Proud to have Crohns

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and how Crohns has affected me in so many ways.. I'm a very independent, opinionated, confident woman and I realized that being forced to deal with Crohns at such a young age helped me become the woman that I am proud to be.

Before I was diagnosed (14 years old), I was the quiet, shy, bookworm, wanted to be accepted like all teens do, and as a result I made some less than ideal choices to achieve that shallow goal of being "popular." It wasn't until a few years into my disease that I began to take control of my own life and accept myself for who I was--and embrace that. years later, I look in the mirror, and I'm proud. I know that I can do anything that I put my mind to, no matter what the odds are. Everyday I find myself doing or saying something that surprises and impresses me because I never knew how strong and well-rounded I could be. Now, I'm not attributing all of it to my disease, but it certainly has played a heavy role.

I work as a waitress and also as a instructional assistant for special needs children at an elementary school. On Friday, the other two teachers were talking about how paranoid they are about all kinds of things they have absolutely no control over (earthquakes, drunk drivers, etc, etc..), and how it makes them sick to their stomachs just thinking about all the things that can go wrong. At this point I chimed in and said, "I never worry about any of those things.. I used to be really paranoid about everything until I realized that no good could come of worrying about something I have no control over. If you spend all your energy focused on the impossible, unpredictable things, then you have less energy to spend on the things that are realistic and possible. When you're able to prioritize those things, life becomes much easier all around."

I didn't know just how much I have adapted to survive and remain sane. lol.. I feel like I've come to a point in my life where I have stopped looking to others to inspire me and keep my head up, and instead have become a strong source of that inspiration and encouragement. I want to touch the lives of as many people as I can, reminding the world that no one is alone or helpless--you just have to look for your own path in whatever way, whatever place that may be.

So, I'm truly thankful for the hand I was dealt, and every tear I've cried in my darkest, most lonely places. And I'm very proud to have had so many years of struggling to help me find my potential and keep striving for better. On that note, please feel welcome to share any stories you have about how UC and Crohns have strengthened your own life!

Hi Grin and Bear It,
I think you are subscribing to the philosophy of "What doesn't kill us makes us Stronger." I think it's true that when we face any kind of adversity we learn that we have strengths or patience that we never knew we had before. For example I definitely am more assertive with doctors than I was before my disease, or maybe I can relate better to folks with chronic pain or chronic illness. I have to agree with artist guy though. I would never wish this disease on my worst enemy. Peace

I do understand what you're saying. Crohn's forced me to grow up fairly quickly and has made me more mature and appreciative. I am also more compassionate to others. But I'm not proud to have Crohn's, it scares me, even when I'm in remission I am terrified of having to go through the immense pain I have gone through, again. It has taken a while to stop being so paranoid about abscesses,fistulas and those horrendous wet to dry dressings happening again. Going through abscess drainage with very little anesthesia and sobbing in the bathroom because of fissures and skin tags hurting so badly I just wanted to die. I am definitely not thankful of having to go through so much so young. I was actually always questioning as to, why me? I now know that there are things you just can't control. It's known that experience usually comes from suffering, either from going broke, a lost love, an incurable disease, etc. But I'm glad you have found a postive side to all your pain and suffering. I do commend you on your positive attitude.

Wow. I apologize if my post was so offensive--clearly that was not the intention whatsoever.. Stripey is right in that I was not trying to say be happy you were cursed with a disease, or that everyone should be proud of it, not in the slightest. I simply was sharing my personal experience and, unsuccessfully, encouraging others obviously.

Everyone has their own problems and ways of dealing with those problems. I deal with mine by finding the good outcomes and perspectives so that I don't focus on the bad. Mainly because negativity takes a fierce hold on me when I allow it to and it's much harder for me to get out of the depression it puts me in than it is to consciously maintain a positive, preventative outlook.

I don't make a habit of trivializing the issues of others just because mine seem like the worst to me when I'm going through them: There is always someone who has gone through the same or worse and I believe we, as people, need to stick together and support one another if we want to live the happiest life possible.

