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Posted 11/2/2010 4:37 AM (GMT 0)
......in tears?!?!?!?  I mean, what the hell.  I sleep from 7 am until 2 pm because of my work schedule.  I was RUDELY awakened today to rush to the toilet and sit there, in painful tears for 45 minutes.  Long enough to be WIDE awake by the time I crawl back to bed.  My body let me sleep until I had to get up, but NOooooooo, I apparently wasn't done.  (not like THIS has never happened before)

Fast forward a couple hours, I make it to work, clock in 5 minutes later than I wanted although technically I was 25 minutes early (instead of 30 mins).  I am so freakin hungry but my gut still feeling unsure, I am literally afraid to eat my chicken and rice.  I am not dealing well with my co-workers, can't focus on the work and in general feeling pretty sorry for myself at the moment.  And I don't even know or understand why.  I have all this other added drama (you would not believe) at home with my 2 grown kids, money issues, where will I pay for the next refills from, work stress and all I wanna do is sit here and cry at my own little pity party.  I am not so much of a macho guy as to think the tears are intolerable in a man, but I feel a bit ridiculous and yet I can't quit.  WHAT is wrong with me.  I was just having a discussion with someone last night about how it's not that bad, I'm lucky this is all I have to deal with, so on and so forth.

I know none of you have the answer I am looking for, I just thought it might help me to write out my feelings.  I just cannot seem to shake the depression at the moment.  (fill in your favorite colorful metaphors and expletives here cuz I am).

Thanks for reading

Posted 11/2/2010 5:24 AM (GMT 0)
(((mdf)))

I do feel for you. Those early morning traumatic toilet trips can wreck you, emotionally, for the rest of the day... and that's before you begin to factor in all the other rubbish you're dealing with :-(.
Posted 11/2/2010 6:08 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know if it's at all possible but perhaps you should look into changing your shifts and do days instead of nights. You really need to take care of yourself...


z
Posted 11/2/2010 6:58 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, I LOVE my shift!  Absolutely not a problem.  I have a lot more leeway with things on nights.  It is a good shift for me as I have always been a bit of a nightowl.  What island do you live on Ari?

@Ivy

I know, but today is worse than others for some reason.  I really am trying to do all I can to eliminate as much stress as possible. But.........it follows me, lol.  Man I don't think I could list all the crap on my mind lately, I really do try not to think about it.

 

Posted 11/2/2010 7:02 AM (GMT 0)
Would it help to write each of the problems down? That way, they're on paper and you won't feel so much responsibility to carry them in your head :-(.
Posted 11/2/2010 7:15 AM (GMT 0)
I have to say even my wife suggested that, but apparently I am not open minded enough to think that will work cuz I haven't tried it yet.  I really should try it I guess.
Posted 11/2/2010 7:42 AM (GMT 0)
We live on the beautiful Island of Jersey...at least that's what the tourists say :-)


z
Posted 11/2/2010 7:44 AM (GMT 0)
Moo (sorry, couldn't resist) :-)
Posted 11/2/2010 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
:-)


z
Posted 11/2/2010 8:50 AM (GMT 0)
:-) Not that I can talk - I'm slap bang in the middle of dairying country myself :-).

Mdf, please do try it. It really can help... for some reason just putting it on paper can help reduce stress levels. I really do think that the brain is programmed to try to remember stressors; if it knows it doesn't have to, it can feel less stressed itself (what grammar; sorry).
Posted 11/2/2010 9:29 AM (GMT 0)
Sadly there's not much room left for our cows over here these days. It's offshore banking that keeps this place going, but we still sell a lot of royals and see tourists all year round...

:-)
Posted 11/2/2010 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hey mdf I have been where you are at many times. Its the lack of proper sleep that is hitting you and making you anxious about everything. Go ahead and let yourself have that good cry, sometimes it just helps. It also might be one of those days you take a mental health day from work and get the rest you need. I am sure you will feel better if you get a good rest. Gentle hugs buddy!
Posted 11/2/2010 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
thinking of you and honestly I spent a few days like that last week.... this too shall pass :)

p.s. i think you should try the 'writing down the stessors' suggestion- it really works!

Hope you feel better soon and don't beat yourself up, it is ok to have a bad day and maybe a mental health day is what you need!

B :)
Posted 11/3/2010 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah, I know. I actually had someone aske me at work last night, why are you so pissed off and angry, you know how this is going to be and this is what you have to deal with.  Obviously that person didn't quite get it or I couldn't explain it very well.  This person was upset with me for me being upset and carrying it to work.
Posted 11/3/2010 7:37 AM (GMT 0)
Geez. That's helpful. I'm sorry that happened, mdf.

