NCOT

Hi Miranda,

I know that you replied to my recent post, and I've seen that you reply regularly to others as listed under the last comment.

For some reason I'm unable to view your posts though. You show as the last comment, but on the thread there's nothing there. Are you being blocked?

I hope all is well with you. I know that you've been through quite alot this last year.

Tom.

Hi, Tom! In case you can't see NCOT's post above, she says:

Chances are, you put me on ignore by accident. (At least I hope it was an accident... ¬_¬) You will need to go to 'My Profile' and then 'Edit Ignored Users'. If I am right, my name should be on there: just uncheck the box to remove me.

Although you're not really missing a lot, I'm afraid... :-/


(All of those are her words, including that last sentence.....I didn't want you to think I think that, because I like NCOT's posts!)

Glad I could help - now go catch up on some sleep!!! :)

Great, I look forward to hearing back from you! :) NOW GO SLEEP!!! ;)

It's totally easy to accidentally ignore instead of the "quote post" button since they're right next to each other. That's probably what happened! :)

:) I think they are! I've always enjoyed reading what you have to say, because what you say is real.

Not to butt in, but I'm going to... I for one totally appreciate "real". Life is just too real and I like to interact with somebody who can go deep if they have to. Floating on the surface, nicey-nicey has it's place, but that's not the level I gravitate to. So, "depressing" or whatever you want to call it, I appreciate your realness too. We can't be what we're not and I appreciate that you call a spade a spade when necessary.

Stef

Miranda,

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through some tough times. God knows you've certainly been through enough last year for one lifetime.

I really hope you're able to get the thyroid medication regulated and consequently start feeling better.

I'm sure it must be so difficult to be positive. I don't want to sound corny with the quote, "tough times don't last, tough people do", but it really applies to you.

You've been through so much, and survived too much, to give up now. Prayers for strength coming your way.

Please keep me informed. I promise I won't put you on ignore again.

Tom.

Miranda,

You sound so down. You have every right to feel that way, as for what you've had to endure

I really hate to hear you use the word "suicidal". I'm not sure what it's going to take, but you absolutely have to remove any thought that this is an answer for you.

Your life WILL get better. I just can't say for sure when. There is always hope. I'm very glad to hear you finish with saying that there are tentative signs of improvement. That alone is something to build on.

Please keep persevering. You are here for a reason, and you've been through this test for a reason.

There are many, many people here that are behind you. I'm sure there's others in your life that value you so much. Depression can be a terrible demon to deal with.

"Stef17" sent me "relaxation vibes" when I was feeling down about my Daughter. They must have worked, and now I'm forwarding them to you.

Keep us posted.
Tom.

Hey NCOT,

I actually woke up thinking about you this morning....not in a weird, creepy kind of way but I spilled the last bit of my bottle do Friars yesterday and I as I was searching for alcohol wipes, I wondered if I had told you not to spill it.....then promptly went on with my day.....fast forward to 4:30 this morning, eye pop open, bing! There you were.

Hope you get those dark meds figured out....what a pain in the arse. They can really mess with your mind and emotions.

Will have to send you an email and tell you about my latest ultrasound appt....oh, the bruises are finally fading.....will email you later.

Have a good one and know that someone in Canada (where we still have three feet of snow) was thinking about you!

Later.....

K

@NCOT, I think you're doing amazing for everything that you've gone through. Depression sucks, Crohn's sucks, and you're dealing with it all really, really, really well. You've been an example to me of strength, and I'm grateful for it.

But the thing is, you ARE....you get on here and post, you're real with your feelings and emotions, you make an effort. And all of this in spite of how you're feeling. Please realize that IT IS OKAY to feel depressed and down about being in pain and feeling miserable. I'd be more worried if you weren't. You express what many of us feel but are afraid to say aloud because we don't want to come across as too negative, complaining, etc. But you still wake up in the morning. You get on here, you email me and others back, etc.

When my brother was going to counseling for PTSD, his counselor told him to stop comparing what he could do before to now. She told him to have a list of tasks to do each day. But these were small tasks, like taking a shower and getting dressed. And if that was all he could do that day, then it was a successful day. Who cares about the rest. I've been trying to do something similar - for me, it's I get out of bed and take my medicine. If I can do that, then I've accomplished a good day.

So you're doing great. In spite of your pain, you reach out to others and are still involved. And that makes you strong and impresses me.

Oh no, what happened at your visit? I'm so sorry. :( I understand the sleep deprivation - prednisone gives me insomnia, and last night was a rough one with some pain, too. Not bad enough for ER, but bad enough to not be able to sleep well. Plus the night before I kept having nightmares that the plane that's bringing me my husband and baby tomorrow crashed on the way here. It was so realistic, I woke up almost sure they were dead and couldn't stop bursting into tears all day long even though I skyped with both of them.

He's not a war vet, but he did some volunteer service in the Phillippines and the horrors he saw of poverty and child abuse really messed with him. He also got parasites there and it stopped his some of his thyroid and pituitary gland functions for a year, and it took a year to figure it out. So it wasn't war PTSD, but it was PTSD from the awful things he saw while doing service and then the physical problems of it.

He went through a crisis of faith for a long time, as well - wondering in God's existence with so many horrible things he saw and then to get so sick while trying to do service and help other people. He is doing so much better now, and he is an example to me. When I read your posts, @NCOT, and our emails, it reminds me so much of conversations he and I had together as he went through all of this. I guess that's why my emails to you turn out so long (and I apologize for that if it's a nuisance, I don't mean to be).

But he amazes me, and so do you. And that's why I have such faith in you and know you can get through these things you're going through. Because I did and my brother did. You can definitely have PTSD through the hard things you go through, and I actually think you might (not that I'm a doctor and can diagnose or anything).

Anyway, you really rock. I meant what I said - I wish I could fly out and meet you and give you a big hug and cry with you about this stupid, awful disease. But you're stronger than it - I know you are, because I've seen your strength in your posts and emails. Don't you dare let this stupid thing win!