Feeling iffy about having kids...

I understand the desire to parent and the need to have someone who is yours to love and to know that you'll be loved in return

I love my daughter with all my heart but I do not wish any of my medical conditions on her and had I known of any of them prior to becoming pregnant, I think I can say in all honesty that I would not knowingly have become pregnant

Had I become pregnant out of the blue, which is what happened to me and I knew of all my different ailments, then no, I would not have ended my pregnancy but I would be very concerned about what I potentially had passed onto her

I feel guilty knowing that I could cause her pain not because I may not be able to participate fully in her life

I still believe that for anyone who is desperate for a child and they have genetic conditions, they really need to consider the unborn child's future

Is it fair to pass faulty gene's onto an innocent child - why not adopt - if you believe that you can raise the child and you have the support system in place for when you physically cannot be involved, then by all means, raise a child but does it have to be biologically yours - all children are blessings from God, it doesn't matter if they came out of your body or someone else's but they might stand a better chance if they didn't have potential health issues already staring them in the face from the moment of conception

I say this as a Catholic who does not believe in abortion but I also do not believe in pressing my luck either

Well you just blew my theory about adoption right out of the window

I'm sorry that your memories are what the are and that is my fear for my daughter

I am glad that you have shown the other side of the struggle

My feelings are ñot the only ones involved and not all children are easily adaptable to constant change and stress

My daughter already tells me that she doesn't want what I have and asks is she going to get it

She does however enjoy the attention she gets from the nurses when I've been in hospital

My grandmother had disabling rheumatoid arthritis and died a month before I was born. My mother had ulcerative colitis and was told at the time that if she wanted kids she had to have them right away (for her it was age 26). her first pregnancy actually went pretty well since she was off meds (also told she couldn't be on any while pregnant - I know that seems to have changed). When my mom was pregnant with me - her second child - she had really bad flares and was hospitalized for two months immediately after I was born. She ended up deciding that an ostomy surgery was the best way to go. Obviously that changed her life/lifestyle but she seemed generally okay with it.
She was later diagnosed with a benign brain tumour (the size of a baseball) and had brain surgery to remove it on my first day of grade eight. She had double vision, hearing loss and balance issues. It took months for her to learn how to walk again, and the medication she was on had terrible side effects. But she managed (and so did the family). Then she later found out she had ovarian cancer and needed a hysterectomy and then chemo.
Apparently the chemo stopped the brain tumour from growing again (they didn't quite get it all out the first time) so once off chemo it started back up again. She needed radiation for that...
Then when she started having pain again in the rest of her body - her doc told her she was lactose intolerant - then that she had arthritis...ONLY then, did they check for cancer...and yes, it was cancer again.
My mother died a week after I graduated high school, after I had been taking care of her for 3 years after my dad left. (He left in a brief time of wellness - not when she was sick).
I was grieving of course, but honestly - as my mother's main care provider throughout my high school life, with a constant up and down of her health - I also felt relieved when she died, that I wouldn't have to watch her die anymore and that I wouldn't live with the constant fear of 'what's next'. There was always something next.
Now ten years later - I miss her TERRIBLY. I was too young to process most of what she was going through at the time so I never really understood or know to ask questions. I can't imagine what she went through, although now I am beginning to relate to what she must have been going through.
I was only diagnosed with Crohn's last month - and while I was waiting for results to test after test, the possibilities of cancer or colitis or whatever else...the one that scared me the most was the colitis (I didn't know anything about Crohn's) because it is chronic, it can severely impact your lifestyle, relationship etc etc etc...with cancer you don't have to live with it forever because it either kills you or you get better. Now I didn't go through my mom's hell but I watched it.
I never really thought I wanted kids but as soon as you think it's not an option - all kinds of crazy things happen in your head. And I think my husband might be leaning more towards the idea these days.
Now I can say that as someone who grew up with a sick mother, and someone who's since been diagnosed, that I wouldn't give up my life for anything. I'm glad to be here, I just wish I had more time with mom, especially as an adult. And now, especially knowing I could have had someone who would have helpful advice due to her own experiences with this disease. It definitely isn't her fault. I do not blame her. (the world on the other hand...haha)
She was someone who would never have given up - and I don't think she would ever have said not to have kids. I was told my whole life by doctors that my mother's conditions weren't hereditary and now here I am - hopefully I'll only get one of the many.
So I will definitely get my situation under control before I even think about having kids - but I have a brother who doesn't have Crohn's, or any other major health problems that we know of, and we can't prevent most cancers and accidents and everything so really if it's not this it will be something else. (and i didn't mean that to sound so negative).

Sorry this was so long...sometimes I rant.

It can be hard! My disease started shortly after I had our son. Like by a few months. So I had no idea what was going on with me. I was always so tired, in the bathroom with D all the time. I managed though. Now if I had to work on top of it, I don't think I could have done that. lol I did work for a few years, but that was when my son was already in school. And even then I got too sick to work only 3 years in. Thankfully my husband is always a very good Daddy. He helped out a lot with late nights, diaper changes, and giving Mommy nap times.

We only had the one child. None of my doctors told me they'd touch me if ever got pregnant. That I'd need a good high risk doctor. Not only do I have Crohn's, but high blood pressure, and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So I'm a mess. We consider our son to be our miracle baby.

You have to do what is best for you. I'd talk with your doctors. Talk with your soon to be husband, and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you both. Even though it was hard (my son's 13 now), I don't regret it in the least. He's one of the best things I ever did in my life.