Anyone else taken a break from sex?

Hi
I got diagnosed with crohns 2 years ago after having a large abscess drained in hospital. I was in 3 weeks, it was a pretty traumatic time to be quite honest. I ended up with a seton which has been there ever since. One of the white elastic looking ones. Since then and two fistulas later, they have added two more stitches. So after a total of 3 setons its now got to the point where i have had to wear a pads every day for the past three years.

I have completely taken a break from sex, there can never be any spontinuity now that i have these things in with no idea of when they are likely to come out. If we decided to have sex then i would need a shower first so the spontaneous moments are gone. This is what used to excite me about sex in the first place. Wow i really am bearing my soul now !!

I just wondered whether anyone else was experiencing the same thing and any ideas how to overcome the situation? It is now effecting my relationship as ive now got it in my head that its my partner that i dont fancy anymore and not the setons that are the issue. I'm so confused about everything.

Good for you, for having the courage to talk about this! I was diagnosed 13 years ago; I've had an ileal resection, a perianal abscess, a rectal fistula, and I have a permanent rectal fissure. The surgery left me with short gut syndrome, which means that I do a lot of running to the bathroom. My worst time (as for so many of us) is in the morning--which happens to be when my husband's libido is highest, but when sex, for me, can be anxious and uncomfortable. His libido is lowest in the evening, when I'm in my best shape of the day, but when he's too tired to be at his best. (By now you've figured out that we're probably considerably older than you are.) Except for the morning, he has to take a cialis (an hour beforehand) to function fully; I sometimes feel better if I take a painkiller or anti-diarrheal (an hour and a half beforehand). And like you, if I've been having a bad day, I feel grubby and unattractive. So, yeah, all the spontaneity is gone. We generally have to agree to schedule a 'date' in the afternoon. So our sex life isn't what it used to be, for a lot of reasons. But at least it still exists in some form.

I agree that you may want to talk to a therapist about what you're going through. That may help you sort out your feelings. It's no surprised that your interest in sex is very low at this point, and that you're not sure how you feel about your partner--and yourself. I really hope that you can find somebody to help you deal with this very real and very difficult issue.