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Posted 7/29/2011 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
 Im 25 years old and live in NJ. I suffered for many years with many symptons and numerous doctors. I was diagnosed with Crohns at the age of 17.

Ive been hospitalized so many times i lost count. and have also been on almost every medication you could think of. Ive had two surgeries in the past years. Since my lasy surgery ive been on Humira which has helped me go into remission.

Now many people are on this site to get information about crohns and what helps them.I want to see if anyone can help me. they say some people suffer from depression with Crohns. I am depressed and confused and dont know what to do anymore. i am a shy person and dont really socialize with many people. i think its because people dont understand my situation and crohns. Also many people have problems with eating because of Crohns. and have to change there diet. Ive been trying to gain weight for so long and have had no luck. everytime it seems i gain weight it looks like i loose it. i have no confidence in myself because i am skinny. its hard for me to find someone to be happy with becasue of this. i feel like if i was to gain weight it would help my confidence . everytime i try to talk to a girl and she finds out i have Crohns they judge me right away and never talk to me again. that makes me depressed and feel like im not good enough for anyone. Pepole have put me down and verbally abused me about my appearace cause im skinny. this is why i put up a wall around people sometimes and dont go out and social with people. ive never had a girlfriend. and  really think its cause of my Crohns. all i want is to be happy. it makes me sad when i do go out and see everyone else with there girlfriends having fun and laughing. i have dreams like am i ever gonna feel what it feels like to have someone who cares for me and would understand my situation. and i can spend time with and get to know on another level. i also feel like the only way i will find a girl to be happy with is if she has Crohns cause we would understand each other.

please if anyone feels this way reach out to me. i need some advise through these hard times im having. Or someone i can talk to or meet.

thank you

Hope,Courage,Faith

Posted 7/29/2011 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
Hey =) I am a 21 year old girl. I, like you, have had Crohns for a while and have had 2 surgeries and also, I am on Humira. =) I am not sure I could give advice about the dating thing because I do not date but have you ever thought about being a camp councilor at Camp Oasis? Almost every state has a camp for kids with Crohns during the summer. It is a great experience and you would meet alot of people who suffer from Crohns too. =) there is a link on the CCFA website with more info. You should check it out. www.ccfa.org

I plan my whole year around this camp =)

Its amazing!

Hope things work out for you!

Posted 7/29/2011 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Sportsfan, you're definitely not the only person that feels this way!
I've had my share of relationships, and I'm currently in a commited relationship now, but I completely understand where you're coming from.

Some people just freak out when you tell them you have an illness. Unfortunately, that's the sad truth.

Even friends that I have known forever started treating me different since I was diagnosed. They don't invite me out to do things because "they just figured I didn't feel like going out" :\ I wouldn't say that I'm depressed, but it definitely gets me down sometimes!

Beca123... thanks for suggesting Camp Oasis.. I have never heard of it before, but I'm going to look into it right now :)
Posted 7/29/2011 1:55 AM (GMT 0)
Sportsfan, I am so glad you posted here! Welcome. I look forward to getting to know you through your posts, and I'm sure you'll have a lot of BTDT stories to share with folks who are in situations you've been through.

If you are feeling sad all the time, I think it is right to talk to a social worker/psychologist/therapist. Depression can be treated with meds, and while you're situation is hard, the chemical changes that occur in a brain that's depressed can be treated with meds, while talk therapy can help you address the emotional content of your worries. I've done talk therapy here and there throughout my life (including when I was in my 20s like you). Usually I spend a few months talking through a problem and then I'm ok with it, and don't need to talk again to a therapist until another big issue comes up - sometimes a decade later. That's ok too!

I hope that your remission on Humira is a good and long one.
Posted 7/29/2011 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
This breaks my heart a little, but I do have something to say about medication for depression/anxiety. A few weeks ago, I did not want to leave my house. I hated having to go to work - mostly because I felt so terrible. I asked my GP if I could try some "crazy meds" to help with my anxiety and fear of whatever my eventual diagnosis will be. I started them and the next day I was a whole new person. I still have all my my symptoms, probably just as severe, but my outlook is much different. I feel quite bad but I am happy, really outgoing, and just feel like a better version of myself. I think it is definitely worth asking your doc about.

Not feeling well sucks, especially if you compare yourself to those who seem to feel fine out and about in the world. As soon as I start to feel sorry for myself I realize that I don't know everything about their lives. A couple eating dinner, may have recently lost a baby to some birth defect, someone who seems to be carefree and out partying may have lost their father at a young age or is abused by their boyfriend. There are those who seem to be handed the easy path through life, but there are a lot of times I get to know someone and realize that if I had to choose their life or mine, I would still pick mine. Just something to think about. We are rooting for you and there are people out there who aren't afraid to be with someone with a disease, they are just a little harder to find. I imagine this will get easier as you get a little older and the maturity of your potential significant others improves. Take care!

