Sad post about Nanners and Ivy....

I just spent the last hour reading this thread.  I don't post very much but I do visit the Crohn's forum often.  I just don't know what to say...I am in tears at the things that have been said in response to the change in moderators.  Peter has great respect for his moderators.  Without them he could not make this site what it is.  He is one person, there is no team, crunching numbers.  Its him.  He started this site when he was in the depth of diagnosis.  To build a place where people could come and find answers, to ask questions, and find support when no one else understood (people like me, his wife).  He was not absent on purpose this weekend.  He was in bed.  Very sick.  Sicker than I have seen him in 15 years.  I was not very patient with him.  And now I see that none of us were.  I feel so bad that he has been reading all this while so sick and needing support himself.  I'm sure he might have felt like "taking a break" or finding another place to go, too. 

Wow, I'm just so shocked that his biggest support group, just jumped to conclusions and bailed.  I also have great respect for Nanners and Ivy.  I also know that Peter does what he can with healingwell in the time that he has given his other full time job, church services, wife, and 4 kids.  He makes decisions based on his gut.  He cares for his moderators and what they do for him.  He cares for their health and wellness.  He tries to sense when they might need change as well as the forum (even when they might not want to things to change).  Crohn's is one of the most active forums and therefore one of the most demanding. He knows that its a family.  He knows change is hard.  He hopes that people will understand, and understands, when they don't.  He has no idea I'm reading or posting about this.  I just could't sit there and not say anything.  I hope that Nanners will reconsider and continue to give support, I hope that others will remember that he is not a "professional exec"  only in it for the business, I hope that you can set anger and frustration aside, and allow forgiveness, healing, and support to come again to the surface.  I will support him.  I ask you to please support each other.  We would love to have you support each other in this place called healingwell.  Thanks for bearing with me, I think what you do for each other is amazing.  Lara Waite 

Dear all,

Please read my post on Sniper's thread.

Thanks, and love,

Ivy.

I was not going to say anymore, until I have seen some of the recent posts. First off Peter and Mrs. Waite, I know that Peter thought he was doing the right thing in removing Ivy and I as moderators as he thought we were becoming too stressed. Well WE WERE!!! WHY??? Because I have just found out that a troublemaker was sent to this forum from a disgruntled member to come onto the forums and create problems for the moderators and members here. I had members emailing me and tell me they suspected that, and I even suspected it myself. But had no concrete proof at the time, so I had to take a watch and see attitude. But this troublemaker really seemed to really want to get to ME most of all. I utilized the moderator forum asking all the mods for help with this person(s) as I was not getting any help from admin. So yes, we were very stressed out. They used phrases that many members could see right through as being targeted at me. I am a big hugger. Is there anything wrong with offering support to someone and sending a cyber hug??? Roni has a copy of the thread, so you two can read it if you like. And just heard last night that the truth was posted in an attacking email to one of our members. No sooner than Ivy and I are removed as moderators, then this troublemaker(s) suddenly disappears. Hmmm... What a coincedence, huh?. I even READ this disgruntled member who shares the same faith as you and Peter, they were going to tell Peter how terrible we were running his forums, and they knew Peter would listen to them because you shared the same faith. I told Peter this recently and he responded that that was just plain silly. And I do agree with Peter here on this one, because if Peter made his decisions for this forum based strictly on his personal religion, then why does he have a rule stating no posts of overtly political, religious or medical views allowed. I am paraphrasing here.

I am very sorry to hear Peter is ill. I myself am just coming out of a large flare myself . Even while just getting out of the hospital and hardly having any energy to even stand, I laid on my couch and came here to support these fine folk. Why, because I cared SO much about them. I know that Peter is sick, so why not have someone else to help him out and guide the moderators when they encounter problem members. All this stress would have never happened if we could have dealt with the troublemaker in a more timely manner.

I hope Peter doctors find the right treatment to get him feeling better. I hate to see anyone suffer with this dreadful disease. But I think that what was done to Ivy and I was not right, and I have to say so. As you can see here, I did nothing to hurt Peter or anyother member of this forum, I only tried to help his largest forum and membership thrive.

I loved these people very much and as you can see they loved Ivy and I too. And yes I could still stay here and give support, but the treatment I received to my dedication to HIS forums, was not handled in a very nice way and I won't lie, I AM HURT! Hugs to you both!

