Disappointment to loved ones?

Does anyone else live with a lot of guilt because they don't feel like they can give their best selves to their friends and family? I always feel like I'm disappointing someone because I feel unwell a lot. I don't have the energy I did before and I hate that I can't (or don't) participate in a lot of things because of the CD. Sometimes I feel like such a burden. Anyway, just venting...blessings to all!

I used to feel guilty, but there is no reason to if you do the best you can. Sometimes you may not feel up to something, it doesn't mean you are a bad person or you are letting anyone down. You living with a chronic illness and doing the best you can, if others feel like you are letting them down pray they don't have to walk a mile in your shoes.

I am finding myself getting worse after a few months of being not too bad, and I have thought about what I did wrong when I was really ill last year and i decided that feeling guilty and embarrassed were the thing I have to do differently this time. I don't need to convince others how I am and I don't have to feel guilty about it. since I still don't even know for sure what is wrong, it causes lots of people to ask lots and give too much advice. I am just not going there this time. I push myself to be a great friend, wife, and mom, and if that isn't enough I just refuse to feel bad about it....THAT is my goal! yp

Everyone is really supportive of me, but I always feel guilty that I can't take that job, or work more or do something to make my family and I more comfortable. It is a struggle and there seems to be little I can do about it. My current job, while terrific, pays low but has very flexible hours and I have loads of sick and vacation time. Just what someone like me needs. But like I said, the pay is low.

Marci give yourself some time. You have only recently been diagnosed and it is going to take time for you to grieve your old life and figure out what this new reality is going to mean. Yes there will be times when you are not going to feel 100 per cent, but if you've ever heard of the term, "each as they are able" it gives you a sense of where I'm coming from. Instead of looking at all you can't do or can't do at the same level you have always taken for granted, perhaps you can work on internalizing the measure of how you are contributing. Factor first all the energy just being sick consumes and then re-evaluate how much you still do. It is a miracle that many of us can get up and leave the house, given how miserable we feel. We perform despite dealing with symptoms that would have our healthy contemporaries moaning in bed, calling in sick and generally expecting the world to stop until they felt better. The only difference is that for many of us there is no feeling better so we adjust to our new realities.

Statistically, we crohnnies take less unjustified sick time than our healthy cohorts, we continue to contribute in many ways, despite our challenges. I think of my former workplace environment, where staff could take up to 18 days a year in sick time. My healthy co-workers considered that their right. It never ceased to amaze me when one or another called in sick for "a personal" day. In the 25 years I worked, I never took a sick day unless I couldn't physically get up, yet i often felt like you -- worried that i wasn't pulling my fair share or that I was one flare away from not being able to meet my obligations. In my last position we could roll over a certain number of our unused sick days each year. I was there for three years and when I had to go on disability while awaiting surgery -- I had enough sick days that I continued to be fully paid all the way through the six week waiting period for benefits to kick in. I wonder if I had used some of those sick days instead of hoarding them if I might not have had such a hard time when I did finally have to give in.

I'm looking at all this from a very different perspective now and I realize that "less than perfect" is still "good enough". It's the first time in 30 years that I'm actually accepting help from my husband and family. I'm finally let them in on my realities rather than trying to hide my symptoms. They are relieved and I've had to realize that I didn't do them any favours all those years I tried to be strong and hold it together myself. I was doing them a disservice along with myself.

So go slow and give yourself a break.

I feel guilty because I don't usually go to gatherings, especially after work.  Getting through the day is just all I can do, in addition to squeezing in shopping errands.

Then, I always have monday off and I have spent most of them lately in the doctor's office.  So, if I have free time, I want to be free and at home where there is no worry about a bathroom.

But, I know they think I blow everything off, but for them it's a couple hours out.  For me, its a morning in the bathroom just to attend this "small event".

I can usually get to work okay, but a trip, an event, an appointment, here comes the trots and it's all I can do to get out the door in time, then suffer with "urge" while I'm out.

Hi Marci I think it is a part of having IBD that there are times when we get run down or have pain and no matter what kind of sickness a person has there are going to be feelings with it. The most important thing is you have a place in life and there are days when things do go good for us. We all have our lows in life and thank goodness we have each other here to help us threw every day of our lives good or bad. One thing about Hw is that a person doesn't have to worry about pushing ourseves. Don't let what you think you should do get you down. You know what you can and cain't do. Don't punish yourself emotionally. lol gail

Dear Marci,
You are not alone in feeling the way you do. I've just turned 50 and have had CD for 30 years and some. I am just now beginning to accept my limitiations ( I also have been struggling with MS for the past 4 years). My "function" in society would be minimal by what contributing to a community standard might be. .....but I've come to realize that my "contribution" to people is at a much more personal and individual level.
I have had friends whom I've been fortunate to know for years. One such friend told me not too long ago, when I was going thru a particularly difficut stretch....but still managed to get out on my scooter, smile and genuinely be happy to see people....ask how neighbors are doing etc....not much by my standard but according to her, it was a lesson for her everytime she saw me.....on how to appreciate life, how to persevere, how to be happy "in spite" of circumstances." She thanked me for everything I had taught her over the years....it blew me away,
because I'd always felt like such a failure to my community and family. I've overheard my daughters speaking to their friends about me also. I guess plugging along, and trying to make the best of things, finding the good in an otherwise rotten day , has impressed them as well. I take great pride in the fact that my tired old smile has made someone else's day better.....and that my stubborn approach to living has taught my neighbors, friends and family how to be grateful and that gratefullness multiplies all the good in your life.ten fold.
I sound like an old preacher. looking back at my own life and the people that have influenced or impressed me the most....I realize weren't the high powered high-achievers but simple people with various difficuties in their lives that demonstrated a quiet strength, faith and "joie de vivre".
So now I try not to waste unnecessary energy on feeling bad....although that is a decision I consciously have to make everyday. ....I think you are having more of a positive impact on your family WITH this disease than perhaps without it.

To be honest and this is terrible, I use my it as an excuse to avoid people that I rather just not be around. Ha.. so there's an upside.