New member!

Hi there Viper and Welcome to Healingwell!

If I understand this right, although you have 2 daughters only 1 lives with you and your g/f and she is a baby? I cannot honestly sit here and preach about intimacy problems and children since I have never had a g/f nor have I any children. However, I understand from others that being intimate with your partner with a new baby in the house is often difficult since your thoughts are often pre-occupied with the baby and there is the question of Post-Natal Depression. But if I understand the situation correct, your partner is not genetically linked to the baby however in moral terms, it is you and your g/f's baby. I know this sounds daft but I know it happens SO MANY times... is there a jealousy issue? Your g/f had you all to yourself and now she has to share your time with a baby. For some people, this can be a big adjustment... especially realising that the love you have for a child is different to the love you have for a partner.

Is she on any meds or does she see a councillor? It might be worth her having someone completely independent to talk to so that any issues such as her past abuse can be ironed out before the problems escalade. Catch problems while they are mole-hills... mountains are far harder to move.

All the best

Darren

I too would like to welcome you to healing well depression forum. Your girlfriend is one of the sweetest people that I have ever met. Just the fact that you are here, means you really care and want to work this out. All I can say is be patient, she is working really hard and cares so much about you. I can see only good things coming from this.
Thanks for posting, I know that with your patience and caring you both will get through this.
hugs,
Karen

Thank you all for the warm welcome.
I really dont know where to begin plus it took me an hour to find this thread again (lol)
love ya baby T always

well this is'nt easy to say and nor a lightly way to say it but i told baby t something that i was really ashaimed of doing i cheated on her.
I couldn't hold it in any longer after all she has touch me so much.
She means the world to me and i couldn't have kept it in any longer anyway.
I hated to hurt her like that and she is doing so well.
I know i did something really bad and proably not a very good time eather to tell her but she had to know.
I do love her so so much and i'll do what ever it takes to prove it.
i really hope that all of you can help me i never wanted this to happon. :( :(

Viper, you need to completely go no contact with the other woman and make it clear you want nothing to do with her. That is, if you are willing to do everything possible to make it right again with your gf. Go to couples counselling together and you need to do individual counselling as well. Understand why you felt the need to cheat, instead of talking it out with your gf. Understand her pain, all the love and trust, faith she had in you has been shaken and her world turned upside.

Good luck and I hope you two can work through it.

I agree with Kitt on this one. No matter how much people say they can advise people seperately, there is always going to be a bias to a greater or lesser degree since you know that both people will read it. If, for example, I feel that one person is being very childish about the whole situation, it is then very difficult for me to comment when the other party is reading it.

I am not saying that only one of you deserves to be on HW, I am saying that advice should be treated with caution since it is at risk of being biased... especially since I believe both of you have friends here on the forum. I think this is much better sorted by councilling (Either together or seperate) as Kitt has suggested.

Darren

Baby and Viper

We have run into this type of situation before,and it ends up making everyone uncomfortable..the ones reading the posts,and then not knowing how to reply,as Darren said because the other is reading it.

I don't want this situation to end up like that....

I do understand that it is easier sometimes to let your feelings out by typing them... so in order to diffuse any situation that might occur I suggest that you two email each other and use that as a way of getting your feelings out.

Thanks for doing that.

I agree with everything having been said. They should try to seek counseling if they both want to make it work out, which I know it will! Something likes this take times and it is hard, but getting through it together will make both of you stronger.

The only thing I have to disagree with is that having both of them on the site, its hinting toward having both here and having them reading each others post will hurt one of them. Personally, I think we should all be honest. If we are being honest I dont think it should matter who reads it. If I were in there situation I would want everyone to treat us the same. I would want to here everyones opinions and hear the truth. Someone always gets hurt, but being honest is always the best way to go!

I do agree that it could be hard having them both here, but they deserve it as much as the next person! I love Baby being on here and I would never want her to leave! I think if they both choose to stay we shall treats them as individuals and stop thinking of them as a "them". Bias is going happen, but I think we should be open-minded about everything and just be honest!

I am glad to have them both on here. They came here for our support and I intend on giving them both that! Also, Baby T is taking a break from here... I think that is great and I respect her decision. I think she needs space and it will be good. Hopefully she will start feeling better again soon!

(((BIG HUGS TO BABY!))))

thank you all for your advise this is not making me feel any better but its ok.
humm i think baby t is going to leave me not for shur if it is permenate or not.
i wouldn't blame her if she did but i will always love her and hope some day she would forgive me but wouldn't blame her if she didnt.
right now i am shaking pretty bad its sinking in pretty hard

Check out marriage builders (google it) and surviving infidelity.