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im pregnant w. a random guy's baby.. in grad school help!

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Posted 12/24/2007 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks. My parents told me I had a mental problem that I called my grandma and told her for support. They said I made their Christmas and lives hell. They think I also have a mental problem since I was crying and saying that I would light a candle on Aug. 19 (the due date). And they are threatening to take my car away as punishment for how I slept w. someone I barely knew and got pregnant.
Posted 12/24/2007 11:03 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Confused,

I really think Mochiah is right.  This is YOUR LIFE, you do what is right for you.  I know that I have been trying to persuade you to keep the baby.  That is because this is a decision that you cannot change after it is done.  But you know what is right for you and as she said you will be able to tell if you made the right decision. 

Also I agree that your parents are more worried about what other people think than they are your interests.  You are 22 years old, right?  You are old enough to make your own decisions.  I do think that your parents are wrong in the way that they are dealing with this situation.  I would think they would want a grandchild.  But that is my opinion.  As I said before, we are here for you and will support whatever that you decide. 

I wish you a joyous holiday and inner peace within your self.  Try not to worry too much, that will only make you more depressed.

Luv and hugs,

getting by

Posted 12/24/2007 11:12 PM (GMT 0)

Confused,

I hope that you see my other post, it was just before your last post.  We must have been writing at the same time.  LOL.

I think you are depressed and being put under a lot of unnecessary pressure by your parents.  It is not right of them to use you by threatening to take everything away.  We all make mistakes.  Nobody is perfect.  You are going through a lot of stress right now.  That is not good.  I don't think your parents are being fair to you and I think you need all the support that you can get right now.  If you were my daughter I would probably be upset, yes, but I would be there for you whether you kept the baby or not.  I would let you decide though I would as I did, try to convince you to keep the baby.  But I would not tell you what to do, even though I tried. LOL again.

Do what you think is right.  And no you are not a mental case, though I think you need some support because you are stressed and depressed.  That is normal for what you are going through.  I would be worried if you weren't.  I think it is good that you are talking to your grandmother, what did she say to you?

Hugs,

getting by

Posted 12/25/2007 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hello. Thanks Mochiah and getting by. My grandma told me to have an abortion too. But to not worry. She said it was going to be ok. And God will understand why I did this. I hope he will and I hope I do not feel guilty afterward. I know I will not be ready to raise a child without the support and help from my parents. And I do not want to give it up for adoption once it is born. Also, I asked the father whether he thought abortion was the right choice and he agreed.
Posted 12/25/2007 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
I do feel guilty for what I am about to do but I know I have to do it. :-( I will pray every day for God to watch over him/her and hope one day I can meet him/her in heaven if God forgives me. I hope you all have a great holiday as well.
Posted 12/25/2007 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
Confused, I am also curious what your grandmother said only because my grandmother is the one who surprised me the most (my dad's mom, other grandma had already passed). For my dad being the one throwing out all the rude, hurtful words, I was surprised that my grandmother was the first one to say she was proud of me and, in her exact words, "I am not mad at you." I had been moping around thinking everyone was thinking of me what my dad was saying then here comes this very strict Catholic woman saying this. She has since passed when my daughter was 2, but she was able to see her first great grandchild, and was buried with a single rose from her. Love you gramma K.

Please understand that your parents are feeling a lot now, too. They will soon realize that what's done is done and they can't change it to suit their wants. Is taking away your car, education, whatever, going to get them any further ahead? They are lashing out in an attempt to make you be what they want you to...yet they don't know what they want of you. Had you not told them your plans and they find out down the road, they would be mad at you for not telling them...your darned if you do, darned if you don't.

I, too, wish you inner peace and healing within your family.
Posted 12/25/2007 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
We were posting at the same time....SEE, aren't grandma's amazing. So then, it is your PARENTS who are having a problem coping. Ask them exactly what it is they want you to do, it's done and over with....so now what, what is it exactly that is going to make them happy??? You've learned from this, you have had to make grown up decisions about it, and you are going to be dealing with the consequences the way your heart leads you. Sounds to me like a pretty strong person, not one with any mental problems, AND to admit it to them rather than hiding it. Well, I think you are amazing, I just hope they come around soon and see it too.
Posted 12/25/2007 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
thank you. I wish you happy holiday. The apointment is on Thurs. I'm scared
Posted 12/25/2007 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
Grandparents are wonderful, aren't they? They are so wise. I was addopted by mine when I was four years old.
Confused, please don't let yourself feel guilty over your decision. Once you do what you have to do, you need to focus on college. That is the reason for your choice. So therefore, you need to be able to clear your head.
And remember we are here for you. You will be okay and you will be strong.
I wish the both of you the most wonderful, peaceful Christmas eve. And a joyous and memorable Christmas day.
hugs,
getting by
Posted 12/25/2007 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
I completely agree with getting by....you must focus on your courses. It may be tempting to wallow in your grief, but if you do that you are defeating the purpose of your decision. I'm not saying you should not grieve, you have time for some of that over your winter intermission. Once you are back to classes, pour your heart into them and go in with a clear head. Learn from it and don't repeat the same activities and you will do well. Then, when you pass those courses you have someone up there to thank! I think you will be a much more compassionate doctor because of this. Please, take something that feels so negative and turn it into positive things.

