Hello all, after 14 years with depression, nice to find you...

I found this place last night as I was looking to make a connection with someone else who can understand pretty much exactly what I'm going through.

I finally started treatment for depression and generalized anxiety last year. I have been depressed since my teen years, but it has waxed and waned over time. However, last January I sank into a major depression not brought on by obvious factors (I have had at least one before, but it followed my father's death and was understandable). I have finally been diagnosed as having the atypical depression type of dysthmia, as well as anxiety. Most of the time my anxiety is under control, but during particularly stressful situations, I find the need to pop a Xanax to keep me from freaking out. However, the depression this last year has gotten worse and worse, despite all the work I have been doing to help pull myself out of it. I have been on anti-depressants, first Lexapro and then Cymbalta (I took Wellbutrin in college but it did nothing for me). I am now on a 120 mg dose of Cymbalta, and it keeps the major depression cycles relatively shallow, but they still come so close together that it's incredibly frustrating. I just seem to have no drive to do things that need to get done most of the time.

I am married to a wonderfully supportive man who is always patient with me and just wants me to get better. I have a job that I love and friends who love me fiercely. I have 4 cats and a dog who are all very devoted to me. I have been seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist, taking my meds, doing CBT and examining my feelings about things, and I have had several issues that I have worked through. But I still feel trapped in a box somehow, unable to escape, and unable to climb out to that place where I feel normal.

I am having my thyroid function tested tomorrow, as hypothyroid runs in my family and I have read that it has a strong correlation to atypical depression. I am actually hoping that they find something wrong with it, because I really want to just start taking the thyroid supplement and have everything get better, but I am so afraid of what I will do if this is not the case. I know that many of you must be going through the same thing, so if you have any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Sesara,

If it does turn out to be a thyroid problem, then as you said, there will be something that can be done about that, and then you'll feel better. But if that isn't the case you're still going to be okay. You'll just need to look at different solutions. And you seem to be on the right track with therapy, medication, and it sounds like you have a lot of supportive people around you.

All I can suggest is trying to stay active (which can be hard when you feel low) and talking. My mum used to tell me that putting out energy leads to more energy. Meaning that it's hard to get started, but once you do things move more easily. I've found that I have to push myself to get things started, but if I manage to keep going it gets easier, and then things start to get done. And on days where you really can't make yourself do anything, then talking. Even if it doesn't change the way things are it can help you let go of some sadness. Sounds like you have a good husband and good friends, and feeling loved and appreciated can go a long way toward feeling better, so remember that you have all these wonderful people and animals around you who adore you.

It takes time. You started treatment a year ago, but if it's something that's been going on for 14 years it's going to take longer than that to pull yourself out of it. And some days you might literally feel like you have to be pulled around just to get through the day. Some days are better than others. Some days are more hopeful than others. Just give yourself time, have patience and understanding for yourself. This wasn't something that was created in a flash, and it won't go away in a flash. But you are doing some healthy, positive things, and you've taken some big steps. To me it sounds like you have accomplished a lot in a year - be proud of that!

Hi I'm so sorry about your depression. I totally understand I've also suffered from depression.
It is the worst thing in the whole world. I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I'm
on Zoloft now. I just had to up it to 100mg, because I started feeling depressed in December.
I also have SAD disorder. ( Seasonal Affective Disoder) I always have a worse time during
the winter months. I feel ok now. I've also had a very stressful situation with my little boy,
he has been very ill. I'm also not working right now. He's just now going back to school half
days. I've gained alot of weight, but I can't contribute that to the Zoloft. I haven't been eating
healthy at all, and not exercising. Don't feel bad about taking medicine. It's a chemical
imbalance in your brain. I have always felt like people that haven't ever been depressed they
don't uderstand. I probably will be on medicine for the rest of my life. I didn't have any
problems at all until I was pregnant I started having panic attacks. After the birth I had
postpardum depression. Have you gained weight ? Take Care !

mom01