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The stress of Crohns Disease on MARRIAGE

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Crohn's Disease
Has your marriage suffered because of your dx?
Nope! We are just as strong as we've always been! ❤️ - 28.6% - 2 votes
A little. But we're working on it and we'll come out better than ever! ❤️ - 42.9% - 3 votes
Somewhat. It's tough sometimes but they really try! - 0.0% - 0 votes
Yup...it's hard. It's hard to get used to all these changes. - 14.3% - 1 votes
Definitely...sometimes I don't know if we're going to make it or not 💔 - 14.3% - 1 votes
Yes. We've no longer together; we're going through a divorce💔 - 0.0% - 0 votes
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Posted 3/14/2015 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
sad my marriage & Crohn's disease cry

I have been married since 2009- we just celebrated our 6th anniversary. We have been through so much; we met in Afghanistan for crying out loud. We had our first child in 2010 -he has autism, we had our second child in 2013 - she was a premie. I got out of the service in 2011, he stayed in until 2014. So when I say we've been through a lot I mean it...but some how I feel like this Crohn's disease is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back (so to say). Our relationship has never been so strained, I've never felt so distant, and I've never felt so alone in all of my life.

Today was a big one; I've finally gotten some kind of a handle on the stomach pains. I take an enormous amount of medication daily & injections weekly to keep my Crohn's disease in a manageable state when I can function. I still suffer from exhaustion & allergic skin irritations from several of my medications.

And of course now I am having migraines. I have been to the energancy room 2x in the last 2 weeks and I have been doing as much as humanly possible to be functional (my sister was in town for a week) and I still ended up in the ER this Wednesday.

Last night I could fee my neck tightening (1st symptom of my migraine) I took 4 pain pills throughout the night - I had to take my sister to the airport and came home to take more medication and sit with. Heating pad. My husband asked to go work on something with his brother (knowing the pain I am in) and I said If that's what you want to do then go. Then I asked when does he think he will be back so I can mentally prepare myself to be up with the kids...

.....he got so angry. And said well I will try to be back before Cadwnces nap time. I asked what was wrong and he said "it makes me mad and its so frustrating that I have to plan my days around your naps" I of course am dumbfounded. All I could do was cry. I told him put yourself in my place, as frustrated as you are I'm missing out on so many things, AND I'm in pain on top of that. What would you have me do? What am I supposed to do when I can't even see in front of my face? Do I need to hire a nanny to help me? Someone who can help me out with the kids when I can't do it all by myself? You act like I'm making all of this up! You treat me like I am always looking for an excuse wringer out of doing anything...

He walks away then comes back (stands behind me) he says I'm sorry your in the line of Fire and I got so angry.

I don't know what to do...if anyone else was in my situation I would tell them leave. You don't deserve this. I would never put up with someone treating me this way. I feel like I'm not only going through this sickness by myself but I no longer have a partner to help me out at all. I'm lost. I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I'm...I don't even know what else. 😔




---------dx:jan2013-hospitalized 1 week- humira weekly>and everything else---------
Posted 3/14/2015 8:56 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Atte-Cass. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

What meds are you on for Crohn's? And what pain pills are you taking for migraine?

I just recently developed migraine (thank you perimenopause) and it took me a while to figure out how to manage it.
Posted 3/14/2015 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
It can be very difficult. Unfortunately no one can know what we go through unless they walk in our shoes. Besides that there is stress added from having a spouse that is ill. My husband struggled at first. We've been together 20 years, married for 19 years this June. I started getting ill probably in the 2nd or 3rd year of our marriage. At first he would get frustrated because I couldn't leave the house much. He'd tell me to just go to the doctor and "fix it." I felt like you, alone and hurt. It's gotten better since getting diagnosed and he sees what it has done to me over the years. Most of the time now he's very understanding and helpful. It can be hard on him having to help out around the house so much when I'm bad off. Thankfully my son is 16 now, so that helps a lot too.

But on top of all of that I know having an autistic child can add a lot of pressure to a marriage. My brother is autistic, he's on the very severe end. Non-verbal, can't clean himself etc.. I know that was really hard on my parent's marriage. My father was not very supportive of my Mom with this. So I feel for you, you have a lot going on.

Now about the migraines. I used to get horrible migraines with Humira. I've talked to a few other people who had that problem as well. It was one reason I switched to Cimzia because I couldn't handle the crippling migraines after every shot. Sounds like this could be the problem for you to. Did they start shortly after you started the Humira?
Posted 3/14/2015 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not sure what is worse: being married and feeling alone or being single and feeling alone. I've experienced both and completely sympathize. I was dx with UC while married and in grad school. My former husband was supportive but I think felt lost in how to help me. I was able to manage fairly well at home and didn't require many ER visits. I'm now single with a boyfriend and have lost count of my ER visits during the last 15 months. It sucks having to figure out which friend can take me or pick me up or who can be my colonoscopy person. I imagine with children the burden is even more stressful. Have you considered speaking with a counselor, either just you or both you and your husband? Our partner will never understand what it feels like to be us unless of course they have IBD. We will never understand their feelings of trying to balance being supportive to us and living life. I still see my counselor from the divorce days even after 7 years and what a huge help she has been. Please don't give up hope. Unless you're married to a complete douche-lord, I'm sure your husband wishes he could wave a magic wand and rid you of your pain and disease.
Posted 3/14/2015 11:49 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome! I know it's so hard. My husband and I were married three years go, and about two months after we got married my health just exploded (before that I'd been in remission). I have been hospitalized 30 times in those three years, and we had a baby in the middle of it (she's now almost 20 months old). My husband has had to make a lot of education and career sacrifices because of this.