OK, here's another approach: can you think of one thing that you are willing to share with us here, that would be on your stress list if you wrote it down... *but* would be a fair way down the list because it would be fairly easy or quick to fix?

If you're anything like me, your stress list gets filled up with things that are only five minute jobs, but because that big, emotionally "heavy" stress is so very stressful, all those five minute stresses get caught up in the general anxiety, and before you know it you're overwhelmed. That's badly expressed, but I hope you know what I mean.

Sometimes just attempting those five minute jobs can get the ball rolling and make you feel a trifle more able to deal with the huge and personal and upsetting things.
Posted 11/3/2010 8:59 AM (GMT 0)
See, that's exactly how  work.  I knock out the little stuff as it comes or it can wait, no big deal, it gets done or it doesn't.

I guess I didn't do it how you suggested Ivy.  It's the big stuff thats getting to me.  The minutiae (sp) does not bother me and I always make some time for ME every day.

My big stressors, not necessarily in order, I couldn't make out how to prioritize them Ivy to follow your suggestion:

My youngest son moved back home after being unable to make it on his own, got an underage girl preggie, had the baby (we were not included at all) moved her to my house a couple months ago, without my permission against my consent, forced them to move out a month later, which was a month ago just prior to starting the remi.

This DD.

My Oldest son fell and ruptured a disk in his back.

Money, as in I'm all out due to my son's antics and my unexpected medical expenses this past year on top of all the lost wages last year.

The holidays are coming, house cleaning cuz relatives are coming factors in here a bit.

It is performance review time at work

My wife and her lack of understanding this DD.

Finding money for my next refills

Remi infusion days

Posted 11/3/2010 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
Yep, been there done that.  The only thing that really helped me was Zoloft. Once it kicked in I feel much better and everybody around me is happier! My colon rectal surgeon advised me to give it a try.  Some folks, with our disease,  food will aggrevate the symptoms and in others it's stress.  Zoloft made me feel sluggish and ill for about 5 weeks after starting it but once it started working life is good again.  Stuff you worry about will hit your back and roll right off. The generic didn't work as good as the real stuff so I got back on the name brand. Good Luck. It's gonna get better.

Steve

Posted 11/3/2010 12:17 PM (GMT 0)

I know exactly how you feel, cause I've been there many times...  For me stress in the no. 1 factor for being sick.  I too have to deal with difficulties at work, financial issues, two teenage girls, a husband who thinks that Crohns is not such a big deal and the list goes on.  First of all crying helps a lot!  Don't be afraid to cry, it takes the tension off your chest.  After many months of being depressed after my last flair in June, I decided to start visiting a phsycologist once a week, plus I started taking an anti-depressant every night.  Believe it or not, the combination of professional help and the anti-depressant makes a huge difference to my everyday life.  I still got the same problems to deal with, but they seem a lot easier to handle than before.  Plus I try to convince myself to see things from another prospective e.g.  if I loose sleep at night thinking how I will find money to pay the bills, will I solve the problem?  no!  I try to worry about things I can change, not things I can't change.  Last thing:  Every night I give myself a present: one hour just for me, to do the things I like, read my book, watch a good film, do some broidery (sp?), write my journal, or just listen to my favourite music.  That hour is usually from 23.00 to midnight, when everybody is sleeping, so that nobody can interrupt me.  I really enjoy it, and although I'm sometimes tired, I'm always looking forward to doing "my" things!

Hope I helped just a little bit, and don't let anybody tell you there are a lot worse diseases in the world, of course there are, we all know it, but dealing with CD daily is not easy at all!

Hugs from Athens,

Christina

Posted 11/3/2010 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
Your overwhelmed MGF. I used to do the same thing but my shrink made me do a exercise that helped me. I wore a rubberband on my wrist and each time I found myself stressing over something I could not change I had to snap the rubberband. The stings get to you after a while and you start dealing only with what you can fix and doing so only when you can fix them. Sorta like not crossing the bridge until you get to it. You have to accept the fact that you ,can't, fix everything . It's very hard to stop the worry but its bad for your health and does a number on your peace of mind. Think of it a trying to juggle too many things at one time, something has to fall. Let go and deal with what you have to deal with only when you have to and only if you can . I let the world around me eat me up for too many years and all i did was make myself sick and those around me miserable . Cut yourself some slack and try to enjoy what you can in life and dont beat yourself up over what you can't control . After all, there is no normal life,,only life ..
Posted 11/4/2010 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
All this stress only makes things worse for you and your digestive problems! You sound a lot like I sounded before I started taking Celexa for anxiety. I didn't want to "open that door" of taking antidepressants, not sure why. Maybe my own personal stigma? But I have to tell you that it has helped me a lot. I know it doesn't sound appealing to add yet another medication to your long list but you should talk to your Dr. It could be a big help for you.
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