acceptance

Do you ever accept the fact that you have chrons?

Right now i feel like im just going to be mad about it for the rest of my life.

It's so frustrating because i have no one to be mad at. I have no one i can blame and i feel like there is no one to talk to.

I can talk to my friends and family but they dont really understand.

When i'm having good days i feel like i've accepted it but the minute i start to have a bad day it all goes down hill.

I could rant about this all day but it wouldnt do any good.

thank you for listening.

I can't speak for everyone, but I know I get quite angry when I'm not feeling well. I just remind myself that it could always be worse. As long as I wake up each morning, I consider that good enough.

It's kinda part of the package to feel the way you're feeling jamiii, I've had active/flaring crohn's for 18 yrs straight and although I've had some better days, when the bad ones hit, even after 18 yrs of "dealing" with it, I still have resentment over having this DD...that's why support groups like this are so helpful, knowing you're not alone definitely helps, especially on the bad days.

:)

I think it's a grieving process for your once good health. When I was diagnosed I cried. I was depressed about it, then I got angry. With a bit of denial. Lots of "why me, this isn't fair" thinking. Then I finally felt like I accepted it. Of course I tend to go back to some of those feelings when I'm sick again. I agree that it's just part of the Crohn's package.

I would say let yourself feel all of those feelings, it's completely normal.

Five words: You are not your disease.

I dont want to be a negative nancy or whatever they call it lol, but honestly we all feel this way at some point or another. Even people that have had Crohns Disease for decades end up having bad days about it. And to be honest you'll probably not find another place that you can find someone or many people that have the same experiences as you. And even those people that 'have the same experiences as you' really their experience is their own, everyone is an individual just like our illnesses act the same way, as an individual. And my point is even around here you'll find that you still feel alone or like you dont have anyone to take it out on or like people here dont know what your talking about or what your going through. I know it sounds horrible. But we all deal with it or find a way to deal with it, some in mainstream ways, meainstream means different things to different people, but some take medications like anxiety medication to calm them, some do yago, accupuncture, bio-feedback, couseling, see psychologists, or pschiatrists. It all depends on how you want to treat it and how you want to deal with it.

I hope things get better for you, and they will get better as you go on. We all have to realize that this is part of our lives now, this IS our lives now. Im sorry very much that theres nothing I can do about it, but I am not going to let it inhibit me from pursuing my dreams under any circumstances.

Your in my Prayers, just like everyone else is, and I hope for your sake that things get better. i hate for people to feel this way at the beginning of their illness, or before even being diagnosed or right afterwards, I guess I feel this way because theirs so much more to go in your life, decades to go decades to deal and live with it, and I hate to see them turn negative immediatly or quickly.

thank you for all of the replies.

I've had a good couple of days so I am doing well again.

I just hope my next bad day doesnt put me in such a negative mood.

Trying to stay positive.

 

