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Posted 3/21/2008 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi guys,

I wanted to take a minute and let you guys know that I am ok.  It has been a couple days since I was here.  I have been so sick that I thought about going to the hospital but didnt because I am already in debt for my previous hospital stay.  I have abiout a 104.9 temp and have tremors so bad that my hands are constantly shaking.

 

Today is the first day thatI have been able to sit upright without getting sick. Even now I am starting to feel bad. I have the sweats and just feel like I could die.  I dont hardly ever get sick but when I do, I get sick.

 

Well going to lay back down, not feeling well right now.

 

I am ok though.

Posted 3/21/2008 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Teresa,

Thanks for checking in with us. I am sorry that you are so sick, I am worried about your temps. So please go to the doctor if you don't start feeling better.

Thinking of you,
Karen
Posted 3/21/2008 6:41 PM (GMT 0)

Im sorry your feeling rough at the moment Teresa. I would definately see a doc if the temperature doesnt come down... after all thats what they get paid huge amounts of money for! lol

Take care and eat lots of chicken soup!

Darren

Posted 3/22/2008 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
A 104 degree temp is serious business, it can cause brain damage. Please see a doctor immediately! They have lots of different payment plans and even pots of money for folks who don't have insurance. You shouldn't have to suffer!
Posted 3/22/2008 5:15 AM (GMT 0)
That high of a temp needs to be looked at. I don't have insurance either but if I'm sick I go and you need to also. You're only going to make things worst on you.

We all love and want to know you are okay.

Roni
Posted 3/22/2008 9:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,
I'm so sorry you are ill, your temp is very high, is there someone checking in on you? A neighbour maybe?
Please take care and let us know how you are.

Gillian x
Posted 3/22/2008 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa

If your temp does not go down you really need to get yourself into the doctor.

Please let us know how you are doing.
Posted 3/22/2008 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi guys,

Thanks for all your concern, it means alot to me.  You guys are really the only people that I have, I have nobody around here to depend on to help me when I am this sick.  I know about the temp, but like I said, I am in debt and I am trying so hard to buy a car.  I know my health is more important than a car but really nothing seems important right now.

 

My temp has come down.  Over the night it was 101 which is considered an elevator temp but nothing that tylenol can take care of.  My temp this morning is 102.7, not as bad as yesterday.

 

Being sick really makes me depressed, hopeless and with the feeling of sheer sadness.  Alot of negative thoughts going through my head, they are driving me crazy, that adds to my nausea.

 

Tomorrow is Easter and I have no money to get my son anything.  I thought moving here would be better for my mental and financial needs but I just feel myself spiraling, so many worries.

 

Have a nice Easter, as for me I am back to bed.

Posted 3/22/2008 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

Money isn't everything, though I know you would love to buy him something. I know it is hard too because you don't feel well. Do you think that you are contagious? If not, I think that just being with your son would be wonderful. If you can't you can always make that up to him. So don't worry, just try to get well.

I hope that you have a nice holiday either way. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 3/23/2008 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry you aren't feeling well. I do hope the Tylenol or Motrin helps with your fever. I know what you mean about being in debt with doctors, I am still paying on one child's ER visit from many months ago and then my other child broke his foot Thursday night. We didn't think it was more than a sprain, so we decided to wait until Friday so we could go to a walk-in clinic (with a much lower copay)....darned if they weren't all closed because it was Good Friday so we ended up in the ER anyway! But, you need to do whatever it is to take care of yourself.

I am quite sure your son would be thrilled with a colored egg from the Easter Bunny....when money is tight we color our eggs using foods....my grandma taught us to boil the eggs with the darker onion skins to give a beautiful orange color. I only wish I could remember what it was we used to make the pretty blue, it was too light to have been berry juice, just cannot remember what it was.

Anyway, feel better and know we are all thinking of you.
Posted 3/23/2008 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
Happy Easter,

 

I feel somewhat better today, I should I have spent more time in my bed the last week that I wondered if I was ever going to feel better.  Another day of sunshine but cold.  I think about what summer will be like here, I am hoping that is not as bad as I think.  Just windows open so I can have a nice breeze through the house, but there is so much going on with living in the city, if I would have thought about that when I looked at it, I probably would not have taken but I didnt think about it because the inside is great plus there was another reason but that is no longer either.

 

I always said I believed God put me here because it is where I wanted to be, I ask him now, Why, when the very reasons I moved here are the things that make me depressed.

