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Posted 5/1/2008 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone.

    Nothing seems to be going right at all. My parents are very controlling. They told me I can't go see my friends in Michigan tomorrow (eventhough I'm 23). They monitor to make sure that I'm not on the computer at night. They call me alot during the day to make sure I'm studying for that class in grad school that I failed.

    Last week I started talking to my ex-bf again (after not talking to him for 3 months). He was nice to me for about a week. Then yesterday I sent him a picture and asked him if he liked it. I waited about an hr... then asked again.. no response. Then I saw on facebook he was responding to my friend (also his friend) right away like within an hr after she sent him an online message. I immediately started crying. He was doing the same behavior.. treating his other friends better by responding to them right away and waiting forever to respond to me (eventhough I know he got my messages). I called him 3 times.. no answer. I sent him about 7 or 8 texts telling him to please answer me and why is he not answering me all day? No answer. I then texted my friend (who he responded to right away earlier) if she could ask him why he's not responding to me. She did text him. about an hr later he responded to me saying he was very angry with me and too angry to talk to me for awhile. He said that I'm back to being my old crazy self again by freaking out if he doesn't get back to me right away and I haven't changed much and that I got someone else involved. I texted him and told him I flipped out because he took forever to respond to me and he responds to his other friends in a reasonable amount of time. I also texted that until he's ready to be nice and treat me well I don't want him talking to me. During this time I was with my friend at a bar and just started crying. I couldn't enjoy myself at the bar because of what he said to me. Then when I got home I cried some more and texted him about 5 times asking him how long it would be for him to be ready to talk to me, and if one week was ok..but he didn't respond. I don't know what to do. I'm so sad. I thought we were on good terms again..but I always freak out when I see him responding to other friends right away. It's like he's doing it on purpose to get me upset. I don't understand. Advice please. I don't know when I should talk to him again.

Posted 5/1/2008 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hiya,

I think I get a little bit like this at times aswell, I've been with my boyfriend for a year & I really stress him out by being dead demanding and getting upset if he doesn't reply to me straight away n stuff, I think I just need the attention & get jelous that he;s giving other people attention rather than me, but at the end of the day, thats how men are I think, sometimes they just need a little bit of space and it isn't anything personal at all, thats just how they are - and us girls are the way we are as in like constant contact!! I think - like me you need to relax a little bit more, just coz he isn't giving you his undivided attention doesn't mean your not on his mind, I think your going to drive this guy away if you don't hold back a little bit!!! as I am going to drive my boyfriend away also!!! it's so much easier to look at this sort of situation from the outside!!
Posted 5/1/2008 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks. I just keep crying. I've been crying all morning. I texted him 4 times this morning asking him when he'll be ready to talk to me and he hasn't responded. I feel horrible.
Posted 5/1/2008 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
I can relate as well..
Its hard after the initial break up to adjust to the not constant contact. I don't know how long your relationship was..but its so easy to get attached and dependant on the person. Hell i got so attached to this one guy a week into our relationship. It was a month long relationship and it took me a year to get over him. And we're supposedly on good terms now.. but on msn he has me blocked. at first it upset me... but not anymore. i could care less. With time.. you'll fully heal and be over your ex and u wont need the constant contact and these things won't bother u as much. but it all takes time. its hard to deal with now but it does get easier. And if he said ur back to ur crazy self.. hes deff not worth ur time. Ur not crazy. just give it time :) This is why i hate relationships..cuz the end of them is unbearable.