Have a merry Christmas tomorrow. Know that we are thinking of you.
Posted 12/25/2007 4:29 AM (GMT 0)

I think your parents are making it about them. This is all about you, and the life of YOUR child. This is your decision and yours only. I have the same dream as you do. I have not made it to grad school yet, but plan to. My parents would flip if I told them I was pregnant if I were in your shoes. They would kill me now, since I am only 16 now...but, I see where you are coming from. You have to choose whether or not to keep this life God has blessed you with. To me, a child is a blessing. And God does things for a reason. I think maybe He has a plan for you. I know you really want to go to school. I would also if I were you, but you are also failing a class. Maybe you need to step away for a while. Take a break freshen up.

You said your parents would kick you out. You also said you told some friends and your grandma, I think. What did they say about it? Is there any way you could live with any of them? I know you said you wanted the abortion, but you have to make sure that it is the only way out. Thats what I would do. Your parents dont agree, but its not there decision. If you had the baby, I cant imagine them not being able to love there grandchild. If you think they will kick you, then find a family member or friend to stay with for a while. Look at al the possibilities.

You also have to consider the future, what is it going to be like for you? Are you going to regret it and hate yourself for it? You cant go back and change it. You will live with this decision everyday for the rest of your life. Make sure you take EVERYTHING into consideration. I know this is your choice. I am not here to persuade you. God is watching over you and you will make your decision. I only here to give you my opinion, and to offer you support. No matter what you choose, we will all still be here for you. We will not leave you no matter what. I hope you have a great Christmas! And let us know what happens.

Posted 12/25/2007 4:47 AM (GMT 0)
Tennis - I absolutely love the last quote in your signature line...would you mind if I changed it a bit and used it in my own??
Posted 12/25/2007 5:14 AM (GMT 0)
Umm...a little random, but I like spreading awareness. Yes, you may use it. I use a lot of awareness stuff and I was looking for icons and came across a really good one and that quote was on it. It is a Depression Awareness quote so go right ahead and spread awareness! lol tongue I crack myself up! Its late for me! Take care!

Posted 12/25/2007 5:30 AM (GMT 0)
When I was first reading this post....I totally didnt read the second page! (One of those moments!) (I blame the medication!) But, anyways, I do agree that you should not feel guilty. If you do what you think is right, you have no reason to feel guilty. I dont think you have a mental illness at all. I think if you what to light a candle you should. I think that is a very sweet gesture. You obviously care about this baby if you are willing to do that. I am not judging, but it seems to me you want to abort this baby because of what others are saying. I am not sure, as I dont know much of your situation. But you keep talking about what your parents want and all of that. What do you want? I know you are worried. I know you think you would have no support and that all these things would happen. I know you want to go to school so badly. I know you have thought about this baby alot.

If I were in your situation, the thoughts of the baby would be overwhelming. I wouldnt be thinking about what my parents thought or about what would happen in my life. I would think about the baby. What I would name it. What it might look like. If it would be like me. Its first steps. Its first day of school. The unconditional love between me and my child. I would think about holding it. Cuddling its small body against mine. The bond we would share. My best friend had a baby boy. She is a single mother. Her story is quite like yours. She chose to keep him. He is so sweet. He is such a blessing and I love him like my own. He has changed her life so much. He has put it on a path which they will walk down together. But, I love him so much and I am so grateful he is here.

This is your decision. You know what everyone else thinks. But, you have to block that all out. You make the choice, and everyone will stand behind you. But remember, this is a HUGE decision, not just for you, but for your baby. You cant just say yes or no, you really have to think about everything. I hope you seriously consider everything possible.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision. I hope you have a very special Christmas!
Posted 12/25/2007 6:49 AM (GMT 0)

a little side note since I identify with you a bit (age, grad school, failing a class, depression)

Though your parents had a crappy way of saying it and did a poor job supporting you, they are technically correct in that you have a "mental illness" (depression, maybe bipolar for all we know..you could say all of us on here do) since you said you were depressed and your actions (looking for self esteem boast, failing classes while pursuing your dream, wreckless actions with your health, etc).  The pregnancy was secondary to that.  The lesson...take care of yourself now before it gets worse!  Your school should have free counseling, and low cost medical care.  You can get out of the depression that took you down this path.  They can also screen you for STD's and help with any issues you may need to deal with after the abortion.  It may take quite a while, but an upswing is good no matter how long it takes to get to where you wanna be.

