Prepared or not to tell people of your CD?

I know this has been discussed over and over again but I just needed somewhere to go vent.

I'm really not prepared for everyone who remotely knows me to know about my Crohn's Disease.  I believe health issues are probably THE most personal and private issue a human deals with and I just don't think it should be everyone's business that I have this illness.  I get tired of hearing people discuss OTHER people's ailments within my office - unless the person with the ailment is actually a part of the conversation and is OK with it.

I work in a cubicle environment.  There's only about 15 people in my department but there are 100 people in my building and I know a lot of them.   

Although I've known about my CD for years, many people in my building would never even know I've been sick because they aren't close enough to my department or aren't in contact with me on a regular basis to know when I've been out of the office.

Today, a woman from another department really caught me off guard.  She came up to me in my cubicle/office, while someone was already in there with me and asked, "Girl, you have lost so much weight!  I didn't even recognize you!  You've got to tell me how you lost it!"

Now, if she'd asked me ANYWHERE else other than in the office, out in the open where everyone in my department or anyone walking by could hear, I'd have told her the truth.  But instead, she asked me in a very public arena so my answer was simply, "Oh, just cutting back on what I eat."  Which is kinda true!

But she wouldn't let up.  "But I mean, you lost it quickly!  You look amazing.  I thought you were someone's teenage kid walking down the hall earlier!  How much have you lost?" 

So I just said, "Oh, well thank you...I don't know. I've probably lost 20-30 pounds."  (I've actually dropped 40 since January).  But the other girl that was in my cubicle at the time (who knew I was lying because she knows about my Crohn's) distracted the other woman so she didn't hear my answer so she had to ask again: "So seriously - how much weight have you lost??  You just look so good."

And it's weird, too, because I was at a kid's birthday party last week and the same thing happened with a woman I do not work with and rarely see.  She simply said she'd noticed I'd lost weight and wondered how I did it.  Without hesitation, I said, "Oh, you wouldn't want to lose weight the way I did...I have an intestinal disease called Crohn's so I've been pretty sick this year and have dropped a lot of weight because of that."  She was then very apologetic, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that" and I then felt bad, like I'd made her uncomfortable.  But somehow, it was very freeing JUST to be honest about it.

Anyway...that's my story today.  I guess I'm sort of getting to a point where I can answer the questions like that which come up from time to time, whether that's to be honest about my Crohn's or not.  I'm guessing I'll eventually get to a point where I'll just be honest with everyone about it. I mean, it IS a part of what makes me, me. 

Its just in my office that it bothers me for people to know - although, the truth is that probably a couple of the people I told about it have ended up gossiping to others about it. So more people probably know about my Crohn's than I'm aware of.  Which is why I hate divulging private info to ANYONE because EVERYONE has that gossip tendency - even if they've been told to keep an issue private.

Of course, when I gained weight (close to 50 lbs) after my initial diagnosis, NO ONE asked me how I'd GAINED so much weight!  I wanted to tell the world that it was because of medication, my body's molecular reaction to having LOST so much weight when I was sick to begin with (the body says, "Store more fat in case she gets sick again!") AND because I was finally FEELING GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT-EAT-EAT!!!   But instead I felt like everyone was judging me due to my weight gain, thinking I'd just slacked off and started eating a bunch of junk.

It's so silly.  I have days when I just want everyone in my office to have knowledge of my Crohn's.  Then other days I really only want those people who are closest to me to know.  What's the purpose of people who I'm not close to knowing about a very private issue I'm dealing with?  Particularly one as socially-awkward as Crohn's!  But then again, what's the purpose of lying to people and leaving them in the dark about a disease that really SHOULD be talked about?!?!

It's such a struggle...

Ahhh...you guys are great!

Nanners, you bring up a good point about "sick leave".  That's one reason I teeter on the side of going ahead and telling people in my office about my Crohn's so they'll understand WHY I've been out of the office so much.  But at the same time, I feel like there are SOME people (yal know the kind!) who, even if they DID know of my Crohn's, would still question why I'm out of the office on sick leave so often.  Those are the people who can't possibly wrap their brain around the symptoms of this disease unless they had it themselves.  

I guess that's where I need to try and take ACOCCC's advice and learn just not to give a crap about what people think!  Who cares if some people think I've taken too much sick leave!  If I've got it, I can take it!