 

I know there is a reason for everything, but I would just to have piece of mine just one time for longer than a day or two.

 

Well going to see if I can find a fast food place to get something to eat.  Missing W and his family on days like this, I loved doing the things we did on holidays, now someone else has taken my place and here I sit because of my stupidity.

 

Have a good Easter.

Posted 3/23/2008 10:31 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Teresa,

Glad your feling a bit better today. I think we are all guilty of spending less time in bed when we are ill than we should do. I certainly dont spend enough time in bed... I get bored! lol

Living in the city has advantages and disadvantages... its a case of balancing the two and trying to be as happy as you can. I know you miss W a lot and that cannot help matters. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

All the best

Darren

Posted 3/23/2008 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

I am sorry that you are so lonely today. I know it is hard to be alone on the holidays, and that can really add to the depression. Just remember that we are here for you, so post at any time and I will too. I hope that your day gets brighter. As always you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 3/24/2008 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks you guys for all that you say~

You know I guess it is like this, I suppose in a way I have accepted the obvious things in my life even though it is the worst pain I have ever felt and the only thing that keeps me from going crazy is the mere thought of seeing him again, just to see him, I have accepted that he is no longer and hasnt been for a long time part of my life and I guess my wounds are healing but I still ache for him and I think I will for the rest of my days.

 

I have gotten used to the holidays being lonely.  After all I was thinking I have spent my favorite holiday by myself in mental anguish while others have not and it makes me angry because I dont know if I can ever celebrate valentines day again with ANYONE, that is how broken I am.

 

Well I am getting tired and I have convinced myself to go a look at a car tomorrow, probably setting myself up for another day of depression and lack of self-worth.

 

Oh well....................................................

Posted 3/24/2008 4:53 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Teresa,

I am so sorry that you are having such a sad day.  I really wish that you were feeling better.  I hope that you get the car that you want.  I know that it can be stressful.

When I read what you said about setting yourself up for another day of depression and a lack of self worth, it really makes me sad.  It is as if you are setting yourself up to fail.  I hope that you can find a better way to look at things in the future.  Try some self affirmation, it really does work.  I wish for you a brighter day.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 3/24/2008 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,

Today I am not feeling well again, I am starting to think that it is the depression that is making me feel this way.  My son is with me this week so I am trying to be less depressed.

 

I am truly glad another holiday is over I can barely take it anymore, I did have saltines for supper though, yum..................

 

I am having severe attacks of sleep too. I was sitting on the couch with my son and he was laughing and telling me that I was snoring.  Great, yet another medical issue, this is why I feel like I do, I just get tired of this.

 

I havent left yet to look at cars, once again procrastinating once again, over and over again.

 

 

Posted 3/24/2008 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
Just relax Teresa,

Do the car thing when you are ready. No forcing at this time. You are healing and that takes so much time, but is most important. Maybe you could take a nice walk with your son today and get a little fresh air. Or sit in that swing with him. I hope it isn't too cold there, it is here today. So darn sick of winter. I want spring so bad and it is taking so long to get here. Easter seemed way to early for me this year. It just didn't seem right to have it in March. Especially so early in March. The grandkids had an easter egg hunt and it was so cold and snowing. I remember flying kites on easter in tee shirts. Can't believe this long winter. I don't know where you live but I remember you talking about having to shovel your driveway. So I know that you have snow. We still have four foot snowbanks in the yard. Will this ever end?????

I hope you have a lovely time with your son this week.

Luv and hugs,
Karen
Posted 3/25/2008 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,

Unfortunately if I dont buy a car soon, this one will break down again and I dont have money to fix it, I put 450 dollars into it a little over a month ago and that was my downpayment, so needless to say not only do I not have a down payment, I cant find a car that I can afford, so I wish I could wait to buy but I am petrified that something else is going to go wrong woth it before I sell it.

 

I have nothing but salesman try to take advantage of me being s woman and it just makes me more depressed that I have to do this alone.

 

Time with my son has been good but stressful.  With me being sleepy so much, he and I dont spend alot of time together.  Tonight we are meeting my oldest daughter for dinner in Louisville.  I really dont have the money to spend but I cant tell her that, it would embarass me.  I know she is my daughter and she would understand but I cant do that.  Hopefully there are specials that arent expensive.

 

As far as the swing, it is freezing here so we really cant without getting sick again.

 

Well, here goes another day, havent heard about my job either, I am sure that I have been black-balled by the school and they will not hire me, another reason to feel depressed and worthless.

