Posted 8/28/2010 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
NCOT, celebrate what you're accomplishing. You're doing more than I could a few months ago, and should (imho) be proud of that. Babysteps, remember.
@Ivy - Thanks :p
I'm finding that doing more stuff is helping. I haven't lived a 'normal' life for so long that forging a new one is going to be a very slow and very painful process - but I'm gonna give it a shot. After a decade of being a hermit, I need to learn how to re-engage with the outside world.
You are right about baby steps. In one sense it's taken my entire life so far to reach this point - not just a decade. I'm beginning to fleetingly glimpse certain things and I hope those insights can stay with me and provide a few stepping stones towards an independent life. Crohn's and depression between them have made me morbid: for too long now I've had the sense of death overhanging me. (I am not talking suicide here...)
Sorry. It's late and I'm tired, and thus my thoughts are probably taking a melancholy, rambling turn. My lowest ebbs nearly always occur at night. Rest assured that despite my dreading it this morning, my day did not turn out too badly in the end. I got over my morning grottiness and had a pleasant day with the nephews. (I've made a rod for my own back there, as they always expect me to play with them/spend time with them... :-/)
@Choc - I'm sorry about your mum. From everything I've read, I do think she does care about you, but she sounds a bit distracted and in her own world. If she's anything like my mum, talking to her while she is in the middle of doing anything is fatal. If you want her undivided attention then you have to make it obvious. Depressed people are extremely sensitive to rejection, but non-depressed folks tend not to realise that, and thus it doesn't occur to them that simple inattention can hurt.
Okay, I'd better go to bed soon. So braindead... :-/