As for your parents. WOW. ur 23 yrs old and ur not allowed to be on the computer at night? wow i have no comment. that is just sooo...whats the word...dumb. I don't really have much advice because my parents arent controlling..i pretty much do what i want and im 19. But im sure u've tried talking to them already right? and reminding them that u are an ADULT and you need ur space. If i were u i would go to michigan anyways. would they totally flip out if u went against their word? I'm not sure if you still live with ur parents or not.. im assuming u do if they have this much control over u. Parents just don't get it sometimes :| Ur 23.. ur supposed to be spreading ur wings to fly and making ur own decisions. Im sure they just care about u a lot.. but im sure it can get suffocating. Good luck with ur class :) And hopefully u convince ur parents to letting u go to michigan tomorrow!
Posted 5/1/2008 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi. Thanks for the support. I don't even know if I want to go to Michigan anymore because my ex is there. I'm not even in the mood to hang out with friends anymore. I broke up with this guy 3 and a half years ago because my parents didn't like him. They told me if I didn't break up with him they would disown me and not let me back at home. We were friends with benefits until about September. It was an on again off again kind of friendship since we broke up. Ever since we broke up he gets mad about the same thing.. me contacting him too much. I left him alone from end of November until about last week... so then he was fine. It's been this cycle for the past 3 years. I am over him romantically but I just want to be his friend again. And I want him to contact me in a timely matter just how he does his other friends. He said he's too angry to talk to me for awhile. All I want to know is how long "awhile" is for him. I texted him 4 times this morning wanting to know when he'll be ready to talk and he didn't respond. I keep crying.
Posted 5/1/2008 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
wow 3 years? ok i didnt know. i dunno its sounds like hes just being a jerk now. was he hurt when u ended it with him because of ur parents? i dunno maybe hes having trouble gettin over u and maybe thats why he doesnt want contact. im not sure. its hard being friends after a relationship. maybe it would be good for u to go to michigan and have a one on one conversation with him explaining all of this. that way hed be forced to talk to u. maybe he just doesnt get what u want from him. men r so confusing. i dont understand why hes so angry at u though. u did nothing wrong? u just want to be his friend. he should be welcoming another friend in his life. just give it time i guess... hopefully it works out. in the mean time be strong and try to keep busy so ur not always thinking about him. try life out the next couple of days without contacting him.. see how life is without him in it.. maybe with time it wont be that bad ...just the initial blow is hard. its so darn hard but maybe letting go is what u should be focusing ur strength on instead of texting him . Ugh.. he doesnt seem like hes worth ur friendship
Posted 5/1/2008 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
I could tell he was mad when I did end it with him, but he got over me fast. I know he's over me. I know if I go to Michigan, he won't want to talk. He doesn't want to talk to me for awhile he said. I don't know how long that is. I seriously just want to know how long. I am so sad. We were friends on and off again the past 3 years. He always gets angry if I contact him too much. I dont know what to do. I just want to know how much space he needs and he's not telling me! :-( Seriously that's all I can think about.
Posted 5/2/2008 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
I have been down in the dumps. My parents wake me up at 8 am wanting me to study the class I failed in grad school. But I don't want to get up that early. I'm 23 years old. They can't set my schedule for me.

 I don't start my summer job til Monday and they are on my case saying I'm going to be a bum on the street. Keep in mind, I have a Biology degree and just failed 1 out of the 10 classes in grad school. I have been given the opportunity to come back but they don't think I can make it when I go back. I haven't been studying much since I've been home.. I've just been sad about alot of things. I gave up contacting my ex. He told me he's too angry to talk to me for awhile so I guess I should just wait. I texted him about 10 times 2 nites ago and about 5 times yesterday asking how long awhile is...like when we could talk again one week? two weeks? He didn't respond. I hope I didn't scare him off. So then I texted him saying I'm sick of begging and when he's ready to treat me well like he does his other friends to contact me. The friend who I had asked to ask him why he wasnt answering mea few night ago kind of got annoyed with me because I texted her alot about how I was feeling and she was at work. She posted to someone she worked with how many times I texted her.. and as soon as I saw that I got upset. I thought she was my friend. The only reason I texted her that much was to tell her what was going on with my ex and I couldnt type everything in one text. I then texted my ex and said that my friend was a b*** and how I was even more mad at her than I was at him.. but then I texted him saying never mind that I worked things out with her and that to contact me when he's ready to treat me well. That's the last thing I said to him last night. I hope he contacts me soon. I worked things out with my friend who I thought was a b***. I realized she wasn't mad at me just she was at work. Well she could have told me she couldnt talk now and to talk to me later. She said shes not mad at me just was annoyed because I was texting her everything going on with my ex and she was overwhelmed by the messages :-( I don't want to be a nuissance to people. I feel so worthless. Whenever I get upset about my ex or my family I overwhelm a friend with messages because I have to let my feelings out. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope my ex talks to me again. He got annoyed with my texts too.. but the only reason I did that was because he was responding to his other friends within and hr and taking forever to respond to me. I knew he wasnt treating me like he does his other friends. Should I just wait for him to contact me? Advice please! :-( I'm so sad.

