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Posted 4/22/2008 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
hello
i have been dealing with depression for about 3 months.
it all started when i had a weird freak out one night in my room. i wasnt doing anything unusual, just watching tv. i was thinking about our new years party and how drunk i was. i then thought that all my mates must think im really stupid for making a idiot of myself, then i started thinking that all my friends hated me and i started to panic/freakout.
this went away after a bit but i just didnt feel right afterwards and for the next few days, it just felt like there was something wrong and i was not myself. then it happened again, and these panic attacks/freakouts were becoming more regular and were becoming more upsetting. i started thinking that killing myself was the only way i would feel better.
i went to the doctor and she put me on anti d's. i had real bad side effects off of them like feeling sick, not sleeping, shaking, dizzyness.
went back to the docs and she gave me some tablets to help me sleep.
it felt like i was in a pitch black room and i was runnign around tryin to find the dorr/way out but couldnt find it. its so hard to be strong and i jus felt like giving up.
now it doesnt feel pitch black anymore, it feels dark grey so i think im progressing. its still very difficult to deal with tho and i do have at least one 'bad moment' everyday. i am going to have councelling and i have been refered to a specialist.
i havnt had a weird freakout/panic attack for about 3 weeks now so the tablets have def helped with that as i used to have them near enough everyday.
my mood is still very low tho and i feel i have to fight sometimes to stay strong and im still not sleeping well without tablets.
i hope everyone is ok, and thank you for listening
love and light
xxx*
Posted 4/22/2008 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi pixie and welcome !!I know how you feel,i am depressed too ,feel free to share how you feel .Follow your meds and hope you have a nice specialist.Keep us posted.

Hugs
yana
Posted 4/22/2008 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Pixie,

I'm sorry yet another person has become depressed. It really is a horrible thing to go through. Depression is tough to get through on a day to day basis, but you can't stop fighting. Some days will seem like the worst days in your life, and they probably will be, but this is why we are here at hw to help each other to fight it. Everybody is here to listen. These are really some world class people here and they always think of choice words that always lift my mood and hopefully yours. don't give up. I almost did but i had these guys to help me through it. Hope you feel better,

Froggy

 

Posted 4/22/2008 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi pixie,

Welcome to Healing Well. I am so glad that you popped in. I think you will find it comforting here. The people are all so kind and compassionate.

It sounds like you are on the right track with counseling and medication. That is the way to go. And with our help you should be feeling better soon , I am sure.

Being that you are suffering panic attacks you might want to pop in and read on the anxiety and panic forum. You might find some situations similar to yours. You could also get some answers there.

In the meantime keep posting. We will try to help you all that we can.

Karen
Posted 4/22/2008 10:00 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell!

It sounds like perhaps your mind has let go of a repressed thought and it has hit you hard. We have all (including myself) done things when we were drunk which were embarrasing... your mates have probably done similar things which were just as embarrasing. Have you tried talking to them about this? They probably havnt even given it a second thought but worrying about it will only re-inforce the idea so its best to sort it out sooner rather than later.

Darren

Posted 4/22/2008 8:48 PM (GMT 0)

thank you all for being so kind.

hte thing is these 'panic attacks' im having are not like a 'normal' attack. they are more of a mental thing and i dont hyperventilate or anything, i just really freakout and my mind starts racing and thinking all sorts of things and i dont know how to make it stop.

also i have mentioned making a fool of myself at new year to my mates and yes they havnt given it a second thought, at the time of the 'attack' i really thought they all hated me.

i didnt sleep very well at all last night couldnt get to sleep untill abot 3.30am and even then it didnt feel like i had slept if you know what i mean? i didnt go to bed untill 1.00am anyway in an attempt to try and make my mind relax and become tired but that didnt work and by then it was too late to take a sleeping tablet cuz i had to try and get up early in the morning to get a lift with my mate to my grans on his way too work.

the thing is, i feel physically and mentally tired but my mind just wont switch off and i find myself frowning and gritting my teeth cuz im concentrating so much on trying to sleep, and then wen i try to relax, that still doesnt work.

i hope everyone is ok, and thank you again

love xxx*

 

Posted 4/22/2008 9:01 PM (GMT 0)

I know what you mean. Sometimes i dont get to bed until 00:30 ~ 01:00 and even then it can take me hours to go to sleep. When I wake in the morning, I feel really rough because I dont feel like I have been asleep. I can only assume I wake up constantly during the night and I dont remember

Posted 4/22/2008 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
yeah i mean i know know i was asleep because i had a few dreams, all really weird one, but it take me so long to get to sleep that i dont know when i have fallen asleep and wen i wake up it doesnt feel like i have been asleep you know?
xxx*
Posted 4/22/2008 9:10 PM (GMT 0)
I know what you mean. The only way to combat it that I have found is to completely wear myself out mentally before going to bed (doing uni work or something) and then I feel like I have had a good nights sleep. Insomnia is a problem with the AD I take, like most so I guess its a bit of an occupational hazard!

Posted 4/22/2008 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
yeah i reckon the ad's i take have something to do with my lack of sleep.
im cureently studying astrology but i just cant concentrate enough to do anywork because i cant take it in, my mind jus isnt focused.
i think im gonna take up running, just to see if that make any difference, iv heard that exercise can really help.
love
xxx*
Posted 4/22/2008 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Have you guys ever tried any meditation? By relaxing your muscles one by one from head to toe and focus on your breathing? It helps me, also I try to force my eyes to stay open and that works too. Kind of a reverse psycology on yourself. The muscle relaxation works good because you are focusing on each muscle and relaxing it and it takes your mind off of the other things. Also sometimes when I can't shut my mind off I take risperdol. That helps with obsessive thinking.

Hope this helps some
hugs Karen
Posted 4/22/2008 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
Exercise is good for wearing yourself out and is also good for depression since it releases endorphines into the bloodstream. Give it a try and see what happens. I am a psychology student so I know what you mean about not being able to take things in.

Posted 4/22/2008 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
i have tried meditating and concentrating on my breath but my mind just races and i cant do it for long. i feel like i have tried everything but only the tablets seem to work.
i think part of my problem is lack of sleep because not sleeping is a huge bundle of stress in itself.
thank you for your advice tho and i am going to try meditation again.
i used to do it alot before i became ill and it used to help lots.
love and light
xxx*
Posted 4/22/2008 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
I still practice meditation... I use music to help me relax into a 'mind rhythm'. Something like jungle sounds, ocean waves, thunder storms etc... Give it a go and if it doesnt work for you, you havnt lost anything. It suits some people and not others. I guess it depends on how your mind works.

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