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Posted 7/26/2010 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
my sister tells me that my chorns if i took care of myself better like quit smoking and eat better for me foods stuff like that.she saysi wouldnt be in any pain and that itstotally my fault for being in pain and having 10-20+ BMs a day its my fault that sumtimes after a big one that im tired and feelwarn out, and its also my fault that i got chorns. ofcourse i try to ingore her but whenyou hear non stop its kinda hard to. i have tried being nice to her and explaining in a calm way about things, iv tried being rude and telling go to hell that she doesnt know what she is talking about. but shewont shut about it. any ideas how to get her to understand?
Posted 7/26/2010 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
find a website that explains WHAT crohns is. I HATE people like that. I used to have a friend tell me all of the time that it was in my head and if I thought posetively enough and ate healthier that it would go away all together. haha, its hilarious what people will say to you when they don't fully understand what is going on. As bad as smoking is, quiting actually can cause you to have a flare up, because it's stress on your body. Watching what you eat will help you out, some people have gone into remission jand stayed there just by watching what they eat and staying away from things that trigger a flare up. If I personally stayed away from everything that triggered flare ups, I would be drinking boost for the rest of my life. Do you have any appointments with your surgeon or your GI coming up?? If so bring her. The friend I had came and visited me while in the hospital, and my surgeon came in and explained everything, my friend was speechless. You could be tired all the time because you could be anemic, I know thats my problem. Before trying anything else, print out something that explains what crohns actually is. an auto immune disorder where your immune system attacks any part of your digestive tract for no known reason.
Posted 7/26/2010 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
Tell her to make an account on this site so she can read all the stories and see that it's just not her brother who deals with those issues daily. She's probably just doing it because she knows it bothers you. I'll admit it I do things and say things that will annoy my sister or brother sometimes. Not as bad as that but still. Maybe it's her way of showing that she cares and wants you better? Maybe she thinks if you stop those things you'll get 100% better? I don't know but try to talk it out with her and find info on the web to share with her so that way she understands it all.
Posted 7/26/2010 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
try reading through these, and printing out which one explains it better & hand it to her & make her read it.


http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/crohns-disease/DS00104

or

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crohn's_disease

or even look up your own. try googling crohns
Posted 7/26/2010 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
and if thats not the worse of it she also says im pathitce that im32 on disablity and live at home with my mom who let me move back in with her when i got the bad news about chorns and lost myjoband everything else. BUT!!!!!! she is 38 with an 8 year old and lives with DADDY!!!! and yes i know i need to stop smoking andi think i eat just fine besides a chillie dog once in awhile
Posted 7/26/2010 8:32 PM (GMT 0)

 CROHN's guy,

Diet only works for some of us.  This is a highly individual disease.  But it is not your fault that you have crohns, because no one really know what exactly causes(there has been research about the genetic links)/triggers it in all cases, nor it there any known cure.  There are treatments, but they do not work in every case.
Please do not let someone else write on the slate of who you are.  Family can be incredibly infuriating (my own older brothers tell me to stop "faking it" because I am not really sick and it was all to blame on my pickiness as a kid), but I realized one thing that this disease is to be a learning experience for me, to be more compassionate with others (although there are times I feel like that TV adver about Drill Instructors as therpists).

And basically my older brothers are not really a part of my life. Other then I spoil my niece and nephew rotten, which is really truely one of the best benefit of having siblings (even one's you do not like).  I found the best response is none to the very minimal, and I think none is best, because it really does not matter what this person thinks about you if they are going to treat you in such an unloving way.   If they force the issue you can use the basic script of "I appreciate your caring input" (while it is not meant to be sarcastic, it sometimes ...) and if that does not do it  "I am going to do what my doctor and I feel is best."

Take care,

Navy

Posted 7/26/2010 8:49 PM (GMT 0)
chornsguy- Don't worry about living at home at 30 that's the new things these days anyway. People say that instead of parents moving in with their kids the kids are now moving back in with their parents! If it makes you feel any better I am 25 and I live at home with my parents. I lost my job last May and still don't have a job. My older sister picks on me and says I need to get a life and move out and get a good job. She bought her 1st house at 23 went to a great college and makes 6 figures a year. If that's what she needs to make her happy is have all that and pick on my fine. I am happy the way I am and I'll tell you what I'd be pretty darn miserable living all alone at my own place and trying to deal with this. We all deal with these issues in our own ways. Maybe our sisters should meet up I think they'd get a long great! lol. You do not need her in your life if she is just going to knock you down. You need people who are going to build you up and help you get through this. Your sister probably thinks that because she has a kid it's ok to live with Daddy. But don't tell her living with Daddy is just like you living with Mommy because that will just get her going more. Ignore her and keep being the great person I'm sure you are. Do what makes YOU happy not what makes others happy.
Posted 7/26/2010 8:53 PM (GMT 0)
Dude, somethings you just got to let go because they are unhealthy for you, and that might be any consideration for you sister's input on your health, because if she is calling you pathetic then she does not have your wellbeing at heart. You do not need to be around people who are so unhealthily negative. Seriously in one's thirties and calling people names does not speak to emotional maturity.
I still think the best reaction is none at all, because this is not someone who has your best interest at heart.
Posted 7/26/2010 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
thank you all for your advice and comments.
Posted 7/27/2010 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
And I hear you and understand where you are coming from...that bond with family...so if you need to vent please do...it is hard when you love that person, but can't stand what they are doing to you, or even if you want to love that person...like my mother-in-law...very much the same way...if I had a penny for every time she made me go "URGH!" from her lack of compassion, I would be very rich (was thinking of the song...if I had a million dollars, by Bare Naked Ladies)...