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/2/2008 9:40:00 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/2/2008 4:08 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Confused,

It isn't cool to be texting people while they are at work.  They have a job to do and that is how they earn their money.  If you keep interupting them, they could lose their job.  When you go to your new job, you can't be texting people all day long.  You are there to work.  I hope that you are ready for that.  You have to start setting your priorities straight.  Your job and school.  You are 23 years old, remember, you have to be an adult.  And hanging with the friends isn't a part of that anymore.  It is to a degree, but work and school comes first.  I have to be honest and tell you to get used to it being this way.  You want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like one.  It is time Confused to get with the program.  That is why you feel like you are being a burden to your friends, because you don't have your own life, meaning responsibilities.  So sweetie, you will be respected much more if you get on with your own life.  I wish that you could see it for what it is.

As for your x...You are pushing him away.  He says he doesn't want to talk to you for a while.  He doesn't know how long, there are no limits to that.  It is for however long he decides.  He will let you know when the time is right.  But if you keep texting him too.  You will lose him as a friend.  Obviously he isn't appreciating you contacting him right now. You need to respect that. 

I know that this is hard, but, you have to realize that you are an individual, with some responsibilities.  You need to make that your new life.  You need to study and work.  I can't really blame your parents for wanting you to do something with your life.  It isn't an easy world out there out from under mom and dad's roof.  I am serious.  You want to live comfortably, then you need to take some responsibility and study and work so that you can do as such.  Otherwise it can be a hard road to go.  Ask some of the people here who can't barely make ends meet.  It is not easy out there confused.  Not at all.  We want you to make a life for yourself so that you can be happy.  It takes work and you have the opportunities a lot of others don't have.  Go for it girl!

I know that I am sounding harsh, but I see you doing the same things over and over, and that hurts you.  Are you still going to counseling?  I sure hope so.  Your counselor should be giving you some direction by now.  You have the tools, and I want to see you succeed.  The only reason that I am saying all of this is because I think that you are a wonderful person, with a good head on your shoulders.  YOu are smart.  You can make it, but it is going to take some effort on your part.  Study till you know the book inside and out if you have to.  Work your fingers to the bones, as they say.  You have to do that now, so you can live comfortably and be happy later.  That is what life is about.  So just do it.  You can and we all know you can.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 5/2/2008 4:25 PM (GMT 0)
I am starting my job on Monday. It's a summer job. My friend's job is a summer job too. She told me she was at work but she told me she could still text at work. She never told me she couldn't. Then hours later she told me she was annoyed. If she would have told me that minute I would have left her alone but while I was texting she told me she could talk! I do take charge or my responsibilities. If I didn't care I wouldn't have gotten a job. Do you think my ex will talk to me again if I leave him alone and don't you think I did right by being upset with him since he responds to his other friends faster than me and ignored me on purpose that day?
Posted 5/2/2008 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Heej!

To answer your last question, maybe. I don't know your ex, but I do know that someone asking for attention can be very annoying for a male. Sometimes you don't feel like talking, and reminders will only make you want to ignore that person more.

As for your parent, accept them the way they are, and after you have done that, you can try to make things better. If you can accept them, no matter how hard, you will find that they don't be as irritating as they were before.

If you think you actually can accept youre parents, I'll be here to answer any of your questions.

By the way, try to type :) smileys all over your message, it made me smile when I was depressed (although it can be very irritating :) ).
Posted 5/2/2008 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
Wayen answered the question well. It is what I am trying to say. But take it from somebody who would know. Guys don't like being texted all of the time. And the more that you push, the farther away they are going to go. So if you want to salvage this friendship, I would say leave him alone until he calls you.

That is as clear as I can make it. If he answers others faster, then that is his business. It is his call. Unless you want to lose the friendship, then by all means call him.

People are attracted to people who do their own thing. The busier that you are, the better. So good luck on your new job. I hope that you like it.

hugs, Karen
Posted 5/2/2008 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Very good advice from getting by. I really think if you truly want advice from others then really think hard about some of getting by's ideas. If you just want support, then you probably shouldn't end your posts with "I need advice" because I get the feeling you aren't interested in any of our ideas, which is fine, support is good too.