 

Sometimes I feel that I will never be happy, I mean really happy.

Posted 3/25/2008 5:40 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Teresa,

You must have weather like ours.  Today I was suppose to go and see my psycologist and we are getting a bad snow storm.  It is a total white out.  Then it is suppose to rain so we will probably have ice again.  I am so sick of it.  It is as if spring is never going to actually come.

I know how hard it is to be a woman looking for a car.  But stick to your guns, don't let those dealers cheat you.  I know how they can be, they always take advantage of women looking for an automobile.  I just hate that.  I don't trust them either.  I wish you luck with car hunting.

I hope that you feel better.  I know how hard it is for you Teresa.  We are always here for you for support.  But I wish I could be there in person to help you.  You can always email me if you need to talk.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 3/25/2008 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen,

It has been so very hard!  I just got home from visiting with my daughter.  She has been having some problems lately and tonight made me cry.  I dont really go into it, let's just say that I cried all the way home and I sit here now trying to figure out why my life is so hard right now, it is just about too overwhelming for me too handle, too much crap that I am going through with others and feeling alone and not trusting.

I have tried so hard to be strong but I am running out of enthusiasm and ready to quit.

 

I just wish someone could understand the pain and struggle I am going through.  I really have noone to talk with that I trust with my feelings and the people I do trust are hundred miles away.

 

I am thinking about picking up and moving to NC, I dont like living like this, I was so excited about this house and now I feel like it is a jail.

 

I am so sad and depressed.

Posted 3/25/2008 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

North Carolina is a nice state. I have people that live there. We have always wanted to go there and hunt emeralds. I guess the state is famous as for having some of the best emeralds. Plus other stones. I was there one winter back in the late 70's. It was nice there, then we come home to 2 feet of snow. But the mountains scared me a litttle bit. I guess the drive isn't as bad anymore as it was back then. I loved the country though. Just chicken of the mountain part. I would love to go back.

You know maybe this is something to think about. Do you have a lot of family down there? Maybe just to get away for a while and see how it feels. A vacation so to speak.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Luv and hugs Karen
Posted 3/26/2008 2:16 AM (GMT 0)

Teresa, you are so fortunate to have people in your life who need you. You have your son and I'm so sorry your daughter has serious problems--but you have two good reasons to get up every morning. Even if you don't see them all the time, you can keep them in your prayers during the day and night and do what you can for them when you see them.

Are you able to call them every day just to say hello without incurring long distance bills?

I too, am very alone, but I don't have the blessing of children in my life. People tell me I am fortunate because I don't have the problems that come with being a parent.

It was not by choice that I didn't have children and I disagree with friends who tell me this. I'm sure they say it just to make me feel better. I know none of them would wish their children away.

Hoping some good cheer comes into your life tomorrow.

Korissa

Posted 3/26/2008 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
I am extremely depressed today for many reasons, I have not been this depressed since August.  I know that there are people that need me but when you are this depressed, you just NEED someone that understands.  With all that is going on in my life right now with my sister being terminally ill, I will take a backseat to what my family is going through with her.

 

Do have to worry about me and doing something stupid?  If it werent for my sister fighting for her life and knowing how much she wants to live, that would be an easy decision right now. 

 

It just seems like things that are so hard for me to go through are nothing for other people.  This car thing is a big problem becuase as I get one I am heading down to nc to see her.

 

I am just  tired of being true to myself and keeping my faith but once again I am hanging by a thread once again, this thread is starting to break and it frightens me when I feel this bad.

 

I an sorry that you cannot have children and I feel that it is extremely calous of people saying what they say. Children are a lot of work and there are times when I question why I had them, but then I look at them and remember why. I was not born with the motherly instinct so imagine what I go through with that and depression.  It is so hard.

 

Well got to get back to my work.

Posted 3/26/2008 7:02 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Teresa,

i feel so bad for you feeling the way that you do.  I hope that you find a car and get to go and see your sister.  I know how much that means to you. 

Keep fighting, you have always been one strong lady with great faith.  I know that times are hard right now, but I think that you can over come this.

I never had children either.  People would act like I wasn't a complete woman, but I knew that I couldn't be a good mother.  So why put a child through that?  I was also not financially capable of raising a child.  Though others would say that I could find a way.  It isn't that easy.  I do have grandchildren though through my marraige and I love them dearly. 

I hope that you feel better soon.  I am praying for you as always.

hugs, Karen

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