Had some tragic news

Awww. Happy Birthday!

Hope you feel ok enough to eat something tasty and enjoy your day.

(Your Mum might need more grieving time)

Happy Happy Birthday Ncot!!!!

I hope you are able to make it a good one despite them. I know the feeling to some extent. I had a major decade change this time around and heard nothing from my brother or father. Not a text or anything. I even ran into my father on my birthday and he made no mention of it. I was only slightly surprised since his lack of caring seems to expand exponentially over the years. I at least have my mom though, which I am grateful for.

Post Edited (Labradorite) : 1/19/2018 12:16:24 PM (GMT-7)

Happy Birthday Miranda!
Sorry about your mum. Maybe your dad was just trying to acknowledge that he was thinking about you without calling out of respect to you?? At any rate, I hope you can enjoy your day!

I seem to be getting better from my month long bronchitis and now I'm having massive D. I never took antibiotics, but I'm starting to worry about c.diff because its been 3 days. I have a call in to my GI, but who knows when he'll call. I'm getting all weepy....I think it's just been too long of being sick and I'm feeling weak and tired. Ahhh endless chronic illness. I don't mind my age (59) but I do wish to go back in time to when I wasn't sick all the time!! Take good care and have fun for me. I'll be thinking of you

Thanks folks!

I won't lie: it wasn't exactly the best birthday ever, but on the other hand it was better than Christmas Day, the latter of which sucked harder than a black hole. I had my steak and fries; I stupidly overdid the steak :-( But it was still really nice, even though it was on the wrong side of medium rare. I also had a couple of beers and chilled out to some music.

This morning I woke up feeling so low (after the inevitable bad dreams bordering on nightmares), I was scared I was crashing to rock bottom all over again. Thankfully I feel a bit better now and the immediate panic has passed. But I'm really going to have double down on my efforts to find stuff during the week to do and not give in to my natural tendency to withdraw all the time; it was partly the prospect of the weekend stretching before me like a terrifying emptiness which triggered me. It's only 2 days but those 2 days felt like forever 3 hours ago. But also, it was thinking about my parents which triggered me as well. I feel so confused about them. A part of me wants to go running back to them; another part knows they haven't changed a bit and that's where the problem lies. My dad doesn't do respect for other people, least of all his wife or children; so I don't think he was trying to respect my wishes. On the other hand maybe he was just simply leaving a small door open for me - I dunno.

All I know is, at the age of 43 I haven't managed to build an independent life away from my parents. That's not healthy or desirable for any adult, but it's even worse when your parents are psychological screw-ups who are in denial about being psychological screw-ups.

@Lab - I'm glad you have your mum at least. See, that's the thing. I always thought I had my mum too. But there were so many unspoken strings attached to her favours, I realised she was manipulating me: her favours, her kindness, etc. depended on me doing what she wanted me to do. She could become icy-cold and silent in a second and then refuse to talk to me, no matter how upset or distressed I was. There was, and still is, a cold rage at the heart of her. When I was younger I used to think it was alcohol which changed her personality; she's always been a very heavy drinker. It's perhaps possible that alcohol has altered her brain over decades, but she can be just as horrible stone-cold sober as blind drunk. The ironic thing is, my mum seemed to be absolutely convinced she had done everything for me, that she had always been nice to me but I wasn't nice to her.

You can't talk to her, as she goes into instant defensiveness mode and the shutters come down; there's no such thing as a happy family, all families are dysfunctional; she never saw my brothers do anything horrible to me as a child; I wasn't exactly a perfect daughter either; her mum was awful but she never treated her mum like I treat her, etc. etc.

My dad is out of touch with reality for the most part, so there is even less point in talking to him. He has a tendency to fixate on one issue which is important to him and nobody else, and then harp on about that until eternity. For example, some years ago he decided that I Never Did What I Would Said I Was Going To Do. Aside from the fact I don't think it was true anyway, even if it had been true my dad give it a bizarre amount of attention: apparently all my problems in life stemmed from Not Doing What I said I Would Do and if I just fixed that, everything else would fall into place.

My dad is the ultimate blame-avoider: he can't abide criticism or blame of any kind.

I've done my best over the past couple of years to sweep things under the carpet and not rock the boat, but it still failed anyway: it works for a while, but sooner or laziness the craziness always breaks through and I can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore: I just don't. And pretending it isn't there may work for my mum but it doesn't work for me. Not anymore.

Anyway, sorry for the essay folks! Just talking to myself at this point really, but I'll stop now... :-/

Edit: Well it didn't look that long in the posting box >.>

Truth is that its a scary deal when you are brought up by 'bad' people.

