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Posted 7/21/2010 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
There are times when I can't help wondering why all this is happening . I was told a long time ago that we come here to learn and to grow and sometimes to help other souls to do the same . Right now I'm tired of growing . I have learned many things , most of all ,that I have a much easier time dealing with my own maladies than being helpless to heal the pain and suffering of those I love. I have learned to build and to create with my hands but  can't repair an injured heart or heal a broken spirit. Perhaps this is punishment for the errors of youth . If so, I have much suffering to do. Perhaps its just bad fortune. I've never been a gambler with capital , but, I have played a game of chance with death on many occasion . Not lately though , as I think I have pushed far past the limit of what can be gained from such a game . All that is want in my life is my wifes health. Should I lose her, there will be no more laughter, no reason for joy and I will be far less of a man. I'm tired. Please forgive my rambling . My words are just the usless remnants my vanishing mind .
Posted 7/21/2010 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
Sniper.. I have no magic words.. but I am listening and sending you many prayers, thoughts and much love.
Posted 7/21/2010 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
Snip! Ramble all you want! I wish there were words that would help take all this pain away from you. Disease and suffering are the worst ot times. I agree watching someone go through it helpless is worse than having it yourself. By far!! Hand it all over my friend...it's too big and in this world we are just seeds in the wind.... Things will get better, the worm always turns. Praying for you and yours today.
Posted 7/21/2010 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, ramble all you want. We all are here for each other, whether to just listen or to offer the much needed support that we all want. I don't know what to say except that you are in my thoughts, and I'm sending you love. I too would much rather deal with pain either it physical or mental then have to watch a loved one go through it.
Posted 7/21/2010 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
You have brought laughter, hope, and warm feelings to this board. The least that we can do as your friends is listen when you feel the need to vent at the injustices of life. We all have very broad shoulders and will be here for you in whatever way you may need us to be. I am praying for you and your wife.
Posted 7/21/2010 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
Sniper, you may be tired of growing, but you mentioned that we might be here to help other souls.  There are plenty of souls on this forum that you have helped...helped ease suffering, helped ease confusion, helped gain knowledge and understanding of their disease.  Maybe some of us go through this just to help others...only time will help us understand our purpose in life.  Hang in there. 

Posted 7/21/2010 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
 

Sniper,

I can hear your pain and my heart goes out to you.

Live for today for both your sakes, life is precious and you have to try and not dwell on the tomorrows. I don't think for one minute that it will be easy BUT (and please do not take offence) you have to stop feeling sorrowful. Live every minute and don't dwell on 'errors of youth'  I am sure  that most of us have done things that we wish we hadn't.

Nothing you have done has caused this and nothing you do can change it so don't dwell on the 'what ifs'

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Posted 7/21/2010 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
Our dear friend, only God knows 'why', and I don't think there's any lessons to be learned from your pain. As you/ve
said, we go through so many of life's little lessons and in the end, if all we've learned is to love another more than we
love life itself, then we've learned all we need to know. Do what you do best Sniper, love her, and hopefully God will
do the rest.
We are all here for you and your wife. You'll never stand alone...
Posted 7/21/2010 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
I don't think that there is any reason for any of the pain in the world. Certainly none of us did anything to deserve the daily torture we go through and certainly your wife didn't do anything to deserve the pain of cancer. It just is. All any of us can do is love each other and help one another through all of life's troubles, both physical and emotional. We will be here for you both, as you have been for all of us. Sending you both all the love and support we can.
Posted 7/21/2010 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Zena - you have helped so many of us with your responses, humor and kindness... I sure wish life would give you and your wife a little bit of a break. Sending good thoughts...
Posted 7/21/2010 11:08 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry, Sniper. Right now I feel numb to the vagaries of life (and numb in general), but I do hope your wife recovers. As to "why?" I don't think there is any answer. I know that it isn't retribution for anything that you did in your youth though. To put it simply: it rains on both the just and the unjust, but more on the just because the unjust have stolen the just's umbrella.
Posted 7/22/2010 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Sniper...I cannot say more than what has been said...I am thinking of you and your family...please come and vent all you want...I don't like to see my family suffer either...you have offered me so much comfort and a laugh or two or a hundred...so sending what good thoughts I can...take care...
Posted 7/22/2010 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
((((BIG HUGS)))) to you and your wife. It saddens me to see in your post the hurt you're going through. I can't even imagine... I'm so very sorry you and your wife are having to go through this.