Anyhoo...there is not much you can say to convince anyone...I guess just grin and bear it, knowing you will always love her(that family thing)...and then come here when it gets too much...but make sure and take care of yourself? K?
Posted 7/27/2010 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
crohnsguy:  Hi, everyone has provided you with very valid suggestions and ways to view life.  Here's my two cents-if your sister really had your back she would throw herself into learning about this disease to improve her knowledge and understanding as tools to care and love her brother.  True love is never critical or derrogatory -that being said - each of us are human and love imperfectly, we just do the best that we know how to do.  Change your expectations, you will be suprised at how freeing it is.   

There are other issues here though:  sibling rivalry and jealousy. It's hard to see the triggers even as an adult, but they are there.  What to do?  Don't let anyone push your emotional buttons.  You know what you need to do for yourself and your health, if others can't or won't help that is their choice.  Their emotion immaturity is not your resposiblity.  Getting frustrated, upset or hurt allows others power over you - time to stop all that nonsense!  There are a variety of counseling services that are inexpensive and available on sliding scale basis that can assist in thinking about issues and changing response patterns. 

So be blessed and continue growing!  Barb

   

 

Posted 7/27/2010 5:42 AM (GMT 0)
I have to fight the urge to tell people like that to shut up unless they're a doctor.
Posted 7/27/2010 10:59 PM (GMT 0)

chornsguy said...
my sister tells me that my chorns if i took care of myself better like quit smoking and eat better for me foods stuff like that.she saysi wouldnt be in any pain and that itstotally my fault for being in pain and having 10-20+ BMs a day its my fault that sumtimes after a big one that im tired and feelwarn out, and its also my fault that i got chorns. ofcourse i try to ingore her but whenyou hear non stop its kinda hard to. i have tried being nice to her and explaining in a calm way about things, iv tried being rude and telling go to hell that she doesnt know what she is talking about. but shewont shut about it. any ideas how to get her to understand? cry cry cry   Sorry 2 hear that your sister is giving u bull when she should b supporting u does she know that there is no cure or cause 4 this disease sounds like she needs a lesson not only on info about Crohns but as being a good sister and helping u not stressing u out...I have a family member like that as well they think there the doctor and know what is best 4 me and tells me what 2 do all the time even when I'm in hospital which I just got out a month ago I had a triple hernia repair and a double bowel resection due 2 repeated bowel obstructions which I ended up in ICU 4 7 long weeks in the end she was telling the doc's how 2 do there job that didn't last mind u they know what she is like and put her in her place and advised her 2 stop cause she was a big contributing factor 2 my recovery,so now I'm happy 2 say she is no longer welcome in my home unless she can keep her mouth shut and things have changed there somewhat,but she still feels the need 2 tell everyone who will listen 2 her that I brought this on myself and the food I eat is all wrong I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy but if god could arrange 4 her 2 go through what I go through in just one day let her walk a mile in my shoes and c where she stands than I bet the tables would b turned than right,,, I hope and pray that u 2 can resolve your issues trust me when I say I know what your going through try taking her along with u 2 your next doctors app and before hand call your doc explain the issues your having with her maybe he can shed some light on it 4 her good luck 2 u I wish u all the best sorry 4 the long quote and post but when I read this it made my blood boil....Take Care Of Yourself And Let Your Sister Take Care Of Her Own Life And 2 But Out Of Yours.... yeah turn smilewinkgrin

Posted 7/28/2010 2:24 PM (GMT 0)
Try reversing your strategy . When she gos off on you, say nothing until she has run out of BS and then in a very sarcastic way , say, "I love you too sis , I'm so glad your a doctor. "
Posted 7/28/2010 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
I eat healthy and don't smoke and I stil have UC. I have been flaring since January with periods of remission from prednisone but never stable. She should educate herself, this has nothing to do with diet!
Posted 7/28/2010 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with everyone your sis is way out of line, and it's just plain mean to say it is your fault you have Crohn's.

If you are ever interested in investigating diets, there are some, like the Makers Diet and the SCD diet, that some people swear by. BUT these are really tough diets to follow. And they don't work for everybody. Also, some patients have found that simply going gluten-free helps.  

You have my sympathies about the smoking issue - we do know it makes Crohn's worse, but it's so dang hard to quit! Glad I never started smoking, because it's so tough to stop.

Post Edited (njmom) : 7/28/2010 4:56:36 PM (GMT-6)

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