Nurse made me mad, and then got me thinking

Grrrrrr. I'd like to give that nurse a piece of my mind.

I have two grown sons that don't have CD and I'm the only one in my whole extended family with it. So that's why I get mad at comments like that. I do know others for whom CD and other diseases run in families. That said it's your choice and you shouldn't let this DD and some uncaring nurse's comments make up your mind for you. True there is no guarantee that children wouldn't have CD, but also isn't one that says the will definitely have CD.

JMHO

Before we decided to have a child, (and way before I knew I had crohns), my husband and I stressed about what kind of illness that was in our families that we could possibly pass to a child. When our baby was born he had a rare disease that we had never heard of. Turns out my husband and I each carried a recessive gene. If we had known this in advance we would have never decided to have the child who has been our whole life for the past 15 years. I would never trade my son for another, healthy or not. All of us have struggles and our children are no different. If you really want to be a parent don't let someone scare you into not having a child simply because there is a small risk that they could get crohns. Remember, there could be a cure someday, hopefully not too far in the future.
It speaks to the quality of your character that you are already concerned about the welfare of a future baby. Good luck!

The choice is your's of course, but the nurse does make a good point IMO....I didn't get sick with CD until my first born was just over a year old...I asked my GI at the time (21 yrs ago) if CD was hereditary and he said they didn't know for sure at that point but it was possible.

I decided to have one more child because I didn't want an only child (mine and hubby's preferance), then as yrs have gone by I learned that there is more than likely a genetic component to IBD.

By the way, my mom had UC and I have CD, yet my mom didn't get sick with her IBD until after I got sick first...so you just don't know who in your families are predisposed to getting an IBD as well, it's a matter of it being triggered for them in order to become sick with it if they're predisposed to getting it. I'm sure many people may live their whole lives being predisposed to getting an IBD but if it doesn't get triggered for them, they'll never know.

Had I known I was going to get sick or if I had gotten sick before having my first, as much as I love my kids to death, I never would have had any (personal choice)...I should mention that my youngest (son) seems to be fine so far, but my oldest (daughter) has been suffering with gut issues since the age of 15, she's 22 now and still has a confirmed DX of severe IBS...I wouldn't be surpirsed if she ends up having an IBD though, and it breaks my heart that she suffers with the IBS the way she does and this is exactly why I wouldn't have had kids if I'd known I was going to be sick.

I agree with the other posters, and that nurse was way out of line! We all carry a genetic propensity for something. I think that you have to accept that the decision to have a child, just like the decision to love someone, carries with it inherent risks that something could go wrong. Your kid could get hit by a car chasing a ball across the street! The alternative is to be safe and never get the chance to have kids, connect with others etc. Crohn's is not a fatal disease. I am very glad I'm alive, and I wouldn't have wanted my parents to have chosen not to have me. I have two kids, ages 23 and 19. My 23 year old is very healthy. My daughter has angioedema, which is an allergic reaction causing lip swelling and hives. It is an autoimmune disorder. I have other relatives with other autoimmune disorders, but no one with Crohn's besides myself. I did not have my Crohn's diagnosis before I had kids, but if I had to do it over again, I definitely would still have children. I hope this helps!

Hi Mywowgirl, My son is 31 years old and does not show any signs of Crohn's.

Please don't put off having children because you think that they might and I say might get the disease because it is going to rob you of one of the greatest joys you will ever experience.

If I never had my son, I would not have ever had my two little grandaughters who are the "loves of my life".

Please don't put off having children because of Crohn's, it is not a death sentence.

And if you did have a child with Crohn's, who better to help the child through the hard times.

Hope you don't think I am being too harsh.

 

Post Edited (cleanfreak) : 5/9/2012 11:47:16 AM (GMT-6)

LOL cleanfreak, no problem, I wasn't sure if you meant it towards me or not...sometimes I misread posts and reply only to find out my reply doesn't make sense to the post LOL (I get brainfog at times).

Not many things make me instantly furious upon reading them, but that ignorant comment by the nurse did.

Crohn's has a genetic basis, yes, but it is not a straightforwardly genetic disease in the way that some diseases, eg haemophilia, are. With those diseases, they are caused by a single gene only and if the child gets that gene from the carrier, they get the disease. Guaranteed. With a complex genetic disease like Crohn's, there are loads of genes associated with it (71 at the last count). But - and this is the crucial difference - if a child gets any of those genes, they are not guaranteed to get the disease. The genes have to be activated by triggers which are, as of yet, unknown.