AND...vent all you want!!! Like others have said, you provide so much to us by helping us all laugh, and we're here to listen.
Posted 7/22/2010 8:32 AM (GMT 0)
Sniper
the pain n heart break is very evident in your post
i wish i could help you n C more
our love thoughts n prayers my friend
lyn/ cait
Posted 7/22/2010 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
You cherish every day you have for now and don't waste time worrying about what might happen. But you know we are always here to listen and lean on. Sending good thoughts and hugs to you and the wife.

L.
Posted 7/22/2010 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you , everyone. I try to stay up beat but have really been down lately. Thanks for listening and for the warm feelings . I'm hoping to get back on track , but I need some good news soon to give me a push. I'll feel better when I can get my wife the treatment she needs . This limbo crap is for the birds. I know you guys have enough problems of your own so, really , thanks for listening and responding to mine .
Posted 7/22/2010 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome. keep us posted. LOL x
Posted 7/22/2010 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
God never gives us more than we can bear. Treasure each day you have together. Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never be yours. Take one day at a time, Sniper. (((hugs)))
Posted 7/22/2010 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
You offer courage and kindness and humor to many on this board. I am so sorry you and your wife are faced with such trials. Wishing you a brighter tomorrow.
Posted 7/23/2010 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
Sniper,
Over the years we have come to know one another in our online community. We have shared our joys, our concerns and sadness. You have made me laugh and on one occasion want to tear my hair out, though for the life of me I can't recall what incident evoked that feeling in me. Obviously it was very trivial because I can't remember it.

My dear husband died a little over 4 years ago at age 58. He had not been ill. It was sudden, devastating, and at the time, I thought life ending not only for him but for me. How could I go on? I would never be able to laugh again. There would be no reason to enjoy or give joy. As my children, my mother, my SIL, my best friends, his best friends reminded me - my husband loved life, brought joy to all that knew him and to strangers on the street. To lose my hope, lose my zeal for life, would dishonor my husband's memory. When I thought about it, my husband would have been really PO'd if I gave up and caved in.

You are afraid of what the future holds. I get that. I have been really scared at times as I stumble down the rocky road alone. Getting older stinks and getting older alone stinks so much that it reeks. Hang in there my friend. And remember, there are lots of shoulders here, perhaps thousands. You have lots to lean on here. Feel free to use our shoulders liberally.
Posted 7/23/2010 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
Sniper - I never have so many problems of my own that I can't bestow some kindness on someone else. Your posts have made me laugh even in the gripping cramping pain that is crohns. I know this is so hard for you right now. I understand what it is to watch someone slowly leave you from a disease. My dad died from complicaitions of lung cancer and it will be 4 years this November. I still cry thinking about him and what he want thru. Part of me thinks my crohns got bad becasue I did not have enough understanding of what he went thru every day after he was diagnosed. I totally get chronic illness now and I wish I could have been better at it when he was ill. I know it is irrational but I just want you to know I understand how you feel.

I am sending you and your wife thoughts hugs and prayers and the belief that you will get through this. Lean on us anytime you need to.

Posted 7/23/2010 3:55 AM (GMT 0)
Ides, for that one hair pulling occasion , what ever it may have been, I am truely sorry . It is never my intention to be annoying. Sometimes I forget that you guys cant see the twinkle in my eye when I am joking. My wife says I only have two sides, playful and serious as a heart attack. I can see where one could be mistaken for the other. Heres hoping the laughs have outweighted the aggravations.
Posted 7/23/2010 4:09 AM (GMT 0)
Sniper, you wouldn't be human if you weren't having these feelings. These are hard and uncertain times for you. I hope these feelings pass soon and that you'll get some good news to brighten things up. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.
Posted 7/23/2010 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
Sniper, no need to apologize. I was trying to convey how much we have all grown through these years on this forum. I'm not good at wrinting what I am trying to say. Pkease forgive me if I have caused you any additional pain in your time of profound sadness and hurt. My twinkle didn't come through when I wrote that. I'm am so, so sorry.....
Posted 7/23/2010 4:35 AM (GMT 0)
hang in there James. we will support ya with our thoughts. and lift you when your down.
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