Lost & Confused about Life?

I haven't had a job for a little over a year now. I just started looking for a job recently but I am terrified to start a new job. I am not scared to try something new and meet new people. What scares me is that before I was diagnosed I was a great employee and had perfect attendance 3 years in a row. Then in 2008 it all started to go down hill. I started calling in sick sometimes I was out for a day, few days or even weeks. I hated being out of work and missing it but the doctor told me I was not allowed to go in. So I wouldn't go in. So now that I am looking for work and not being 100% flare free I am scared to start somewhere. I hate calling in sick and would think it would look awful to just start somewhere and have to call in. Right now I'm living at home and my parents pay for everything. They pay for my health insurance, car insurance, perscriptions, you get the idea everything!! I feel awful that they pay for everything but they say they want to help and can't imagine not helping since they didn't want me working so I could get this under control. Well now it's been a year and I need to work. I don't think I am really ready to go back yet but I really need to it's been a year! I loved working and making money! I used to do anything and wasn't scared of anything at all. I loved to travel and now I don't like to because I worry about what could happen and will there be bathrooms etc. I still do but not as much as I would like to. So I guess why I am here is because now I will have a really bad day and for a few days after that very bad day I will be terrified to leave the house. I don't want to leave because I don't want to have an attack out and about. My friends will invite me out and I won't go because I just don't have fun going out with them because I'm thinking of what might happen because it always does. It seems like it's 10x worse when you need to go out of your own house. I guess I'm writting this to see if anyone else is like this and how they help their nerves? Should I mention this to my PCP and ask for something to calm me? I don't want to look like and idiot and would feel embarresed having to bring this up. I am so lost and don't even know what to do anymore since I am so scared to leave my "safe" surroundings.

Thanks Ivy! You sound just like my mom, aunt and grandmother when you come to the working and volunteering. I actually just got in touch with some homeless shelter to help them. I just have to send the paperwork back. I also volunteer every year for Dana Farber/Jimmy Fund but not sure I'm going to be able to do that this year as it's at Fenway and outside. The heat has been getting to me lately. So I'm looking forward to hearing back from the homeless shelter. I do think it's a great idea to start with volunteering since it will help my nerves since if I can do that I am ready to go back to work. It will also help with the year gap on my resume. I have applied for a few part time jobs but I end up turning them down. My moms a nurse and the company she works for is looking for someone part time just 3-7pm M-F. I think it would be great since I do better late afternoon. I just don't want my moms name on me if for some reason I don't work out.

I don't know how I would do with counseling as I don't really open up to people face to face with this type of stuff. I get too embarresed since it's still very new to me. Plus they don't have CD so they probably wouldn't understand. Right? Do you go and do you find it helps? I don't even share lots of info about me and CD to my friends. It's been hard for me. I was never sick before not even a little ear ache I was always the healthiest. Well guess that all changed now I'm always sick. I'll have to look into it. Would take a lot of courage to suck it up and go talk to a complete stranger.


I'm afraid of the pain and not being able to find a toliet in time. For example my friends were all going out for dinner Saturday and they wanted me to go I didn't want to go at all but my mom talked me into it. I did go and was doing fine and then I started to just not feel good. My stomach started hurting and when that happens in public I get nervous that an attack will come next. Plus the pain get's bad sometimes that I get lightheaded and sweat. Then when that happens I get more emotional but I think that the meds help with the emotions. I try to explain it to people and they just don't get it so I gave up. Plus I'm 25 and feel like a 2yo sometimes because of all this.

I think I am too Ivy but don't want to admit it maybe? My life seemed so perfect before Crohn's came into it. So I try to act like my life is still great but really having CD has changed my life so much. I don't like telling my family how I'm doing because I want them to think I am doing well when I am not. My mom does ask and I tell her I'm fine but really I am not. Just don't want them worrying. They must see it and just don't tell me since my grandmother had the idea of volunteering and then had everyone else in the family mention it to me. I agreed thought it was a great idea but got annoying with people keep saying I should do it. Thanks Ivy I really do appreciate your help, adivce!

Enjoy your morning and will look to see if you had time to write more. TTYS.

(((HUGS)))RedSox

I feel the same way, so you are not alone. I had also ALWAYS been a great employee, always early, never sick, always putting in 110%, and then Crohn's...

It just sucks!

I just recently got a new permanant Job after I got fired a while back for being sick. Before I got this job I actually got a temporary job with a Hospital, I got it more because I was desperate for anything I could get, But it REALLY helped with getting me back into a schedule and working. Maybe you could find something temporary, so that if you aren't really ready to get back working, it's not really going to hurt anything, since it's just a Temp job. Also, the 3-7 job thing actually sounds pretty awesome, It can gradually get you back into things, and if It doesn't work out, just a guess here but I don't think your mom will really take it personally, I mean she knows your sick, and at least you tried.