I am speaking for myself now. I have a memory of being fifteen and running from the house after one particularly bad row. And, I was always alone even when I was with them and used to spend heaps of time locked in my room with a book. Reading was my escape.

What is a result for me is that I can talk about them now with no genuine pain or feeling...but that has taken years.

There was a time when I couldn't speak of them without weeping with grief.

On a lighter note, take it easy, try and get out and go for a walk if you can.

Sounds like both of your parents have things in common with my father. Avoids all blame too and is out of touch with reality. He is a manipulative pathological lier and will come up with every excuse in the book to make himself the victim and blame someone else. He believes his own false reality and quietly holds grudges. He also completely lacks empathy and doesn't even know how to care about something other than himself. He hides it well from the public though and my mother and I get the brunt of it. He left us the I was growing up but is still in my life because financially he has to help my mother because she is disabled (partly due to his neglect when she became ill years ago), however its not something he likes to do so there are always the fights and arguments when ever anyone has to have contact with him. It has my mother at her emotional breaking point to still be dealing with him which stresses our relationship. I continue to work with my mother to make changes as soon as they are possible to get as much distance as possible from him but its not easy. Despite this I think I'm getting by fairly well and have developed decent coping mechanisms.

Happy Belated Birthday NCOT!! I am sorry I missed your day, I got knocked flat with a virus Thursday morning & ended up in ER for fluids & meds. I am still not there yet.

Hey..how did it go?

How are you feeling today?

That sounds really good! Filling up your week slowly is going to help a lot. As for the groggy feeling, what if you changed the timing of when you take the antidepressant?

I have Twitter! It's for my website though, not personal, so you don't have to follow it if you don't want to. The handle is @crazyshopcart

Just followed you.

Taking it at night might make you less drowsy, but it also might make it less effective for daytime stuff unfortunately.

Glad your feeling less groggy! Getting out is the best thing you can do. I find it helps to just form new memories sometimes.

As for the father topic-It sounds like your brother is stuck in a very bad situation. I thought i'd be able resolve some this when got done with college but I didn't anticipate all of the health issues. Yes, its not a good situation. My mother needs my help because of her health so I'm pretty stuck right now and there is no straight forward answer. We spend everyday working on solutions to it. its a work in progress right now and we have plans for moving forward. It will just take time. It helps that my health is decent right now and hopefully stays that way at least until I get to a more stable place in life but it gets overwhelming at times.

Morning NCOT!! I am finally feeling human again. There for a few days I was beginning to wonder. I have learned as I age it sure takes a lot longer to bounce back when you get a wicked virus like that one.

The restless legs & cramping in the calves & feet is miserable. I was dx'd many years ago with restless legs & finally was put on a medication I believe called Mirapex. That helped a lot. Eventually I was able to go off of it & thankfully the legs remained calm. I do hope the mag malate helps with the cramps. I use to get charley horses in my thighs, calves & feet. My dr did labs that came back ok & he said go get some magnesium. That took care of the cramping. The ones in my thighs were just awful, I would wake up screaming. If its bothering your stomach, try taking it after you eat.

Hopefully this week when you meet with your support worker you can finish with the paperwork for your PIP. How long does it usually take for a decision to be made?

I went back through & read your posts above & see you are getting out a little more. Hey, the walk group & art thing, all you can do is go & check it out. Even if you think you don't like it the first time, go back a second time & see what you think. You ended up doing ok with the outpatient group after getting out of the hospital.

about your mother & her drinking. My mother was an alcoholic & so was her 2 sisters & 2 brothers. It ran in her family & where her family was from, they drank moonshine, it was cheap. I really believe my mother drank to escape reality, it was how she coped with things. Now, that I am older I understand more things & who knows maybe I would have done the same. It was like living with Jekyll & Hyde. There is a chance your mother drinks to escape her own reality. The email from your father on your birthday, he is considered the man of the house. They live in that old school BS, the husband is the man of the house & makes all of the decisions. His word is the gospel & how dare anyone question him. Anyway, just my thoughts. Regardless, you can remove yourself from the environment for your own self preservation.

NCOT, this thread has gotten pretty long. Would you mind starting a new continuation thread. The admin would rather we not have long running threads. Say maybe title it something like NCOT-part 2 or something like that.

Can't wait to see your pics!

Woo Hoo! Have a great time on your date! I'm so proud of you for being courageous enough to go. Have a great time and don't worry about anything!!