Forgive me if my overly shiny way of seeing this world has offended anyone, but I am not going to apologize for finding beauty in the way it all falls together. You don't have to do the same thing, but I find it offensive to be put down for it. I'm actually kind of disappointed that a post with clearly innocent intentions can turn into a bit of a flame war on a forum specifically for support. There's more I'd like to say, but as it is not particularly anything nice, I think I'll keep it to myself.

It has robbed me but made me appreciative and tougher...I have overcome obstacles that have been awful but I am still here..I don't know my future which is probably the scariest of all..I wish I hadn't been sick during certain periods of my kids growing up and marriage..I have learned to fight through some dark times..I still have days this disease makes me weak and I have to postpone things..A couple blood plasma donations lead to low blood calcium the normal person would have bounced back from recently but I was willing to go along with my coworkers!!??..I have to plan my trips and pray this disease doesn't ruin my event! I have a hugh interview after my conference in Dallas in Oklahoma?? Am I going to be alright and on top of my game? Could I take a turn for the worse like in 2004-2006 and be a shadow of myself?? Could 2 months away in a training school for a good job be ruined by CD??? I am proud of my will but not because I have this dd..People deal with MS and all sorts of things that change their lives..I wish I hadn't gone through this journey but glad I am still here and functioning to some extent!
Cindy

Dear D and B. I want you to know I got this disease young, I was 19, but at the start of a jockey career, so I went from being a new young horse jockey, just starting to win races and wham!! I was hit with cd, bad. so a year later finally, after 3 major surgeries, and 8ft of small bowel gone, like I said. I was able to start up my career, total remission, for 17 more years I rode, in remission, until I had a spill and broke my jaw , that had to be wired, bad break, as well, 3 different places on my jaw. 2 months later total flare and I needed a resection of another 1ft. hence the 9ft, then I start getting weak and I could feel the difference in the strength in my legs while racing, and I new I was at peak performance, so once again it robbed me of my career, but my point to you, B and G, is I love your approach, I think it is great, but I've had 41 years of this, and I'm on ssdi because of cd. But keep up your approach to this disease and liife in general, because it is so good to have a positive approach to whatever you do. I'm and artist, and I have to be so positive in what I do, so, I'm really positive in my artistic abilities, and am so greatful that I was given this gift. but when it comes to cd, man I'm pissed, really pissed. I just want to be a normal human being, with normal things, Now I feel like I have a ball and chain that I take with me everywhere I go. So no hard feeling to you, I just hate cd

AG

Grin & Bear it:

I commend you for your attitude. I'm sure you weren't intending to offend anyone by your post. I'm also sure that you weren't trying to minimize the intense struggles that this disease has caused for many sufferers and their families. 

I'm not trying to paraphrase or speak for you. But I think I get the meaning of what you were intending. On a similar note, I think alot of people that are perhaps doing well with treatments are reluctant to post good news, as it may make others feel worse about some of their dire situations.

I'm sure your second post will clear up any confusion or your intent.

 

G&B, I understand your meaning and commend you also.
I have also experienced positive growth because of having this horrible disease, as have most of us, but when we're suffering a lot, we don't really care about that at the moment.
It appears that members are mostly offended about the word "proud" of having CD. But it also appears that other members understand your meaning too, so please take heart and don't be too disappointed by the mixed reactions.

Take care!

Grin, no body should have to be ashamed of this disease. I am incredibly glad you are not. This disease may not be pleasant and it may 'rob' you of certain life's pleasures. But that does not mean we need to hide under a rock because of it! I too am proud to have Crohn's, for it has helped me become a better and stronger person and will continue to do so throughout my life. Life is what you make of it.

