HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Hello.

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 12/26/2007 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi. I just joined today and I am not sure where to start. I don't want to jump in and just start venting and telling my story, unless that is how it's done. I need someone to lean on, just to let it all out. I am sure my family and friends are sick of hearing about it.
Anyway, I am glad to have found a place where I may be able to talk to someone who understands me.

Spacey
Posted 12/26/2007 11:39 PM (GMT 0)

Hello and Welcome to HW.  Please feel free to share as much as you want right here in this thread.  You will meet many wonderful and caring members here in the Depression Forum so post when your ready.

Again a Warm welcome.

Kitt

Posted 12/26/2007 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tracey,

First of all, welcome to the Healing Well forum. You should do what ever that you are comfortable doing. If you want to tell your story, we are here to listen. If you want to take little steps that is fine too. Either way we are here for you and will always listen and hopefully give you some good advise. Also I am sure you will have advise for us also. There are a lot of wonderful people on this forum. So vent, or tell your story or just take things a little at a time. We are here.
hugs,

getting by
Posted 12/26/2007 11:47 PM (GMT 0)
I'm here to help you as well. I appreciate your opinion. Let me know if there's any advice you need for any situation. I also admire your ability to finish college and have a child. I already have a Bachelor's degree, but am now in my first year of professional school. I know if I did keep the baby, I would probably have to take 1 or 2 yrs off. And I would need help raising the child while in school. My parents would not help me raise the child unfortunately.
Posted 12/27/2007 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
Well, let me tell you a little about me. Let me start by saying that I have been diagnosed with depression and lately I wonder if there is more to it. When I first posted earlier, I felt absolutely rock-bottom. Now, it seems not so bad. This happens often.

I am a single mom to a lovely 6 year old girl. She is the reason that I go on each day. Her father left when I was 6 weeks pregnant and I haven't heard a word from him since and don't care to. No support, but no drama, either!

I am starting my career as a Sign Language Interpreter but business is slow, so money is tight and it is possible that I am going to lose my house. My daughter does NOT want to move back to grandma and grandpa's house, and that makes me feel like crap, but what can I do?

My depression runs the gamut from sadness, to hopelessness, to thoughts of suicide, to "hey, it's not so bad!", to anxiety attacks and insomnia. Part of the triggers are the pressure of being my daughter's one and only source of support and guidance and worrying that something could happen to me. I have a very bad back and I am so afraid to end up unable to support her. I take pain medications to feel better for my back and lately catch myself taking them to feel better from the depression. I am worried I will grow addicted, but the pain is too bad to stop taking them. So, I leave them and other meds with my mom and bring home only enough for a day or two.

My friends and family are probably sick of hearing of my problems and inability to cope, so I feel very alone. I don't want to burden them.

I try to cover up my feelings but it makes things worse later. One night, I was so out of control, that I threw everything off my table then tossed the table all because I couldn't find my keys. All in front of my daughter. I have never let her see me upset, so I scared her and it broke my heart to do that.

When I am out working at a job site, I am so professional and everyone thinks I have it all together, but inside I am a child who is falling apart at the seams.

I am hoping to get in with my doctor tomorrow and get my meds adjusted. I am afraid to tell her everything because I am afraid of what she would do. I mean, if they think I would hurt myself, they could take my baby away. If they did that, I WOULD die! I would never hurt myself, but I think about it all the time.

Anyway, that is a rundown of what is going on with me.
Posted 12/27/2007 1:40 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Trace,

It sounds like you are a good provider for your little girl.   And congradulations, children are like a light shining down on us when it seems the darkest.  They are so prescious. 

Try to look at the positives, you are a single mother who is successfully taking care of your child.  That alone is wonderful, especially with the pain issues.  Your pain medicine can make you feel better and even give you a little energy,but(sorry), eventually it could depress you because narcotics do that.  Maybe you could ask your doctor for some antidepressants.  Explain what you are up against at this time and she should help you.  Don't worry about the addiction part, if you didn't need the medication, your doctor wouldn't be prescribing it for you.  Are you dealing with fatigue?  There are medications for that too.

As for the rage that you went through, that is most likely from holding everything in for so long.  I am sorry that your daughter had to see it, but if you explain to her and let her know how important she is to you and try to make her feel safe, I think she will be okay.

Sweetie, you are doing a good job so don't beat yourself up over this.  Try to go one day at a time and you will feel better.  Take your daughter to the park and swing or go for a walk.  You will make it.  You are strong, remember that.

And remember that we are all here for you.  Keep us posted.

Much love and hugs,

getting by

✚ New Topic ✚ Reply