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Boyfriend's family is really evil

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 12/10/2013 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
I was recently in the hospital for two months due to Crohn's. I ended up having a bowel resection. This has caused financial difficulties and problems in my relationship with my boyfriend, whom I have been with for nearly two years.

His grandmother, who I believed to be a good Christian woman, told him last night that if we have children, chances are they'd be sick and he'd have to take care of them.

I was shocked. I've never heard anyone say something so twisted and messed up. I would hate to marry into this family.
Posted 12/10/2013 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
Were they really saying in it in a mean way? Or did they maybe want him to realize, hey grow up, accept things happen and you have responsibilities, and if you can't you are not ready. Maybe she was meaning to look out for both of you???
Posted 12/10/2013 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Unfortunately, it was during a discussion about why he should consider leaving me.
Posted 12/10/2013 2:39 AM (GMT 0)
if he really loves you your disease shouldn't be a problem(it should be a factor but not a problem). if i loved someone enough i wouldn't care what kind of medical issues that person had. even if it wasn't said in a mean way thats a very inconsiderate thing to say. you should really talk to her(saying something like that isn't christian like at all, i don't care who they are it's not right). first of all why would a grandmother even say something like that about possible future great-grandchildren? family should support on another not try and break up a relationship. good luck and hope you can sort though all this stuff, it isn't easy.
Posted 12/10/2013 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
If your boyfriend can't or doesn't want to be supportive to you in sickness and in health then he isn't worth it. The grandmother may be rude, but your boyfriend sounds like the problem!
Posted 12/10/2013 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
Your children will get sick. They all do. It has nothing to do with your disease. Your spouse will have to take care of them. They'll be his children too!

There probably are additional considerations when your partner has a chronic illness. You should have these conversations before you get married. I'm not sure if Grandma gets a say or not though.

Trust me, it is horribly difficult to go through a rough patch with your health with an unsupportive spouse. Some people say 'in sickness and health' without thinking what it really means to them. We tend to think we'll be the ones being taken care of, and not to think about having to be a caretaker.
Posted 12/10/2013 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry you had to hear about this conversation. Grandma might have been well meaning, but she doesn't know squat about how sick your future kids might be or not. Your feelings should have been better protected here, did your boyfriend share this with you?
Posted 12/10/2013 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
That's terrible cyborg, I'm sorry you have gone through this. Just remember that some people are clueless in general, and definitely very mean spirited, thankfully not everyone is...surround yourself with the best people you can find, negative people will only bring you down.
Posted 12/11/2013 3:01 AM (GMT 0)
...told him last night that if we have children, chances are they'd be sick and he'd have to take care of them.

Chances are they won't be sick. Crohn's is not passed on in nearly so straightforward a fashion as that. Yes, the risk of your future children developing Crohn's is raised, but the probability of them not getting Crohn's is still far higher. Basically even a 10x increase of a miniscule risk still amounts to a very small risk overall.

But even if your boyfriend's grandmother's worst fears were realised, most people don't develop Crohn's until their late teens or early adulthood, by which point the financial burden of the disease will probably lie with your children rather than you. Also, they could have a mild variant and never need surgery.

In a nutshell, I think your last sentence is spot on and I would go with your gut instinct: this does not sound like a nice family to be a part of if you are sick. I hope you find a nicer, kinder family than them.
Posted 12/11/2013 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
It was really mean of her to say that. Instead of being supportive (you need it the most right now) she stabs you in your back.

Nobody knows if your children will stay healthy or get sick. Anything could or could not happen.

I hope you get better soon.
Posted 12/11/2013 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
Toxic people are worse than the drugs everyone has to take. Can't get rid of the drugs... get rid of the toxic people.

If your boyfriend doesn't recognize this, do yourself the favor and long term health and find someone new. Anyone in his family had cancer? Should that prevent you from having kids with him? Oy... toxic people can really piss me off. Give me this grandma's number, I tell her a thing or two!
Posted 12/11/2013 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
What a mean thing to say. How did yoh find out about this conversation? And what does your boyfriend think?
Posted 12/21/2013 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your kind replies. They give me strength. My boyfriend told me what his grandma said. We were having an argument and he told me what she said. A few days later I asked him why he would tell me that, and he defended it by saying "You asked to know what she said to me." He continues to defend what was said, and I honestly don't get it. He later said he told me out of anger, meaning I believe he knew it would hurt me. It's still hurtful.
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