Please don't leave Healingwell

Hi Friends,

 

I want to ask all members to please not leave Healingwell because of whats happened here and the mod changes.  That would make it even worse on me as I would be worrying for you and wondering if you were getting the support you needed for your disease.  I have read too many heartbreaking posts here from many members who have little to no support outside of Healingwell.    

 

I have been up since about 1 am this morning.  I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep because I was thinking about this kerfuffle and all the mess it has become.  I have had a small group of members and mods who have been messaging back and forth with me of late and offering me their support.  And some of their words have stuck in my head and got me really thinking.  I have heard them say alot “please don’t let this upset you too much, I worry what this will do to you with all you have been thru of late.”

 

So I decided to just take the last six months and look at “what I have been thru”.  And you know what, I have had a lot of stressful events hit me!  LOL   Here is just a few things that happened in my life this past 6 months.

 

1) They changed every single program to newer programs at work.  So what you could do in your sleep before, it now takes even longer to do it, because now you have to find it and the new system keeps crashing.  I have been at my job for 22 years, by the way, so change is hard for us old birds.

 

2) I just went thru the worst flare I have experienced in over 25ish or more years, and it kicked my butt.  And was so sick that I spent 2 ½ weeks in the hospital, lost 17 lbs, and couldn’t work for 4 months, and just returned to work a little over a month ago (to the new programs) still not 100%.  We seem to forget sometimes just how bad Crohns Disease can get.

 

3) My only daughter that lived close to me moved her and the only grandchild I have ever been able to be a grandmother to, two thousand miles away.  And they left while I was still in the hospital.

 

4.)  And here on Healingwell, so many of the mods have been REALLY sick of late and I felt that someone HAD to be here to greet new members and respond to posts.  So I really put a lot of stress on myself, trying to do it all, when no one person should/can do that.  

 

All these things happened over the summer months.  And the result of course is that I did get burned out, stressed and sick.  

 

I read a quote this morning that has really been one of those light bulb moments.  It said “When saying yes to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself”.  I think I have been doing that lately and I think its time for me to say yes to me.  So while I am going to step away for a bit, I think within in time I will be back.  Thank you all again for the love and support you have given me and will hopefully give me in the future.  You can email me, my email address is in my profile, or I am on Facebook too. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming .  Hugs all!  Gail*Nanners*

YOu rock mama!

Heya,

If Gail is ok with things and respectufully asks me to return to the forums, then I say fine.

Amends, by-gones, what have you.

What a huge heart and soul to come on here and ask the supporters who wanted to leave to instead show their support by honoring her past postition and continuing to do the amazing, often angelic work she has done and will hopefully return to do when she wants.

Thanks Gail, for being the bigger person, I knew you would, I just knew it.

I would be glad to honor your request by admitting that sometimes familys fight, but they are always family.  I am in awe by the incredible amount of passion everyone shows on this board, wether we agree/diagree.

Gail, maybe the only thing you need to be afraid of is Kryptonite and of course Lex Luthor :)

Thanks

Jon

 

Gail, one of the two most important things an instructor said when I was in college was, "You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. If there's a fire in the hospital, make sure you're safe first of all. A dead nurse can't help anyone." I can't tell you how many times I've said that to myself - in my case, it's more often "a nurse that's so stressed she's not rational can't help anyone."

Take care of yourself. You know how to reach me if I can help you.

Judy

Nanners!

Rest, take care and gather strength to come back!

Hug!

Nanners
Since all this happened nothing has been the same around here in this forum or with me.
I will be one of the ones leaving although I did just add to a post for Dragonfly because I really wanted to help her with the SSD stuff she is facing and I also wanted Sniper's friend to know that he has plenty of support and love going his way.

I intend to write a thread on the time I have spent here both as a lurker before I signed up and after. It will also include my impressions of these past few days. I guess you can consider it my goodbye letter but it is going to have to wait a few days. I will miss the stimulating posts back and forth with Crohnies like myself that are more science orientated having a science background. And I will also miss the wonderful folks that rooted for me when I was in such bad shape this year.

I wanted you to know that you have been a great help to me. Not just because you have cared and given hugs freely and with real meaning, but also because I was able to learn so much from you about my Crohn's. The fact that I also have stricturing and constipation and several other things in common with you, other conditions etc gave me comfort when I had a pain here or there. You gave me the confidence I needed to get through the ordeals of the last 6 months. Of course my boyfriend provided night and day tireless support when I was in the hospitals and recovering at home. But I would think "What would Nanners do?" I never did post the long account of my recovery or what happened while I was in the hospital for my long awaited resection. By the time it was all over I just never got around to it.