This all boils down to a parent with IBD having something like a 10% chance of 'passing' the disease onto their children. The chances of getting IBD are higher if a sibling has Crohn's than if a parent has Crohn's, for some reason. Another way of putting it is that 20% of Crohn's sufferers have a close relative with the disease - that still leaves 80% who don't.

On top of that, Crohn's, while a pain up the arse, hardly leaves you crippled for life. Most folks with Crohn's live perfectly normal lives. That nurse is basically saying a life with Crohn's is not worth living. That's utter BS for the vast majority.

And finally, as Jen77 said, many many other diseases are also partly genetic, including heart disease, cancer, and so on. The only way for the human race to avoid passing on any deleterious physical or mental traits to the next generation is to basically give up on having offspring entirely.

In a nutshell: if you want to be a mum, you go ahead and be a mum. Without any guilt.

My husband and I decided against children after his crohns diagnosis. I think every person/couple who has IBD has to at least know that there is a genetic link to crohns, so that they make informed decisions. I hope that's what the nurse intended - that you be aware of the possibilities, and wasn't trying to tell you what to do with your life or judging you for wanting children.

In our case, my mom has rheumatoid arthritis, my dad has type 1 diabetes, his mom died of cancer, his aunt died of multiple sclerosis, and his dad has heart disease. I've had some joint issues, but don't have an official diagnosis yet. We felt given our genetics, there was a good possibility of the child having an auto immune condition.

My husband spent 6 very stressful weeks in the hospital when first diagnosed, and that made a huge impression on me. If i had a child to take care of then by myself (neither my husband or I have any family here), I think given my stress and anxiety, I would have been an awful mom then. And should a similar situation arise again I am not confident of being able to take care of a child/children and my husband and hold down a job. Additionally if the kid got a chronic illness as well because she/he won the genetic lottery . . . So, decided to not have kids. Also, I don't feel like anything is missing in my life because I don't have children. If that feeling changes, and my life feels empty without children, I'll reconsider this decision for sure (and adopt if I'm too old to have kids).

I just wanted to give you the reasons for our choice. Hope it helps you think through it.

Going by the nurse's opinion, that would mean anyone who has anyone in their family with CD should not have kids.

My aunt has CD and my mother's cousin (possibly two cousins) have CD. I guess my sisters/brothers/cousins shouldn't have kids either since we have about 3 family members out of 100 with CD.

Sounds unreasonable to me, unless there are many family members with it, which is highly unlikely.

No one should be your judge about such matters. Have faith and do what's best for you and your partner.

I can totally see a nurse (or anyone for that matter) asking if people with possible genetic diseases would think about it before having kids, and wondering if it's something that would stop us from having kids, but to imply that you shouldn't have kids is NONE OF HER BUSINESS!

I am another one that has no family members with autoimmune diseases. It does make me think though...do people only plan to have kids if they're going to be perfect? My dad has a heart condition that could have been genetically passed to me, but my parents had me. My personal opinion is that some people are meant to have more difficult lives, and to grow strong despite them, while others don't have the health challenges we face. I have CD among other health problems, and my sister has NO health problems, and I know that I deal with it better than she ever could (she was the kid throwing a fit for 1/2 an hour over a shot, while I walked in, rolled up a sleeve and told them to get it over!)

I think I could go on and on about this...so I'll just stop now. Thanks for posting...it really made me think.

good luck in nursing school...I tell ( or I used to tell my students,I just gave up my job b/c of crohns) remember this...Remember who treated you well, remember who treated you not as well. There are wonderful nurses out there and not so good nurses. Besides MS, I have had strabusmis(sp sorry) repair, thyroid cancer, asthma,hypoparathyroidism, depression and now CD. I had an aunt that had thyroid ca and CD. Nobody knows,really who is going to get what. I have four grown sons. So far, so good. who knows? My youngest is from my current marriage and he has bipolar, like my husband. I felt gulty for soo many years. asked my youngest son if he was mad at me for having his dad be his dad and having bipolar he said no b/c it is what makes me be me.... all in how you look at it.
Best of luck with nursing, your health and your life!!!!

Yea its possible to pass it down like any disease to the child but its not always the case. Don't let her words get to you and stress you about children.