Heya Miss,
I gotta go with the Dawg on alot of this, being a man and all, 43, 11 years crohns, 16 years in relationship.
My GF, we never got married, due to disability issues, another gift from crohns.
I can put alot of this blame on the drugs I suppose, but it also lies at my feet.
Soemtimes, for no reason, I will lash out at my GF every time she tries to help me or asks me how much pain I am in.
She won't stop trying to help, to cure me, to love me and it drives me crazy soetimes.
It makes no sense, how could I resent someone who loves me and is trying to help me.
Cause I am an idiot, I am a man. It has to be coded into our DNA or something, say stupid things you don't mean, throw away the people you need the most, alienate everyone because you feel inadequate (me).
I am not a man anymore, I am a fleshly lump who spends most of his time in bed or being a burden on my women who now has to work full time the rest of her life simply to keep me alive, she will die of exaustion before I die from anything else.
It eats at me every day and makes me say things I don't mean. I take long walks for hours in pain to get away from her, why? I don't want to get away from her, I want her right by myside telling me it's all going to be ok, why am I driving her away?
I'll say soemthing else,it may not be how your husband feels, but it is how I feel. I am a man, I need a woman to keeep me in-line. If I had to give you advice, I would say fight for your love.
Men often need to be told what to do, period!
My GF goes to another room now and watches TV while I moan in my room in bed going through every possible emotion, the darkest of thoughts, life insurance, big trucks speeding down the highway, a train rolling down the tracks, so quick. I bury these thoughts deep inside, I go to sleep, and I awake better.
Things may end, they may not, but depression is often times temporary in these situations. I always find a way back to her.
Yes, I have said awful things to her as well, "get out", "I'm leaving", I don't know why, I can't control how much I hate myself soemdays and that makes you believe there is now way anyone else could possibly benefit from being near you.
You have been with him for years, you know him inside and out. If you believe there is love, fight.
I can't speak for him, but in some ways I feel I can, imho he is wrong, he is hurting, he will come to his senses.
And btw, my gf used to be an amateur model when I met her, she has put on weight since then, pretty much again my fault, all her sitting around and taking care of me, eating crap food cause she is depressed over my pain. FYI, I don't care about the weight, I never will, she is hot inside and out, I will always want her.
I just wish I could get that out of my mouth more efficiently then some of the horrible things I say to her, she is a freaking saint.
It is almost like I am pushing her so she wil leave of her own accord so I can finaly say, "see, I told you all, I'm sick, just let me die, I don't deserve anything.
But I do, I deserve the best life I can cut out for myself, and while I have difficult relationship problems, her unwillingness to give up on me, even when I am spewing venom at her, is what keeeps me going.
I have never ever said these word to her before, I am a coward when it comes to apologizing. I let her read my posts, after which she tells me she has a much better understanding of me.
Does your husband belong to this support forum, he may well benefit from talking it out with us other guys.
I would never normaly get in the way of anyones relationship, we all know how that goes, but crohnies are differnet, this is no normal relationship. This is a test that goes on till the end of time. You are family
I would say, search your heart, do what is best for you, take your time, let him ahve his time, decide when to fight when not to, all off your instincts, gut feeling and years of knowing the man.
It is NOT YOU, it is NOT YOUR weight, it is the male ego.
I gotta believe this guy loves you and is equally depressed about being sick as he is for trying to get rid of you and desperatley may be looking for a way to right all his ships. I always believe in a positive outcome, or as positive as can be.
I wish I had a womans perspective on the emothional side of crohns, do women do these things? Do you yell at your man, do you push him away when your sick, do you feel like you don't deserve anything good or that no one should have to suffer though taking care of you?
Again, I can't tress enough how simply coming here, reading these forums has given me deep peace and mutual understanding of this disease and all its effects, from physical to emotional.
This forum has answered my questions, given me love, pointed me in the right direction, but most of all brings peace to my male ego tainted mind, reminding me that while I may say stupid things to the ones I love, I eventually come around and realize those same people are my true life, not the disease.
I prey my gf never takes me seriously enough to leave me, even though those words come out of my mouth.
Why is life so complicated?
I am with you miss, we all are.
Any chance you could somehow get your husband on the forums, not to talk with us or whatever he wants, but just so he can read through on his own, the therapy value here is greater then that I get from the hospital.
If he knew, that alot of us idiot men are doing the same things to the ones we love, he may come to the realization that it is not what he truly wants, just a temporary break in sanity.
I am sorry if I make assumptions and am giving bad advice, I guess I just believe in love and I believe that things are going to work out for you.
Don't lose faith and stay in touch, friends can carry you for miles and miles till you can walk again, I know I'm willing to offer my hands tp help lift your burden in whatever way I can, even if it is me telling you what an idiot male I can be.
Thanks
Jon