Posted 7/29/2011 2:12 AM (GMT 0)
Sportsfan, let me join the choir. I'm a new member, just looking for an answer to a question I had about drug interactions, but your post compelled me to register and reply to you.

I am a 29 year old female who has felt that same way. I was diagnosed with Crohn's when I was 19. I had a boyfriend at the time, but never quite seemed to take it seriously. To him, I had an upset stomach all the time and I should just take something and get over it. I've been on remicade for about 6 years now and have been fairly well controlled for a long time (though I still have the occasional bad day and very occasional flare).

I was a little bit in denial about how it would affect my mood (and really my life) when I was younger, but my mom went to the support groups sponsored by CCFA (crohn's and colitis foundation of america). She met a lot of people who were dealing with the same things I was, and though I didn't think I needed anyone's support, I learned a lot from the stories she brought back. One thing that has made relationships difficult for me my whole adult life is that people either patronize me (you're too sick, you won't want to do this), or don't take my illness seriously (you don't LOOK sick) until I'm hospitalized. It was really nice to hear from all the people who have been dealing with the same issues, at all different points in their lives, and talk about ways to deal with it. I think the most important thing for me was knowing that I wasn't the only person who felt that way.

Even now, even though I am in a committed relationship with someone who is really supportive and understanding, it's hard to feel different from everyone. On days when I'm not feeling my best, it's hard to be close to someone. Even though I've dealt with this for 10 years and have pretty much made peace with it, I still have moments where I wish I could be like everyone else and just feel really good most of the time.

But the most important thing is that if you take it seriously, and learn how to take care of yourself mentally and physically, life is about more than crohn's disease, especially if your crohn's is well controlled (hooray humira!). It still isn't the first thing I bring up when I meet people (I don't want anyone to think of me as "that lady who's sick") but as you get older you learn how to talk to people about it, and you make friends with people who understand, even if they've never experienced it. The other thing that has helped me a lot is learning about the science of the disease and of the treatments. You may not be in control of your body, but I find it comforting to at least know why things are happening. CCFA has some great informational workshops that can help with this, too.

I really recommend that you check out the support groups, and Camp Oasis, for support. Your doctor might even be able to recommend a social worker or therapist for you to talk to. Lots of hospitals also have support services like therapy and support groups for patients, too. The outside world may not realize it, but there are a ton of people just like you, me, and the other people responding to this post. Here's a link to the support services that CCFA offers: http://www.ccfa.org/chapters/services?LMI=8.4

Hang in there!!!
Posted 7/29/2011 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Sportsfan,

I often feel like that about relationships.

I was diagnosed at 13 and I am currently 27. Remicade gave me remission for several years, but now I'm stuck in a flare and I am not responding to medication. I have had 4 surgeries in the past two years to drain abscesses. They keep coming back and I am starting to lose control of my BM's.

A relationship with a girl is the last thing on my mind right now. I can't help but think what chance do I have when I can't travel too far from home and not to any place without a decent bathroom. I also can't go to the bar and have a drink or take a girl out to eat. And then what if things get intimate? I have fistulas that are kept open with setons and they drain all the time. It is pretty disgusting and I can't imagine getting intimate with those.

Its tough now, but I'm hopeful that either Tysabri or surgery will get me feeling better so one day I will be able to have an actual date and not worry about my Crohn's.

Hope things get better for you soon,

Joe
Posted 7/29/2011 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
All you want to do somedays are to take the whole world by the shoulders and shake them around, screaming, HELLO, HELP ME, PLEASE

followed by the sound of crickets.....

all things come and go in stages, in the early years of my illness I was so depressed I seriously could understand how and why people would want to end it all, but that changes, as all things do, you cant believe how much your body can take, telling you how strong you truly are, you cant believe how much resistance you have to put up with from family, friends, co-workers, whatever hospital system is treating you....

Yet, you grow more patient, you learn more about the new system you are in and how to use it ot your advantage, even though there are occasional set backs.

You become Capt Kirk, there are no no-win scenarios.....

it may seem bleak some days, but I swear to you, if you hang in there, if you just keep believeing in you, not them, they are not you, and you are special. You will come out stronger then all your foes, whoever they might be and whatever form they may take.

I got lucky, the woman I have been with decided to stay with me through it all, 5 good years and then 11 years of hospital hell.

There is going to come a day, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, but when that day comes, your going to feel ok with yourself and know you can freaking handle anything after handling this, something you cant truly say about people who are healthy.

We are a special group of people, warriors who wont fall in battle.