I know you don't want anyone to leave here, but I really don't see how some of us really have a choice. Even now if anyone has an opinion or wants to write about you or Sniper or the decision to remove you and Ivy, all these patronizing and condescending things get posted and we are all being made to feel worse by being told to 'move on' and that no one wants to hear about any of this anymore. There are a few people that are doing their best to bury this incident. Each time I read one of 'their' posts I get mad all over again. 10 people or so are ruining this place for all of us in my opinion.

Then there are a bunch of people that I have never seen in this forum before that have come out of the woodwork (oldtimers and mods from everywhere) to post even more remarks that "we should all move on", all of which pisses me off even more. You know who all these people are and I am sure they were emailed by someone to come into the forum and help those that are trying to either bury all these threads or again post what I consider to be rather nasty and patronizing comments. You and Ivy were so good as far as I am concerned with being able to smooth things out and tone down all the nastiness.

I also wanted to say that some of my remarks were misunderstood in some of the other threads. For instance, by sexism, I meant the sort of behavior expected of women by men - picking up the socks lying around, getting the coffee, caring for everyone when they are sick.. I've seen numerous male business managers delegating tons of extra work to the women under their charge simply because they know she will get it done.. on time.. and with all the bells and whistles. Women are naturally caring, maturnal, nurturing, and eager to please both at home and in business. Men who know this and know how to use these traits (which we can all be very proud of) are intentionally taking advantage of a good thing. That is why I have brought up the nature of Peter's "for profit" company and the fact that the mods work for free. I have only seen female mods, but there are probably some that are men but I don't know them. One day this website will be making a lot more money (perhaps it already is) and he should consider all the time and energy these wonderful people give for free now and perhaps compensate them in some fair way for helping him make this website something very special.

Gail, I will always remember how you helped me. I hope you continue to get better. I will always think of you.
NY VEGGIE

Happy birthday Gail's Hubby!!

Ivy I might not be able to get back to you till Saturday morning my time, but I will:) Hugs!

I'm staying this time..
Not all that sick, but I guess I do have an OBLIGATION to new members who are going through some of the same things I went thru in the past.
The support here in 2000 & 2004 meant the world to me!

Sincerely,
Matthew

I too have had nothing but support in my short time here, and I'm hoping that will continue to be the case. Considering we all share the same struggle I find it disheartening to see the way things have been going lately, it certainly wouldn't look good for new members coming here for support and guidance.

Gail, I appreciate your openness and honesty with your wishes for people not to leave. I went away from the site since this nonsense began and thought perhaps I would check in tonight to see what was going on.

I see the same people pulling the same stunts so don't believe that much has changed. I wanted to find somewhere where there was compassion, understanding and wisdom and while 90% of the people on here are like that there are those that make me clench my fists in rage at the things they say to others. We all know this disease sucks, it's not fun and it's nice to find supportive people you can talk to about it. My feeling is that this support has now become secondary and that makes me sad.

Too many changes (for the worse....) and too much bickering and disagreement. So thank you to all those members that assisted with me starting Imuran and answered my crazy questions. I am leaving because of a few, not because of you. My yoga teacher tells us every night, peace in your heart, peace in your home and peace throughout the world. I am trying to find my peace.

Thank you to all and happy holiday greetings from Canada!

K

I don't think any people battling Crohns are nasty (and I understand Ivy is not saying that, and she is clearly a treasure.) I see some strong people, frustrated people, and those who may have lost their way a little bit, but all are wonderful. We all have different approaches and reactions to dealing with this horrible affliction, and to all the crazy obstacles life throws our way. Some may initially respond by lashing out, some stew on things for a while and then explode, some try a little subtle manipulation for reasons of insecurity or even righteousness, some use avoidance, some roll with it no matter what, and then there's the many other ways of dealing with things, but in the end it's all part of the rich tapestry! We need the diversity. We need the freedom to express ourselves with all the lovely consequences that may follow.
All the best to all Crohnies everywhere whatever they may be doing.

I am not going away forever. Actually I will still post here and there. I am just backing away for a time to bring some peace back to my spirit, thats all. Yes there are a few problem people, but for the most part their are wonderful people here. Thats why I can't completely leave. There are folks here who have become like family to me, and I need to know they are okay. Plus as I said, I don't want anyone to lose HW as a support system, when they may be alone otherwise in the world. Thanks again for all your kind words to me. Hugs!