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How do you make a spouse understand what it is like to not eat for days ?

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 7/23/2011 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
My Cronhs has not been active for a while, almost two years.  When I am in remission, it is easy to "forget" to a point about it.  I think my husband does as well, which is a good thing.  Now that I am flaring for the last 2 weeks and not eating a thing for the last few days, I am probably begining to get easily agitated.  But it does not help when the husband does insensitive thing such as he asked me the other day "what should I have for dinner" I mean really? I am not even eating.  I get angry at him for not being more understanding or showing it.  I Can imagine many of you deal with this to a point with friends, family, spouses.. Guess I needed to vent a little to the people that do understand :)  
Posted 7/23/2011 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
It's a man thing :) (sorry guys)
Even if you were to give him a choice of x.y and z he still wouldn't be able to choose.
Not only do we have to make a list of what to buy, then actually buy it, put it away in cupboards etc but then they expect us to decide what to have when!!
Posted 7/24/2011 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Honestly, that kinda sounds like a poor attempt at a joke. He knows you haven't been eating, and maybe wanted to lighten the mood by asking silly questions in silly ways. Us menfolk do dumber things on a regular basis.
Posted 7/24/2011 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Vixen, see thats exactly how it goes in my house :) Bane.. thanks for trying to make me so a different side of it...
Posted 7/24/2011 3:55 AM (GMT 0)
My husband asks so he doesn't make something that will make me either want to eat it or gag from the smell. He usually just wants to know what won't bother me much.
Posted 7/24/2011 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Invite him to share YOUR "diet" w/you.
Posted 7/24/2011 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
You don't really know why he did it unless you ask...don't accuse him of being insensitive...he just may not have realized to the extent that you not eating/feeling sick and as much as we don't like it, it effects us emotionally.

Maybe just let him know that when you haven't eaten for a few days it would help if he just quietly made food or even pick up take out until you feel better.

Hang in there!
Posted 7/24/2011 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
As hard as it is for us to deal with Crohns, I know it's not easy for our partners either.

I haven't been eating much the past couple of weeks either. :\ The other day I go over my boyfriends house and as soon as I walk in, I'm hit with the aroma of bacon! I absolutely love bacon! I made a comment to my boyfriend and he said "sorry I didn't save you any, I didn't think you'd want any". I was furious! He knew I was coming over, but didn't save me any bacon!
Then I thought about it, and realized if he would've have waited and ate when I got there, I probably would've been upset that he was eating when I didn't feel like it.

I hate to admit it, but with this disease there are so many double standards. Luckily my boyfriend is pretty understanding.

So, paintedsongs, I hope you feel better soon, and I hope your husband understands what you're going through and how easy it is for you to get aggravted with him.
Posted 7/25/2011 11:35 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, my husband tends to forget how bad the CD can be when I feel well for a long period of time too. He has explained to me that he tends to downplay the problems because I do and he is trying to follow my lead. However, sometimes it is jsut that he forgets what a "non-normal" life is like. He once walked by me with a cupcake while I was fasting for a test. Didn't even dawn on him until I asked what he was doing.
I find he has peaks and valleys of understanding. But, I also have peaks and valleys of symptoms and of patience. So I try to give him the benefit of the doubt first. Just make sure I say what I am thinking in a non-aggressive way so he knows what I am thinking. We have also found that talking about how others (friends and family) react to my issues and why has helped him to understand more. He becomes a better spokesperson for me then.
Another thing that has helped him to understand is I have him go to the grocery store for my specific type of Ensure or have him make Jello or pudding or rice or mashed potatoes for me. It seems when he has to create the just one food I can handle he sees more what a limit it is.
I hope you are feeling better soon and he gains a greater understanding. Feel free to vent!
Posted 7/25/2011 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
He really is a good guy and is overall very understanding and sensitive most of the time. I also down play things, especially to family. He has become very good with family, especially his about my Crohns. I think just the frustration of him eating anything he wants and me eating nothing or just applesauce just got me. This has been one of the longest flares for me, going on 2 weeks and my patience is about shot!! Its easy to become fixated on food when you can't have it! Thank you for your thoughts, helps me think about it in a different way.
Posted 7/25/2011 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
In defense of your husband , us guys just don't know what to say or do in some situations. It's not that we don't care , its that most of us believe its our job to fix things and when we can't , well, we are perplexed . My wife has cancer and is on chemo . I cant fix that and we do have verbal exchanges where I feel nothing I say is the right thing to say at times. If your husband is helping you around the house or working extra hours or anything he feels is a help , that may be all he can think of to do. Talk to him about it but also remember he is a man and we are just wired in a different way . I'm just saying we are different , not saying we are not equal .
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