Btw, you have to move on. It is something that is difficult with people you love (parents, ex boyfriends, etc). The past can slow down your progression into your bright future.

I was going to answer with a yet another warm, huggy response, but the truth is sometimes not warm nor huggy. Though I did add a few smiley faces :) Good luck with your summer job!
Posted 5/3/2008 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hey thanks. Eventhough I tried texting yesterday and he didn't respond, I've stopped. If he wants to be friends he can contact me. I did not contact him at all today. I understand and do listen and will follow your advice. I just don't know why I became so attached sometimes. It makes me so sad/angry knowing other friends are more important to him than me because I shared so much with him and we fell in love. Getting by I feel like you're mad at me. I hope you're not. I just did want support and advice. I don't want you to think I'm lazy and crazy getting by because I'm not. I just don't know why I act like this sometimes when I have a crying spell.
Posted 5/3/2008 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
There is no way that I could ever be mad at you. I just want you to use your full potential. You are smart and you have a lot of options. You have a ton of potential. I hate to see you waste it chasing after people that just blow you off. So please understand that I want the best for you.

You can put that energy into your new job and be ready for college, that is going to be your future.

Also I don't want to see you set yourself up to get hurt over again. You mean a lot to everybody here and none of us want to see you get hurt or be sad. So give it all you got and keep moving forward. Because we are all behind you.

hugs Karen
Posted 5/3/2008 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks getting by. I really appreciate it. I will try my best in school and not beg for people who blow me off.
Posted 5/3/2008 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
You will be happy that you did. You will do well in life with your education. And I think you will enjoy having a job. Plus you will make other friends with your new job and with school.

Make sure that you let us know how everything goes. We are always here for you. Don't forget that.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/3/2008 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you. Do you think I got mad for no reason? Or do you think I had a right to get mad because I texted him in the morning and he responded to a friend who sent him a message 2 hrs after me online? The way I see it, you shouldn't blow off your friends. Especially when you know they are sensitive (like me). I try to respond to all my friends when I'm not busy. And I know he wasn't busy because he had the time to respond to our mutual friend while I was texting him asking him if he was there. I KNEW he was there but ignoring me on purpose because he was on his computer and usually has his phone with him. He would have seen my text from the morning or heard me call him. Whenever I am sad about how he treats me and tell him other friends don't do some of the things he does to me, he tells me it's not my business or right to tell him what friendship is. Whenever I defend myself or get angry he tells me he doesn't want to talk to me for awhile. Nothing is ever his fault. He never apologized to me ever. He thinks everything is my fault. I'm just wondering if you think I had a logical reason to be upset with him. I was hurt because I knew he was ignoring me on purpose. I felt like trash.


Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/2/2008 10:05:02 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/3/2008 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi confused,
DON'T BE confused.sounds strange but we women give everything for what just for some love .Now look what he's trying to tell you by his actions and behavior.
Its LOUD AND CLEAR--he 's just not that into you.period.
WE give them benefit of doubt but they will walk all over you sister.

i am in no position to give you sound advice as myself in crappy situation with a Bipolar BF.

just my 2 cents

Rest life will teach you sooner or later !!

So nice n warm HW buddies giving you excellent piece of advice ,keep that in mind.
anytime you need us we are just a click away.
keep me posted !!
hugs
yana
Posted 5/3/2008 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you yana and underthebus.
Yana- I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. He makes it seem like it's my fault that I got upset and texted so much. I know I got carried away with the texts a few days ago but I was just so mad at him. It shows he doesn't care about me as a friend like I thought he did.

Underthebus- Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I am not going to contact him until he contacts me. Even end of November when we got in a fight I didn't talk to him for 3 months but I initiated contact last week. Well not anymore. If he really cares about me and feels bad for blowing me off on Wednesday he'll contact me. And actually ask about my life and how I'm doing instead of asking me to send him dirty videos to his cell phone. He needs to learn that he can't blow me off and talk to me whenever it is convenient for him. My other friends don't do that. I never drove by his house or anything, but once a few yrs ago when we got in a fight I knocked on his door and he wouldn't let me in. He knew I was crying outside but refused to let me in. Then 2 months later he was fine again and wanted to sleep with me. That's how it's been ever since I broke up with him 3 years ago. Periods of being nice and hanging out with me, and getting intimate with me and then periods of calling me crazy and telling me to leave him alone when I get emotionally attached.