There is nothing to be ashamed of in admitting that this disease is terrible and sucks. Valerie, I am glad that you are accepting your disease in such a positive manner and I don't mean to sound mean or rude, but there will be days or weeks in which even you will have a hard time dealing emotionally with this disease. When I was first diagnosed, I too was overjoyed at the thought of finally have some sort of answer to why I was feeling sick and that it was not all in my head. My G.I. was not the most informative one and just said well you have Crohn's disease and instantly started me on Remicade. I had been hospitalized for almost 3 weeks at that point and had no idea that my journey was only beginning with this disease.
When I first started my infusions, I would laugh with the staff and have a great time each month when I went in. I would get sick still, but the medicine was doing what it was intended to do. Then came the time that it began to not be as effective. First it stopped a few days before my next infusion, then a week, 2 weeks, until it was only working for a few days. We tried everything with combinations of 6-mp, methotrexate, you name it we tried it to prolong the remicade. This went on for nearly 4 years and as I got sicker each month I too became disassociated with many of my friends and family and began to recluse some due to be embarrassed. I had to go on full time disability and again it took me just a little bit lower. I tried Humira, failed. I am now trying Cimzia and not doing much. Little by little this disease can whittle away at your confidence if you let it and can even make you forget who you used to be. This is where you have to step in and say that you are taking your life back.
I have had a total of 8 surgeries and numerous hospitalizations and procedures since I was diagnosed about 5 years ago. There have been times that I have been so strong and times that I have been lower than low. This is completely normal and Valerie and all you newly diagnosed members, prepare yourself for it now so that you can know how to overcome the low. Force yourself to get out on some days when you are more emotionally down than physically down. If you are in pain, admit it and talk to you doctor about some type of pain management program. Too many of us avoid pain medications due to the media and the thought of what others may think of you if you take them. I tried to cowboy up for about 3 years and take the pain and even after surgeries when I had to take meds, there were people that would call me a pill junkie because they saw me always have some sort of medication on me. I finally said that I do not care what others think and I am sick of living in pain and am now using pain meds under the close direction of my doctor. We are looking as to another way to not make my disease active and find the source of the pain, but in this day and age why should one suffer.
This also applies to those that are suffering from depression. If you need help, it is totally acceptable to seek counseling from a professional or spiritual leader inorder to achieve some inner peace. There are many methods of doing this and if medicine is involved, do not feel embarassed or let other berate you for it. You are living with a disease and only you can take charge of your life.
Escador, while I agree with your same theory that you are the same person now that you have Crohn's as you were before, I do feel that one needs to also accept that they have limitations that are different from before and adapt. I too was a student when I first was diagnosed, but there was no way possible for me to continue schooling at that time due to hospitalizations and surgeries. I have had to return to studies off and on and also change my degree to work with my disease. I think that it is great that you have been able to achieve so much despite your Crohn's but there will come times in which you will have to change your life. It is all part of having a chronic illness and accepting it. It does not mean that you give up but more that you conform to a way of life that is going to help you live a more healthy and active lifestyle. I am a hunter and used to hike for mile while carrying my heavy rifle, but now with my arthritis and despite only being 29 years old, there is no way I can hike like that anymore. So I still hunt, but have purchased a 4 wheeler ATV and do most of my hunting from it. I may not get to the same mountains that I used to, but I have found places that I never would have if I had not opened my mind. I easily could have given up hunting but will do it for as long as I can. This is accepting my disease and learning to live with it.
The best thing that you can do to learn to live with this disease and accept it, is to do research and learn all that you can. If you are prepared than you will not fear. I live by the motto: If you fail to prepare then prepare to fail. Knowledge is your bestfriend through this trial.

Well said nanners. Cycles, phases, or however you want to phrase it we all will have ups and downs. To say that you have not been a little bitter or depressed and then to say that you have fully accepted having Crohn's is not realistic. There are too many highs and lows to say that. It is part of accepting it by going through the lows. This is where we find out how strong we truly are and what we can handle. The first while whenever I would have contant bloody stools or abdominal pain, I was either in the E.R. or on the phone with the doctor. Now when I have bleeding or abdominal pain I know what to watch for and I know that I am not going to die so why panic. If it is terrible pain then I may call my doc, but no more late night E.R. trips to doctors that know less about this disease and my medications than I do. I can not say that I have fully accepted it or fully understand it, but I am working on it. Just like Nanners talked about her having it over 30 years and still part of the cycle of getting depressed at times. It is ok to admit that we are not like everyone else and it is not a bad thing to make changes in your life to improve you quality of life.

thats why i come here..because no where else can someone understand..i am in the mad/crying losing it stage right now...i am so mad at my fistula..so i know what exactly what you mean..pray for a cure!

My suggestion would be to try and find a crohns support group in your area.  I used to feel like I was alone with my crohns because nobody around me had the disease or even knew that much about it so how could I even expect them to relate.  about 8-months ago I found a crohns support group and I can't even begin to tell you how exciting it was to be around other people living and going through the same things I am.  I look forward to our meeting every month now and don't feel at all alone anymore.

I wish you the best of luck . . .