... I still feel.... rejected...
Posted 6/21/2010 7:31 AM (GMT 0)
Living alone has benifits and bad points but this situation is one of the better ones. Nobody bothers me when I'm really in bad pain, no questions or no offers of assistance that I really don't want. Just the cats who seem to know that when I'm in severe pain not to get on me, just lie beside me and purr. So nobody has hurt feelings and I have no appologies to make-Purrfect!
Posted 6/21/2010 8:43 AM (GMT 0)
I just want to crawl in a hole and bury myself until it passes. Please, don't even breathe the same air I do. Just go away and let me suffer in peace. This too shall pass and it will pass more quickly if you JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Posted 6/21/2010 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
granpato we definitely have cats with different personalities. My cat wants to be on me ALL the time. He would be on my lap 24/7 if he could. I have to shoo him away when I am in pain because of course he wants to lay right on top of my stomach!
Posted 6/21/2010 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
the only thing when I'm in a gas blockage with really bad cramps, my wife of 30 years knows to leave me totally alone, if anything when i can't move I'll ask her to get me pain med's, no lights on, I want total darkness. funny, the older i get the more I can't take the pain that I used to take, i don't try to tough it out, give me my pain med's when it's bad

Posted 6/21/2010 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
When I'm having really bad stomach spasms and the pain radiates up my back, it really helps to have someone rub my back, so I always yell for my husband to come rub my back. So, I like to have him there for that, but I have found that I don't like dealing with people at work when I am hurting. I am very impatient and easily aggitated (yes, there IS a such thing as a dumb question!) and I've found myself apologizing to the girl on the other side of the cube wall on several occasions because she can hear the comments I'm making. She has learned that I'm moody when I'm hurting.
Posted 6/22/2010 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
I can't stand being around people when I am in pain... I don't mean to be mean or rude, I just retreat within myself. I think of the way animals are. When they are in pain, they find isolation. I don't see myself as that different. I've also got several cats. One will get in my face regardless (she's more like a dog ;-) ) and one is very aware of when I'm in pain. She'll follow me everywhere as if watching over me. I call her my guardian kitty!
Also, this not wanting to be around people while in pain... it's not a personal reflection of how I feel about a particular person. It's just my own desire to curl up and get through it.
Posted 6/22/2010 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
speaking about the hospital...i DO want to go alone...i can't trouble my wife and i HATE my 5 year old seeing me there...if i don't call my parents to take/meet me they get pissed off...but i'd rather just lay there and chill then have to worry about "entertaining" people...i'm not in the mood to talk and i feel like a jerk for making them just sit there- they try to there for me 100% of course but...
Posted 6/22/2010 6:50 AM (GMT 0)
tewcute, one of my cats is like yours, always follows me around and has to be sitting on me if I sit or lie down. He some how recognises when I'm in pain though and settles for sitting beside me.
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