I know it's hard. I think about him alot, but I deserve a guy who doesn't blow me off and is nice one day and ignores me the next.
Thanks for all your support. I'll let you know how it goes.
Posted 5/3/2008 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
So I texted him one last time today asking when he'll talk to me again. He didn't answer. So I then texted that I won't ask again and when he's ready to contact me then he should. I also said sorry for texting him so much that day but I was upset with him because I knew he was ignoring me on purpose. I'm so sad. I just want to know when he'll talk to me again.     :-( Why do you think he treats his other friends better? Is it because they don't seem desperate like I do?

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 5/3/2008 2:12:00 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/6/2008 12:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi. I have not contacted him for 2 days. And I don't plan on contacting him until he contacts me. I do not want to seem like a fool. Yes I was obsessed with him but I'm not obsessed with any other areas of my life. I think about him less because I've started a new job and it keeps me busy. I am going to let him come to me if he wants to be a friend. I am doing better and I do see a counselor every 2 weeks.

Posted 5/7/2008 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
confusedgirl22, hey how are you today? I'm going to be honest and say that I only read the first post and a few of the last replys but here's what I have to give you,

 

I'm 18 years old and I use to do everything you did, when I was sixteen I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of a year and a half and we stayed together for about 6 months afterwards but when we broke up it was because of me. I practically lived with him and I knew all his friends and I use to hang out with him at his job because it was owned by our mutal friend yet I would call and text him like crazy if we weren't together after a few hours, and he wouldn't text back right away, I use to get so worked up always thinking "omg did i do something wrong, why isn't he texting back, is he mad at me, what the heck he's going to break up with me, what should i do." and i would just stress my self out to no end, just to have him come back and apologize. we eventually broke up he was moving about an hour away and I couldn't go with him due to school, but when we broke up I was devastated, i texted him every hour of every day and it drove him away he ended up blocking me out of his life for a few months, because i was driving him crazy he needed space and its not what i wanted and it just tore us apart.... about a year after we broke up i was finally over him i was still talking to his friends, but i had a new boyfriend and one day he just, he called me up and said hey i hear your doing good and i miss you, i just want us to be friends again, nothing more though, and i jumped for joy i was like OMG YEAH!!! lol.... my point is by texting him and calling him so much your scaring him away and hurting your self... don't let him think he own's you delete his number from your phone dont call him because you know his number by heart and just forget about him for now the more you contact him the more he knows you still want him or need him and if thats the idea you give him than hes going to think he can have you back no matter what, cut him out your life, when he decides to come to you keep it to a min, "hey how are you?, good thats cool" and just don't let him know you still want him even if you do, after a month of small talk turn it into a friendship and if in that friendship he shows signs of wanting to be with you make him prove to you he wants you, tell him you need to know its real and that he won't hurt you again or that he's not just playing uou... if he asks you how he's suppose to prove it to you, than he's really not even worth your time.

 

you seem like a nice girl just looking for someone to love and care for you, keep up with the counsiling and not contacting him you will be fine, time heals all. if you ever need to talk i'm always here... usually in the bipolar board but i'll come here to check in and see how your doing. keep me posted, please.

Posted 5/7/2008 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you underthebus and bringmebackhome. I haven't contacted him since Saturday and I don't plan on contacting him. If he contacts me then I will just play it to a minimal level. I won't get overly excited. Bringmeback home, thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you found a new guy and I'm glad you understand what I'm going through since you did the same thing as me. I'm glad your ex started talking to you again. I think mine will too (he said he wouldn't talk to me for awhile) he never said he would never talk to me again. I just want him to be my friend. I know he doesn't like me in that way anymore. I don't either but if he did change and treated me well 100 percent of the time I wouldn't mind giving him another chance. But i would be happy just being his friend. Underthebus, thanks for your support too. I'm working at an eye doctor's office for the summer before I go back to optometry school end of July.
Posted 5/7/2008 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Confused,

I am so proud of you. I am glad that you are working in an eye doctors office. How do you like it? It sounds interesting. What do you do there? I am really happy for you. I didn't realize that you were going for optomitry. I thought it was a regular doctor. Kudos for you!!!!!!!!!!

hugs, Karen
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