Lady G, that's what I've been doing, too.  Picking & choosing who I tell.  So far, it has depended on who is asking, what exactly they are asking and where they are asking me!  Gossip makes me crazy.  I know I slip and do it sometimes myself, but quite honestly I'm very aware of talking about other people's business with "non-related" people.  If someone who I know is just a nosy-body comes to me and asks "Where's so-and-so today?".  If I know that person is out sick, I'll usually just say, "I don't know" or something more sarcastic like, "Well, they aren't at work so they must be somewhere else."  It floors me how nosy some people are.  Of course, most people probably wouldn't care if I just said, "Oh, she's out sick today" but see with me, I DO NOT want people to say that.  If one of the Gossip Girls come around asking about me, my friends in my office know to tell them, "I don't know...you'll have to ask her yourself when you get back." 

pb4 - you're exactly right.  That's the best way for me to look at it - a compliment.  And I really did know she was trying to compliment me.  It was just that she was being so LOUD about it and kept ON asking questions.  My saying that I'd just cut back on my food intake wasn't good enough for  her.  My Mom said to me today, "Why didn't you just tell her you'd been having some stomach problems?" but with a woman like this there's always a follow up question like:  "Oh really?  What kind of stomach problems?"  Some people just don't know how to DROP a subject after they get an answer to their initial question!  My mom hasn't been in the workforce in a long time...I don't think she's ever really experienced the "office gossips".

mtbcubs...it is SO much less stressful to be honest...that's true. I think as I get older I start to care less about people knowing about my Crohn's and maybe that'll eventually make me be more honest when people ask questions in which the ultimate answer is, "I have Crohn's Disease".  I really do want to get to that point where it's not a big deal TO ME for "whoever" to know about it.

karendee - that's so ironic that you work in the HR department.  So you know what everyone else is going through with their medical leave and will know how to deal with it if you ever need it yourself (hope you don't!).  What's ironic, too, is that the woman who I was talking about ALSO works in that HR area of MY business!  I feel like you do, too, sometimes...when I'm tired and dragging with dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion from the Crohn's symptoms...it's those times I often wish everyone who saw me during the day knew about my Crohn's...because when I look like crap, lots of people will say, "ooh, you look like you don't feel good..do you have a cold/flu?" "What did the doctor say?" "Don't get near me if you're contagious!"

may lady - man!  You really organized those thoughts well!  LOL on the "medical advice".  I once had someone tell me I needed to go see a PSYCHIATRIST!  I've also had the "why don't you just go to the doctor?" question - and that was from someone who I've told details about my Crohn's to.  "Uh, yeah - duh!  Why didn't I think of that!"  People who have never dealt with Crohn's or any chronic illness like it, just completely DON'T GET IT.  Loved your explaination of the disease, too.  I might have to use that "Flu + Food Poisoning" description next time.

bektold - good luck with your beach trip!  There are certain people, I too, NEVER want them to know of my Crohn's.  There are some true friends who haven't been supportive of me (well, not really true friends anymore).  But there are "acquaintances" that are so NON-understanding and well, EVIL, that I wouldn't in a million years tell them about my Crohn's.  Of course, I've never had anyone offer to give me a rectal other than my GI!  What a weird, obnoxious comment she made!

gumby - yes, sometimes there might be someone that I wouldn't mind knowing about my Crohn's, but it just takes so much ENERGY to explain things, doesn't it??  Like there's one woman in my office who I wouldn't mind knowing about my Crohn's.  She's seen me on days when I've been sick.  For example, one day I was hobbling to the printer because both my feet were so swollen from my flare that I could barely walk.  She saw me and asked if I was OK.  I said yes and left it at that.  I could have told her about my Crohn's and how that can cause inflammation throughout the body and that's why my ankles were swollen but I just didn't have the energy to do that!  Even the people who've known for as long as I have about my Crohn's can't comprehend my feet swelling.  "I thought Crohn's was a intestinal problem?"  Nope - no  such luck.

I can see pros and cons on both sides of telling people and not telling people.  The only reason I sometimes feel GUILTY for NOT telling people is that I can't help but wonder if maybe I'm often running into people who know people in their family who are suffering from some "unknown" intestinal health problem.  I mean, it took over a year for my doctors to diagnose me.  Crohn's wasn't even a thought in their brains in the beginning.  And I think a lot of people who have been Dx with IBS are actually suffering from Crohn's and don't know it.  Maybe my story could help someone else...I don't know...

Thanks for the support you guys.  Hearing your stories help me build on how I'll handle the next time someone asks me about my weight or my health.