Posted 12/25/2007 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
If you read this today, I want to wish all of you a very happy holiday. Tennis, it is good to hear from you again. I know that you have probably been busy with school.
Sophie, you have been so supporting of Confused, that means a lot.
Confused, I am sure that you will do what is right got YOU and we are here for you no matter what.
All of you, please enjoy this special day. You are all special to me.
LUV and HUGS
getting by
Posted 12/25/2007 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
thank you all for being supportive. Happy Holidays!
Posted 12/25/2007 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
Oh my goodness....Tennis, are you sure your 16?!!!! M'dear, you are very wise for your years.

Even though your quote is for depression awareness, it says all of my feelings about being in chronic pain to a T. I try to put on a smile and act like I'm not hurting in front of my friends and family simply because they do not understand. Of course, I am also depressed, so it just sums it all up.

Merry Christmas to everyone.
Posted 12/25/2007 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
Well, thats what my birth certificate says! I get that alot. Thanks though. I feel much older most days....on the inside I mean. Because of the pain and everything. I guess it has caused me to grow up and be more mature for my age. I just think of it as a gift!
Posted 12/26/2007 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Confused,
You have to do what is right for you. Listen to your heart. I will be thinking of you and wishing the best for you. Do me a favor, if I can ask...don't ever risk your life having unprotected sex even if you are on BC. You are worth so much more than that.
Stay strong sister,
M
Posted 12/26/2007 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Confused, please let us know how everything goes. I wish for you the best. Keep us posted.'
luv and hugs,
getting by
PS you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted 12/26/2007 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you. I will let you know. i am going to go with the abortion tomorrow. I know this is cruel to the embryo, but I know in my heart it's what's best for me, the father and the baby. The father also wants me to do the abortion. We were never in love. I will always wonder what the baby would look like, whether it would have been a boy or girl, what our lives together would have been like, etc. I know I have to do this though unfortunately. Please pray for us.
Posted 12/26/2007 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I do think your parents are wrong. I am a single mom and my daughter is the ONLY thing that has kept me from losing total control. I had to get a hysterectomy and cannot have any more children. I would LOVE to be pregnant and expecting a new life. One thing to know, you may always wonder what might have been, and sometimes regret your abortion. You will come to blame your parents for the child that was never allowed to take a breath, but if you have the baby - keep it or not - and you look into those innocent eyes waiting for YOU to guide her along, you will NEVER regret having given her life. My daughter's father left me when I was 9 weeks pregnant and I have been on my own ever since. I just graduated college and I am starting my career. My daughter inspired, never hindered me. There are programs to help - heck! I went to college with grants and had money left over to live on and never paid a dime!
You have to do what is best for you, but you are trying to make your family happy, and that is wrong of them to expect and wrong of you to do. You are 22! You are old enough to do whats best for you, not them. My sister wanted my neice to get an abortion at age 17. She kicked her out for a short time and swore never to speak to her again. Now, her grandchild is the light of her life. She let me niece come back and helped her through the hard time. Now, they are every close and I am thankful for my 10 year old great niece. Parents get over it. You will get over them being mad at you.
I am just sharing my personal opinions and experiences. In the long run, YOU have to face and live with your decisions. Your parents don't have to live with killing a child (Although it should bother them that their grand baby's life is in the balance here!), Trust me, it can be done without the father. I have been doing it for 6 years, and I even finished college!

I wish you the best! I really do, just be sure that your decisions are yours and not your parents. I am praying for you. I just want you to be the one who made the decision NOT your family! Please try to understand that I am not trying to make you feel bad. No matter what, God forgives us, but we must learn from our mistakes.

Spacey

One rarely regrets giving life, but nearly always regrets ending one. ~Unknown

Post Edited (spaceytracey72) : 12/26/2007 4:22:04 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/26/2007 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
i know i have to do what is best for me and i think that this will be best for me in the long run. eventho it's going to be hard the next few months. i know my parents will disown me if i keep the baby.
Posted 12/26/2007 11:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Confused,

Of course the father would want you to have an abortion because he doesn't want to have to pay child support. It is his responsibility to take care of that baby until he/she is old enough to take care of him/her self. Like for the next 18 years. So if it is financial problems you are worried about there is your answer. Honey you are 22 years old, your parents can't disown you. You are old enough to be on your own. I just wanted you to know these things. You can get cheap housing and a lot of help when you have a child. Even health insurance.
But like I said before, I will be there no matter what you do. Just thought you should know some of your rights. In some places there are grants that pregnant mothers can get to help pay for tuition too. Still trying to convince you.
Hugs,
getting by
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