body image issues/eating disorder brought on from crohns

Just wondering if I'm the only one struggling so much with this!
I had a ongoing flare from september of 2011 until thanksgiving weekend of 2012 when I was finally diagnosed. A month later I developed an intestinal obstruction and a month after that, I received emergency surgery.
Before my symptoms began, I weighed 90 pounds (15 years old). During the flare I dropped down to 84 pounds. After my surgery, I left the hospital weighing 80 pounds and looking horrible (only skin and bones because all the fat on my body had disappeared from not eating for three weeks in the hospital).
I slowly gained back the weight I had lost.
I remember one day around March 2012, I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was SO happy with how my body looked. It looked absolutely perfect. I had the dream body. Flat stomach, nice legs, perfectly thin arms, it was incredible. But I realized that I couldn't keep this body because I hadn't reached my original weight again.
I started gaining the weight back and reached 105 pounds in June of 2013. And I was absolutely disgusted with myself - how could I have let myself gain so much weight?
I long to see the number 80 on the scale again... I know that the only reason the scale said 80 was because I was sick, but I just wish I saw a small number again.
I used to eat probably 100-200 calories a day because it was too painful, and now I'm eating 1000 calories a day (which is still below the amount I need) and I feel like I'm overeating so much (when in reality, I'm not.)
I just can't get all these horrible thoughts out of my head. I want to be skinny again. I want to not need food as much as I do now. I want to be 80 pounds.
I can't get over this obsession I have with my body and my weight and food.
Help please

I know teenagers can be skinny, but 80lb is still going to be ridiculously underweight: I highly doubt you are in any way "fat" at 105lb, so there's some body image distortion going on there.

I went through something similar when I inadvertently lost a lot of weight with Crohn's and still find it uncomfortable to talk about. But I can say that the only way to get over your obsession with food is to eat a lot more than what you are currently doing. Yes, you will probably put on even more weight. No, I cannot promise you that you will love your heavier body (sadly). But you will be miles healthier and you will stop obsessing about food eventually.

This site isn't about Crohn's, but it helped me to eat normally again: www.youreatopia.com/

Best of luck.

CA- please, please don't try to handle this on your own. You need perspective and support- preferably both from a professional and friends/family members. It might be a good idea to find a dietitian and a counselor. I also feel like this is a much bigger deal for you because you're 15, and your body is still growing/developing - there can be longterm consequences for your bone density and muscle mass.

To answer your question- I think body image issues are probably incredibly common in Crohn's patients (especially women) and that healthcare providers should be clued into this and make an effort to address it. One day, when I'm done with my dissertation, I want to publish a paper on this.

There's all the weirdness with weight-I'm on the thin side personally, 5'5ish and 132 lbs at my absolute heaviest, usually closer to 115. When I reacted badly to 6MP I dropped to 106, and felt skeletal. Then, there's the way my skin and hair look when I'm sick, thanks to being malnourished. And my nails! 6MP absolutely destroyed my nails- they were so bad I couldn't paint them anymore, and that's the one thing I could always count on to make me feel prettier. Between the disease itself and medication side effects your body can go through so many changes it's hard to feel good about it, or even trust it.