Post Edited (Nanners) : 12/6/2011 8:49:32 AM (GMT-7)

Thank You Nanners.  I wish we had someone else that could help him when he is not well.  I work as well, so I am not much help. I've only known him as impartial.  He does not make decisions based on political or religious views.  We have been married 20 years and he only does what he thinks is best for whatever reason. I did ask him a few years ago about moderator changes.  He told me that sometimes they ask to be released and other times he feels change is needed due to stress or illness, or to provide others an opportunity.  I don't know about emails he gets from members or moderators other than there are so many each day that it takes sometimes hours to get through them.  I'm sorry you are hurting.  I don't think I have any credibility here and so I know my opinion may not have much weight.  I just wanted to try and help bridge a gap.  The members of healingwell are important to me.  They provide something I can't, both to him and to each other.

I am sadden to hear about this, Nanners has given me love and support over the years, thank you so much Nanners, you have given me so much, more than you realize.

Vicki

I believe that reforms are needed in the way the Crohn's forum is moderated. There may be others who feel the same as I but we remain silent because feelings are hurt and there is no reason to appear unkind.

I do not understand why this thread continues to run because it is in violation of the rule against inflammatory posts.

I couldn't agree more Babe!!!!!

This whole thing has gone from a "family quarrel" to highschool drama!!!!! Maybe that's why some long time members are saying goodbye to this forum!

What's done is done and if it hasn't been changed back by now, chances are it won't be and even at that, it's not the end of the world for crying out loud....there are so many worse things going on in the world and this is what people here are upset about!!!! Everyone has REPEATEDLY expressed their anger and sadness on the topic, yes feelings were hurt, yes it could have been done better in ways BUT it wasn't, but all this continual harping about it won't change it for the better it just makes things worse.

One thing people here don't seem to realize is that this is suppose to be a forum for support! There are rules at this site as there are at all support forums and if people don't like the particular rules here, they can join other groups that are more lax as I have, I'm at other support forums including this one and they all have pros and cons and rules so knocking down this site at the same time saying that you like it here is an oxymoron. I've been at HW since 2004 and it's the same as it has always been, nothing has changed in my opinion, there are still rules and there are still loving and caring members.

If there weren't rules then you see nothing but negative, mean and fighting posts all over the place.

Many members are expressing their desire to end this thread.

Thanks everyone for your support, and I hope that peace will be restored here soon.

As Nanners would say,
Hugs!

I'm very suprised that Peter is allowing this thread to continue. I feel somewhat guilty even adding to it. 

I'm very surprised that some are saying goodbye to HW over this. I feel bad for these two ladies as I said earlier, but lets face it, they weren't abducted by aliens. 

They can still continue to be as valuable as they ever were. We should remain focussed on why we are here in the first place. The sadness some of us have experienced with this terrible disease for ourselves or loved ones is far more dire than the changing of a couple of voluntary positions.

I'm not trying to discount how vital both Nanners and Ivy are for a second. Even if they were wronged, it's time to accept it, learn from it and move forward. Leaving HW only hurts the people that come here for support and help.  

Maybe we should also remember that it's Christmas. I think forgiveness is a big part of the season.

Tom.

May I add my voice to those who have asked for things to calm down a bit, please?

Yes, there is some background here that Admin was unaware of. This is being discussed, calmly, AWAY from the forums. I don't believe there is any need to cast accusations at anybody until we are aware of the full picture, and with some calm discussion, the truth may emerge.

Truth can't emerge with this sort of furore. All that happens is that feelings get hurt, and none of us need that.

And, for the record, I wish people would stop speaking for me and how they imagine I'm feeling. I'm not twelve, and not throwing a tantrum about this, and I am ok. As I said earlier, the change in duties is not entirely unwelcome for me, because I was FED UP with this sort of drama. But yes, I agree that this could and should have been handled differently, and I am grateful to Peter for his acknowledgement (above) of this.

This is a really hard time of year for me, and what I want most is for my HW family to be here and happy and posting and supporting each other, and not being torn apart in this sort of acrimony.

For the people who are complaining about posts and points of view being suppressed, I would remind you that the moderators were simply following the forum rules. But your complaints have been heard, and the forum rules have been changed as of yesterday. Yes, the dreaded Rule 11 is gone, and now the only problematic topics are religious, political, or vulgar. It would seem that we all have a lot more freedom on what can and can't be discussed, so PLEASE, stop complaining about forum rules that have now been changed, and now just work within the current guidelines. Be glad that your views have been heard, and enjoy that new freedom!!

But please, peace, everybody. Yes, there are things that need to be discussed, but we don't get anywhere by being nasty.

Ivy.

ps. Peter emailed me and said I could rejoin the moderator team anytime I felt ready. It'll be a while, I think, if these sorts of arguments continue...

Huge hugs to you, Vicky. I can't say enough how much I have appreciated and admired you for your work as a peacemaker and a treasured support this year.

You are valued, and admired, and cherished.