The going out in public thing, I can't really give you any advice on since I'm having problems with that myself. I recently had problems. I've been keeping to myself at home, and hadn't been going out and doing anything in probably about a year, and the first night I try, I didn't do so good...SO I'm waiting again a little while before I go out and be social again :(
It sucks being a homebody as young as us :/

Okay first off I really think that you have developed anxiety related to your Crohns. Believe it or not, many on this very forum have developed it too. I bet if you look at alot of signatures you will see many are taking either anxiety meds or anti depressants because of this darn disease. I developed anxiety about 3 years ago after having the disease for over 30 years. I highly suggest you get in and see a therapist, if you can find one who deals with chronic health issues, even better. Having this disease sucks, but when you add in depression or anxiety it only makes its worse. I suggest getting in with your family doc and getting a referral to a psychiatrist or therapist who can either help you work thru these issues or maybe even prescribe a med to help you calm your fears. You can't keep this all bottled up inside, or your just gonna get worse. Good luck!

Sorry about the homeless shelter. Some volunteer places are a lot less stern on such things, though. It may take you some trial and error, but I'm sure you'll find a niche eventually.

Seeing as you're fairly new to all this, it might help you to keep a short symptoms & activity diary, just to see what you're able to do after certain symptoms.

I've never written it down, but I have worked out that I can walk a certain distance when I'm having 16+ bms a day; things like that. That has done a lot to help my confidence.

I think most of us always have these concerns, but with experimentation we can work out what our limits are, and move safely within them when we are feeling vulnerable, and then gradually try to expand them when we are feeling brave.

Ivy.

I'm glad I could help, RedSox.

I don't need to keep them so much now, but I found that records helped me a lot when I was very unwell. Eventually I had reached the point where I knew that if I was taking x number of painkillers a day, or was having y and z as symptoms, then I needed to phone my doctor immediately, because those symptoms had always landed me in hospital in the past. It meant I could deal with things early, and (hopefully) have a better outcome than I would have had I allowed them to progress.

The activity log won't be 100% reliable, and you won't always be able to, say, go to the beach when you're feeling like this, but at least it will give you some confidence to know that you *have* done it with these symptoms, and that you are likely to be able to go there again one day.

Huge hugs.

Ivy.

And you're very welcome to join in the daily tlc threads

Thanks Ivy maybe I will. I do read those but don't have anything to really add my life and schedule is pretty lame right now! I did go for a walk on the beach with my mom tonight and it felt good! Now maybe I'll actually go out with friends when they ask and just suck it up we'll see. Baby steps though not that brave yet!

There's a beach at the end of my street and it's private so it's nice and quiet. Normally it's pretty calm but it seems as though a storm is coming so the waves are bigger then usual. I put my feet in but it was way too cold to put anymore of myself in! It's very rocky closer to the shore but the closer to the water is more sand then rocks. It's a great beach to watch the sunset but that hasn't happened yet here or I would have stayed. I love to swim in the ocean something about the waves and salt water. We've been having great white sightings near the Cape so a lot of people have been staying out of the water. It's pretty cold anyway right now and not that hot so when you get out you'd be even more cold. Wish we could post pictures on this site. It's a great beach!

Yes, as in the shark! On Friday, swimmers on Salisbury Beach north of Boston were warned of a possible shark sighting; on Tuesday, a great white shark was tagged off of Cape Cod's Chatham. On Friday, swimmers at Salisbury Beach north of Boston were ordered to stay close to shore for a few hours after a fisherman reported a possible shark sighting. I can get to the Cape in about 15-20min and to Boston in about 45min. So I have the best of both worlds!

How are the beaches in Austrailia? I've always wanted to go there. My grandmother went years ago and she told me if and when I do go I'd have to at least go for two weeks so I could see everything and because of travel time to get there from the states. Have you ever been to the States? I've seen it in pictures, TV and Movies and seems like a great place to live.

Hi, I feel for you .... its difficult ..... I was a dental assistant .... gave that up ....and started working as a relief teacher assistant in a special needs school ..... I'm now full time ..... love it ..... and you don't have to worry about your toilet habits ...blame it on the students lol

I see a psychiatrist due to anxiety issues.  He's the second one I've seen and I didn't have to disclose embarassing information to either of them.  They both knew what Crohn's was and that's all I had to say.  I also tried meeting with a therapist or counselor to learn techniques to help relieve anxiety (breathing, visualization, etc.) but stopped seeing her because she wanted me to come a couple of times a week.  You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to or are not comfortable with telling them.  I recently attended an educational program for the Arthritis Foundation and the guest speaker was a clinical psychologist and she talked about the psychology of chronic pain.  I really liked her approach...she seemed to really understand what people with chronic pain go through and how that affects their lives.  Maybe someone like that would be a good place to start.  There is absolutely no shame in having to take something or talk to someone for the anxiety/depression that having a chronic disease causes.