Hi, I'm new to all this. And it sucks.

Welcome to the forum~it's nice of you to try to understand what your wife is going through.

Unfortunately, our bodies respond to therapies in different ways. Many do find relief with diet but that is something your wife will have to try and see if it helps her.

Many times symptoms show as UC and as the disease progresses Crohn's is confirmed. These diseases are very similar in symptoms. What is your wife currently taking for medications? Has she ever had surgery? Has she had blood work done to see if she is anemic or B12 deficient?

Good luck to both of you!

Hello and Welcome. I have lived with this disease for my entire life. My mother was diagnosed when I was 1, I was officially diagnosed when I was 23, but showed signs at 13. I have to say that I think it is great that you are here trying to understand and figure out what you can do to help. A lot of what we go through is very solitary, but we can't get through it with out our loved ones.

Growing up, my father was not always "present". I don't think my sister and I even realized that until just recently. Our Grandmother lived with us, so there was always someone around who was helping out and offering support, but I don't think my mother got much from my father. My parents were also from a generation where the men worked to provide and the women took care of everything else. I think my father felt he did his part. My grandmother picked up the slack, and offered her support to my mother to care for her when she was sick.

Times are different now. I was just recently in the hospital and while our kids are "fully baked", my husband made sure that everything ran smoothly at home. It meant that by putting dinner on the table, I might not get a visit that night, but I was OK with it, because I knew that my family was working together to get through the crisis. I had an appointment with a surgeon today and will be having surgery soon. My husband was with me at the appointment even though I said I could go alone. He's super busy at work and missing 2 hours wasn't really necessary. But it really meant the world to me that he insisted on coming. Regular appointments, he doesn't need to bother, but something where major things are discussed, he wants to be involved so that we can make decisions together. While I am the one with Crohn's, it affects both of us and our whole family, so he should be there to gather all the information and help decide what the best course of action is.

I guess what I am saying is figure out what aspects your wife needs/appreciates your help the most on and then really step it up on those tasks. For me, I like a visit every so often in the hospital, but not if it means my family isn't having dinner and getting homework done. Every other day visits will work, or lunch time.... You get the point. I don't need someone at every appointment, just the really important ones where major decisions have to be made. And when I am really sick, I need every one to pick up the slack with out any guilt backlash at me. So if fatigue is your wife's issue, make sure she plans time for a rest in the day and try to keep the area around the bedroom quiet for her. The little things that make a difference. No guilt or snide comments about her not being able to work as much because of her fatigue. She probably would love to work a regular week, but can't.

Diet changes work really well for some people but not so much for others. They have to be followed like a religion and it will be months before you know if it has helped. It could be worth a try. But I would also look at what her current medications are and does anything need to be tweaked? Has she had all the tests she needs to have done recently so that you are dealing with all the proper information. You wouldn't want to spend 6 months on SCD and then find out that her dose of remicade was way to low and if it was at the proper dose would have been feeling great.

I hope some of that made sense, it is very late and its time for bed soon. But still Bravo to you for even wanting to be her advocate!

"Why am I here? Understanding and support, I guess. I need to feel like I'm doing something (I AM a guy after all) and the only thing that comes to mind is diet. Does the SCD or Maker's diet really work? Can we make dietary changes that will help her, too? I'm not certain that modern medicine is the answer since I am starting to feel that modern "science" is what got us here in the first place."

Some folks feel that diet change is a diffucult and others feel it is not. I think I am like you. I am a guy and we need to fix things and diet is one that we can control. I can tell you that some swear by each of the diets and
others will tell you it is a hoax and diet has nothing to do with how we feel and heal. And I believe that there is truth in both positions as I think for some a certain diet will work and for others the same diet may not work.

I was uncomfortable taking the food diary approach. I am more comfortable thinking that someone who has studuied this for years knows more than I do, at least from a starting point. And I do not want to put that much time into studying this subject.
My appraoch was to get the books, ask a bunch of questions, then fully commit to one of the diets. I have been at it a year and I am so happy that I stuck with it. I read The Makers Diet, Breaking the Vicious Cycle (SCD), Fodmap, Low Res, Live Without Bread, and others. Oh another diet I just heard about is called The Gap Diet and from what I read I think I am already doing most of what is on this diet but it seems to make a lot of sense also.
I decided on one and stuck with it. It took me about 6 months to see improvement and another 3 to get to remmission. I continue to read and make changes based on each book I read, but I stay 100% on track with the diet I selected.
I was like you, would someone just tell me what to do to make me feel better, but there is no one, including me, who can do that. All we can do is share our experiences and hope you can find your path quicker than it took for us. No matter what you decide I suggest you continue to ask lots of questions as the folks here will help you freely
Dave

hey, I've had cd for 40 years. This is my take on crohns and IBD. It really is about maintaining the disease and pain. so for that it is med's and diet. Whatever works for each person, if it's strickly diet, wonderful lucky for that person. most of us it is diet and med's. I've had 4 surgeries with 9ft of small bowel removed, so I'm almost to the point that diet isn't going to change alot of my issues. For me it's med's(pain med is a med) and watch how much I eat, overeating can wreck total havoc on me. small amounts 5 times aday. My wife is wonderful ,she knows when I'm having pain she knows not to ask, what did you eat? she knows I can flare up with what time I eat or a multitude of things. she doesn't say anything. Understanding is the best thing you can do.

AG

Jorel, last year I asked my husband to help with my health by speeding up a home remodel we were doing (not our choice, it was a fire reconstruction). I felt the stress of the whole thing making me sick, and though I asked, we were not able to really change the situation and I ended up in a flare. So here are my comments. Help your wife

1) get plenty of rest
2) have time to exercise every day
3) watch for stressful life events and see if you can unburden her, even just a bit
4) remember to take her meds as directed

I count on my husband to keep me "honest" about how I'm feeling, remind me to follow up with my doctors, and come to my doctor visits with me to make sure HE understands all of what's going on. He asks a lot of questions and I often learn from them. I tend to believe I know it all already and so don't ask many questions.

Dietary changes are important for all Americans, frankly. While I do not hold to any special diet, the first thing that happened to me when I got sick 11 years ago was I became suddenly lactose intolerant. So I use lactose free milk, don't eat ice cream anymore, and when I cook with cheese it is generally a hard cheese.

More recently, because of this last flare, I have reduced gluten a lot. I eat gluten free breakfasts more than half of the time, hardly ever have a sandwich and try to stay away from gluten-y snacks. I don't know if that really makes a difference for me, but recent research shows that many people become less tolerant of gluten as they grow older, so it just seemed like a good idea.

I don't really like animal proteins and have been mostly a vegetarian most of my adult life. However, I am chronically anemic and eating fewer wheat products, plus legumes are hard to digest for me, so animal proteins have found their way back into my meal planning. I would say that I have increased my calories from meat by about 30% from a year ago. Generally I do ok with small portions of meat in a meal.

It is always better to cook at home - restaurant meals for me have become really difficult, unless I make a special effort to order small and eat carefully - there is just so much fat and I don't even know what that I feel awful after eating out. Take a look at your pantry - processed foods are a great convenience these days, but are generally not good for you.