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Relationships and Crohn's=Very Complicated

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Posted 2/26/2012 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everybody! It's been a while since I posted on here. Since my last post not much has changed as far as the Crohn's disease. I am still flaring and waiting for financial assistance for the biologicals. I am still in a custody battle and really stressed out. However, I have met a wonderful man that truly seems to care about me. I am extremely scared to open my heart completely to him because I have been left so many times by different men who were unable to deal with me being sick. I had told myself that I would not get into a relationship for fear of being hurt, but I am falling for this man and I really want things to work out. My question to y'all is, how do you make a relationship work when you are so sick? Relationships are hard enough without having to deal with Crohn's. I am having the most difficulty with being intimate. He has been really understanding, but I do not want him to feel like I am not interested. He says he can deal with it, but I am so afraid that it will get old and he won't want to deal with it anymore. We do get along very well and conversation comes easy. How do I keep the spice in the relationship when I don't feel good. He has been here for me and I want to make him as happy as I can. I could really use any advise y'all could offer on this topic. I am 32 years old and don't want to go through life alone. Thanks in advance for any responses!
Posted 2/26/2012 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
There really are people out there who can deal very well with a sick significant other. I understand how very nerve-wracking it is to open up to somebody, especially with this disease. One thing you should always ALWAYS remember, is that it gets better!!!!!!!!!!! Remission is possible, and while you are currently in the midst of a horrible flare (gauging from your previous posts), with the right medication, diet, karma, whatever, you can achieve remission, and then you will once again feel like a normal person.

I would say, just make sure to explain how the disease effects you, as well as what he can expect with the course of your individual disease. Knowledge, to be utterly cliche, is power. He cannot make lasting decisions without information.

Remember that many, many people on this thread as well as around the world have meaningful, lasting relationships with loving partners. It is possible! Just trust your judgement :)
Posted 2/26/2012 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
This is not easy even in a long term relationship..I went into a few years of severe cd when I was 33..Intimacy issues, activities, and financial issues from my cd caused a real problem in my marriage. I would not have tackled it in the dating scene unless I had someone in the same boat who could understand. My husband wanted a normal running buddy, when I was lucky to get off the couch, bed, and to a job to help support the household..I did not want to live my life alone either..Things got better when I got better..My looks went from underweight and pale to overweight with a moon face with the predisone, which then I suffered with a body image issue..dd..I hope your relationship continues to blossom..open communication and taking advantage of the times you do feel good can the difference!
Cindy
Posted 2/26/2012 8:23 PM (GMT 0)
CandC, I don't think anyone else can tell you the right thing to do for YOU. Sorry that CD has caused you problems with your love life. That's so unfair on top of being sick. I am a good bit older than you and met my hubby when I was in my late 40's. It wasn't long after that when I got sick, like two years. My GI problems cancelled a lot of plans, spoiled times but you know, it was mostly for me. I think if you are married to a person with overly high expectations, wants and needs, like a real needy person, it might be difficult. My husband married me for me and is a very mature person. He is a soul mate and a friend. He dealt with some health issues in his life so he understands. Maybe that's the key along with true love.
I think this disease would be so hard on a younger person. It's bad enough when you are in your late 50's.
You are young and if the person you are with is superficial and immature, it won't work. I think there is a lot of hope but you have to find the right person. You won't know unless you give it a chance and open your heart when you are ready. If he really is the right one, he'll wait and be patient with you. Good luck!!!!!! You deserve to have someone if that's what you want and it sounds like he'll be a very lucky guy.
Posted 3/3/2012 7:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hello my husband has crohns and yes im not going to lie it is hard to deal with.. We have been together for 10 yrs and he has had crohns for over 20. There is nothing u can do to make him accept or b ok with it. He will have to do that all on his own. There are times when it interferes w our lives but there is so much more to him that it is worth it. I have felt like before that he doesn't want sex because he always says he doesn't feel good. I have gotten irritated then realize that now he doesn't feel good AND he feels bad for hurting me. We do a lot of holding each other ha ha. You are going to have cancelled plans, spend lots of time in the bathroom, buy lots of air fresher, b very open about personal issues and be irritable on certain meds and relationships may not work because of it, but if it's the right person for u he will think the good out weighs the bad! It isn't easy but I would never leave him because he was sick... U will find someone that feels the same!
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