Go Crohns Warrior's and of course my hero Capt Kirk (aka all of you)

Jon

Posted 7/29/2011 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
Jon, that was inspiring!
Posted 7/29/2011 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
it is difficult, because our problems are so anti-social if you know what i mean. I'm lucky my wife accepts me with loud obnoxious gas and all the other goodies that cd throws at us. hang in there

AG
Posted 7/29/2011 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
sportsfan, as you can see, in just a few hours, a number of people have already chimed in with great advice and support. Those of us with Crohn's actually have two issues: (1) the medical symptoms and difficulties of the disease, and (2) the mental, emotional, and social anguish of living with a chronic illness. We go through the trial and error of finding the right medicine and treatment plan to put this nasty disease into remission, but even in remission the constant worry of the next flare looms over our heads.

The disease causes us frequently changing body weight. This was tough for me to go through in my 20's also. Relationships with girls were scarce. I funny aside to artist guy's comment "our problems are so anti-social" - I found an anti-social girl...what a match!

If a potential partner can't handle the external changes you go through, how are they going to last through all the ordinary life changes we face in this world? If they can't handle external changes, then they wouldn't make a very good potential mate. They are not good enough for you, not the other way around as you stated above.

Have you considered counseling or a CCFA-type of Crohns support group (either CCFA or some local hospitals sponser)?

You said you are in remission now.
How is your appetite?
Are you gaining, losing or maintaining weight?
Have you considered Ensure type drinks for a short period of time to help supplement calories and vitamins?

Something that worked wonders for me at your age was TaeKwonDo. I had always enjoyed participating in sports and athletics, but was never physically gifted. I liked playing pickup games with friends, but was never good enough for high school sports. I found the right school and right teacher for adults...and I believe the right martial art for me. This helped greatly with my confidence, my physical strength/ability, and my weight.

I had started in remission from Remicade and was already at a much better weight and physcial situation than I had suffered the previous 2 years. My weight bottomed out at about 130 (where 165-170 is a good weight for my height) I was up to about 145 when I started TKD.

I started at level 0 and earned a black belt in 3-4 years, was assisting with a kids class, and helping other adults/teenagers in our adult classes. The weight slowly came on, though I never got bulky in fat or muscle mass. My weight for much of the past decade has been between 165-175.

Thanks for taking the time to post here, and I look forward to your responses.
Posted 8/1/2011 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
it seems like you can't win
my disease is completely under control, but i've traded the symptoms for zero social life because of my diet
for me the sacrifice is worth it . . . for now
Posted 8/1/2011 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
you will win, it is just a different kind of victory

you will find someone along the way just by getting stronnger from this disease, it will boost your confidence, that living witthis you can master anything, it alwys seems worse when your younger, hormones, testosterone, I don't know.

someone will begin to see the things in you that make you unique.

Eveytime I have come into what I thought was a no-win scenario, it turned out 3 to 6 months down the line to work out for me, wether it was SSI, Medi-Cal, the hospital, my illness, a scan, a surgery. Somehow things sem to bleak, then down the road less and less things seem bleak.

You have something wonderful going here, you found this forum, I trust the inofrmation from patients here more then the lies that come out of my Doctors mouths.

Stick with us and we might all get through this in one piece, or for most of us less pieces then we started with :)

Jon
Posted 8/2/2011 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
sportsfan - are you still out there?
what is your favorite sport & team?
Posted 8/2/2011 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
Now that you are in remission hopefully you will find that you will put on weight. I think some of this may bedue to your confidence, or lack of confidence. If you are self concious about yourself this can make you an easy target for people you like to look hard in front of their mates by picking or bullying you.

It's not easy but maybe some councelling along with medication if necessary could help you get your confidence back. People aren't always necessarily bothered about what illness you have but how you project it - for instance, when I tell people I have CD I say it can be hard at times but the positive is I can eat all the cakes and chocolate I want and never put on weight! ( I have a ileostomy and so much bowel removed I don't absorb very much so need to eat 4000 calories a day.)

Maybe don't go into too much detail until you have known a girl for a bit longer and she can see the real you, that way the CD will not seem such a big deal. Are there any hobbies or interests you enjoy or want to take up now you are starting to feel better. Maybe some club/organisation locally you can join, this is best way to meet like minded people.

Meeting people and especially a partner isn't easy even for healthy people so don't assume it is just you that is finding it hard. Try not to focus on the CD and the problems you have had but look towards the future and starting to live your life now in remission. Take it one step at a time, set yourself one goal or aim to do each day/week whatever you feel comfortable with but make them realistic - no point in trying to do it all in a week or you are setting yourself up for a fall which will just increase your lack of confidence.

Good luck and try to focus on your positive points and not the negative ones.
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