I have a brother in law who was shot in the head when he was 19 while being mugged. He has severe handicaps because of it, he can't speak, he can't walk and is wheelchair bound, He uses a modified sign language to communicate, he has extreme involuntary movements, and everything has to be assisted. Just from that it doesn't sound like he has much of a qualify of life. But he does, despite his own debilitating condition he has decided to be proactive with it rather than wallow in self pity as some others would do. He never gives up. He is married, he paints beautifully, he works, he gardens, he plays with kids (he loves babies). He has been a tremendous example to me on how to never give up, to keep going, and to be proud of who you are no matter what.

We will never be given a test that we cannot handle, and I want to pass this one with flying colors and help others along the way to see their full potential and to never let anything hold them back.

Grin, you are amazing for what you have accomplished. I may not have had this disease as long as you or others, but I know that even if it gets tough, and I know it will, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite the bad things that happen in life, I would rather be in the light then lost in the darkness.

Well Grin, You Go GIRL!  To have that attitude about anything is a good thing.  Personally, I hate this DD and the problems it has caused.  The fact that you can find a way to spin it to a positive is a great sign.  You should print what you wrote and keep it around to give yourself a boost if you ever falter.  I know how bad I have felt surely makes me appreciate how good it feels to feel well. 

Grin & Bear It,

I totally hear what you are saying.  Yes, I wouldn't wish this DD on anyone and it has really put a dent in my life.  But I completly understand where you are coming from.  Before I got CD (I was 15 when diagnosed) I was a loner.  I was very shy, had very few friends and really kept to myself.  Because of the CD, I missed my last 2 years of High School.  I spent those lost days in bed watching TV every day.  And then it hit me.  I was watching all these shows about people living their lives and having fun, while I was in bed doing nothing.

Well, this inspired me to get up and not let the DD ruin my life.  I got home instruction, graduated on time and went to college.  Since I decided to go away, no one knew me and I was able to reinvent myself.  Yes I still had CD and it still bothered me but I was determined never ever again will it run my life.  Yes, I get flares.  Yes there are days I sit on the toilet all day.  I also have to admit that I don't have it as bad as some others.  I have never had surgery or lost any of my intestines.  I know that one day that might change though.

Over the years, especially during a flare, I am reminded how my life used to be.  CD made me a stronger man.  I was determined to live life to the fullest.  And then I met my father in law.  He had Colitis and had all his intestines removed.  Yet he was so full of life and never let his situation get him down.  He became a source of inspiration to me because that is how I want to be.  This past spring, he lost his battle with this DD and he was in and out of the hospital due to dehydration and other problems.  Even when he kind of knew he was in real bad shape, he always said he would walk out of the hospital.  Unfortunately he died of congestive heart failure due to his condition, but even in the face of death he stayed optimistic.  He will forever remind me to never give in to this horrible disgusting disease because the day you do, you have lost.

I know we have all seen dark days.  There have been a lot of times when we sit in the dark and cry.  I am sure that there are a number of us that have considered suicide over this disease.  But remember...we are all still here sharing and caring.  Without the DD, would you even have come to a website like this to help people?  I know I wouldn't have.  CD has made me a strong and confident man.  I hate that I have it, but I am happy that I got it.

well, I'm not sure I get it. To be proud of and happy to have this horrible disease, is something I don't understand, maybe there is something wrong with me. Because it has kept me from being the best that I could be, maybe some of you enjoy being sick and being in public doesn't bother you, well it bothers the hell out of me, but I'm speaking for only myself. of 41 years of constant worry that I could get an obstruction or a terrible gas blockage that puts me in fetil position until gas starts to pass or I can have bm. So maybe I'm screwed up.

AG

Grin, you have written everything i feel. I am proud to have crohn's disease. Of course my life is drastically different to what it 'should' have been BUT i am a better and stronger person for having crohn's disease. I will not become a bitter person continualy thinking of the 'what ifs'. I too have very severe disease, but every time i am hospitalised, i use it as a chance to educate people, including junior doctors about severe crohn's.

Sure i have bad days but i try my best to see the silver lining.