So migraines might actually be made WORSE with pain medication. What meds exactly are you on? It sounds like a lot from your description. I take rizatriptan or sumatriptan when I feel a migraine coming on. A low-dose anti-depressant like nortriptilyne is also supposed to do well as a maintenance med for migraines (just 25 mg/day, then the other meds as needed for migraines). I like rizatriptan because it dissolves under the tongue.

The biggest thing that helps our marriage is open, honest communication for BOTH of us. If he needs to vent or be angry about a situation, I let him and I try not to take it personally. I actually feel more sorry for him than I do myself. We moved closer to family (as in the same neighborhood as my parents), so that has been helpful. Once a month he goes on a business trip out of state, and it helps him get a break.

Marriage counseling or even individual counseling for both of you might be a pretty good idea.
Posted 3/15/2015 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
scifigal makes a great point about pain meds making migraines worse. Sometimes I can be taking them for something completely different (like gut pain) and they actually GIVE me the migraine. I also have sumatriptan to abort the migraines, it works really well.
Posted 3/15/2015 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
I can't use Tylenol anymore because it doesn't even touch the migraines I get from my weekly Humira but someone on the UC forum gave me a great tip and it worked...taking an antihistamine day of the Humira shot, it was the first time I didn't wake up the next day or 2 with a migraine and I'm not prone to migraines to begin with.

As far as the rest of Atte-Cass's post goes with the hubby issues...I'm seeing a pattern with most everyone else's responses and when I think about my own crappy marriage the thing that seems to be common is that clearly being married does not agree with our bowel health lol Especially if anyone else's husband is narcissistic like my hubby (and daughter) both are...thank goodness for my son!

My husband works out of town now (thank goodness) and I only go out of town with him every other shift (to cook and clean of course because that's why I was put on this earth after all, to cater to him -in his twisted mind-) but when I'm at home and only he goes out for his shift, by the time the 3rd day of being home alone my guts actually get and feel better (I now suffer with severe IBS-C alternating D as my CD is in remission from the Humira). Honestly if we won the lottery I would tell him that we are going to split the money and go our separate ways, then I'll be able to afford to look after myself AND feel healthy again.

If you knew half the things he's put me through in our 26 years of marriage and in the total 34 years (with only one nice 18 month break from him in those 34 years) you'd completely understand where I'm coming from! He literally makes me ill.
Posted 3/15/2015 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
I will go through my meds tomorrow and let you know evcarly what Ike on. I had dwvope migraines around the humira injection so I now ore Medicare with antihistimes and muscle relexers. I have only been to the ER once because I'd the neck right was that led to a migraine.

Lately they have been happening regularly nowhere near the humira so it's difficut (I have a history of migraines, but have been well for over 3 years until now) I now have a prescription of immatrx (sumatriptan) from my last ER visit (I had to change my anxiety meds because they both process with serotonin) and I'm trying to get something for the prevention of migraines now.

I take oxycodine for pain, benydral & hydroxyzine for anti histamine (I have injection site reaction and allergy symptoms, and I lreaknout in a rash now) for my humira. And use them all in conjunction if needed for migrInes.

We had a long talk tonight and I put all of my cards on the table and told him if he didn't want to be with me anymore, to let me know now...I get where your coming from and we can work on ending things now and both go our separate ways so we don't hate each other of that's what you want. >>>>>>>He said he loves me and wants to be with me, he is angry and frustrated at the situation and I'm just in the line of fire. He said he will make a better effort to be more supportive and understanding & try to find a different outlet, he said he was shocked because he didn't realize I was so unhappy or thT I had been for so long. I let him know I am just as frustrated and also in pain, and also being treated like crap by him so to put himself in my shoes. He said he's fristrated and angry because he feels like he is going to end up taking care of me. I told him that chances are I'm only going to get worse, that I will probably have to endure surgery one day, & that if he wasn't up to that future then I need to know now. I don't want to come home from the hospital one day and the house be empty.

I am very relieved that he said he did still want to be with me. He said he will be here for me and to take care of me because he loves me, but he is having a hard time dealing/trying to deal with this. He promised he would make a better effort & k do believe him, I only worry that things will be great for a while and then we'll be back on the same place (that's how it ways happens. He's awesome for a few weeks and then its like he just forgets everything)

So for now we will try to make it work. I told him I want to see a marriage counselor , be of course doesn't think we need to but we're going to...of I have to surprise him with it one day.

I also made jt clear that I don't deserve this and I'm not going to continje to take it. That I can not do this on my own and I need help and support (my entire family is in Kentucky and we live in tx, where he grew up)

Thank you all for you support and understanding. I'm sorry your having difficult times but I'm glad it's kot just us, I'm glad to some sad extent it's normal. Thanks afain!
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