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Posted 4/23/2008 2:29 PM (GMT 0)

bionca,

I am so proudof you and how you are handling this.  You are doing everything you can to prepare for your husbands return home as well as takin care of you.

Know we are here and we support you so do not be afraid to vent, talk, cry, laugh or whatever it takes to get you through this stressful time.  You will make it a we are standing right beside you.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt

Posted 4/23/2008 6:27 PM (GMT 0)

Im so pleased that you have found something that makes you feel better and i'm sure the dog likes it too! I think the journalling is a great idea... as you have found, dreams make much more sense to us when we re-read then in the morning. You are putting in so much hard work and I am really pleased that you are able to do it for yourself and for your husband.

Remember (As Kitt has already pointed out) we are always here.

Darren

Posted 4/23/2008 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
You're darned right you can look people in the eye now without shame!!!! You have done absolutely everything in your power to make things right and there is NO shame in that. Walk with your head high and soak up the sun!
Posted 4/23/2008 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Bionca,

I take my dogs for a walk everyday.  I look forward to it and so do they.  It is nice, I walk each of them around the block and see people.  It is easy to talk to them by saying hello and conversations are usually short.  To me it is like therapy for all of us.  I am glad that you went and enjoyed it.:)

I hope that you have a wonderful evening.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 4/24/2008 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone. Well, I ended up picking my husband up today instead of tomorrow, because of the insurance thing. It's awkward and there's alot of anxiety for both of us. I took him for a haircut and I got my eyebrows waxed while we were there. We needed to do some shopping and then went to McDonald's for lunch. He was having some trouble dealing with people in general so we came home. That's o.k. I can understand that. Here's where I'm having some trouble. He unpacked downstairs in the living and like I said, we've been doing stuff all morning. Now he has to go lay down and rest while I clean up the living room along with the rest of the house. He sensed I was upset. I told him I understood things were hard for him but they've been hard for us here at home too and I thought that maybe I would start catching a break too. Our son is going to be home from school in a half hour and that usually means anywhere from 1-5 friends along with him and we have nothing done in the house. Do you guys think I'm expecting too much too soon? Also, I don't think he realizes just how painstaking this has been for me and our son and I'm having a really hard time staying calm about it all.
Posted 4/24/2008 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
I think that it is going to take a while for him to see things in the light that you do. He is dealing with a serious illness and that is problably what is on his mind right now. Though he will have to realize that life goes on and he will have to adjust to you and your son's lifestyle. So I would make sure that he conforms to the norm so to speak, but I would give him a little time to get with the picture. Fighting addiction isn't easy, but it will be good if he were to try and stay busy. That is probalby the best thing at this point, maybe you could offer suggestions on some projects around the house. Otherwise he will feel useless and bored, and that is something that you don't want.

This isn't going to be easy, you will have to take things one day at a time, but I think that the meetings are going to help you and your husband. Also we are here for you, so make sure that you keep posting. I think that being able to vent will really be helpful to you. Like I said, we are here for you and care about you very much. You are a lot stronger than you think and you are kind and compassionate. That is what is needed right now in your relationship, but you might have to use a little tough love too. Just remember we are here backing you and want to support you through this hump in the road.

Keep posting,

Many hugs, Karen
Posted 4/29/2008 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
We had a pretty bad night last. My husband was really craving and it was really hard to get thru, but somehow, we made it. I know he's trying so hard. He really needs to start NA, but I'm having trouble getting him there. He's driving me crazy actually, everything he says is to make me happy, "if you think so honey" "if you want to" "whatever you decide". It's like he's putting everything on my shoulders and that's not what I want. I want him to start making some decisions of his own. I can't be the "rock" every single second. He's afraid I'm still gonna leave him. It's just that all his butt kissing is driving me insane. I'm trying not to be critical and I'm trying to cut him some slack. It's just all so hard. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Posted 4/29/2008 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
HI Bionca,
"if you think so honey" I would tell him that I think you need to start NA. There is so much support there and he really needs the extra help.

I can only imagine what you are going through and how taxing this is on you. Maybe it is time to give him a little ultimatum. I hate to say that but maybe that would get him to go. Tell him that you will go with him the first time if he needs.

I feel for you, it is hard to live with an addict. But it is just another disease and that is difficult. But if he went to NA they could be there for him with the right answers when he is getting these cravings. It is a hard fight and I know that you are growing weary of it. Just keep holding on and try to do nice things for yourself. Things that will relieve the stress that you are going through.

Keep up the good work, but don't wear yourself down. You are a wonderful person, someone else may have left long ago, but you just keep hanging in there and you will be blessed for that.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/2/2008 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Bionca, I hadn't received an email from you in a few days then it finally dawned on me that you may have come here (big DUH on my part).

Yes, getting him to those meetings is highly important. Everyone there is an ex-addict and I know someone will offer to sponsor him so he can call them any time he has a craving and they can talk him down. He has to do that to take SOME pressure off of you.
Posted 5/3/2008 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Let me just throw this out here because I need to know what you guys think. I'm exhausted. My husband has been running me ragged fixing his trucks and getting our business running again.  My average day has been starting anywhere from 5 to 7 a.m. in the morning and I'm not getting done with all my stuff until about 9, 10, 11 p.m. at night. Everything is either for him or about him and quite frankly I'm too pooped to pop. This morning he had me up at 4:45 a.m. He wanted to go fishing with a friend and his brother again. I have no problem with dropping him off, but here's the kicker. He thinks he's gonna take my camaro fishing. My problem with that is this, you're not making my car smell like fish or wild game and he doesn't take very good care of this vehicles. So, that's what started this morning's arguement. Then, his big thing was that the house wasn't clean. He was throwing a temper tantrum like a kid. Here's my theory, my husband just made 3 weeks of being clean and I think he wants to get high more than ever right now. I think the whole arguement thing is so that he has an excuse to do just that and I think he's running me ragged so he can ware me down.
Posted 5/3/2008 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Grrr at him. Hello when have you had time to get things gone.. If he wants the house clean then maybe he should stay home and help you?

I actually "requested" that my b/f leave for the weekend and spend time with his parents,he was nagging and griping and driving me crazy!!

I hope that he does not do anything stupid, you stay strong,take deep deep breaths and let us know how you are doing.
Posted 5/3/2008 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Bionca,

When my first husband quit drinking, he went fishing everyday. It seems to relax them. I guess it has to do with being out with nature. But he didn't go with the people that he drank with previously. He pretty much went by himself. But it did take his mind off of his habit. So maybe it is a good thing, unless you think that he is doing things with his friend and brother. I hope not. Has he been going to his NA meetings? I really hope so. I wish you the best of luck with this. Keep us posted.

hugs, Karen
Posted 5/5/2008 11:57 AM (GMT 0)

Unforunately, my husband still hasn't started NA. He has, however, been focusing really hard on getting his trucks, equipment, and chainsaws running properly. He's got some really big jobs lined up already and he's really excited about working again. It's his mentality that's concerning me right now. Sometimes (alot) I feel like I'm dealing with a young teenager. I'm trying really hard to be understanding about our whole situation. It's not easy. I find myself scolding him like a kid and I'm really trying not to do that. It isn't good for him or me. I'm the wife not the mother, right?? My son has returned to the young man I am so very proud of. I think when his Dad returned home from rehab it was yet another transition for our son.  Perhaps, that explains his behavior. Our son really had to be adult about things while his father was away. Maybe he just needed some time to be a kid. He's going to be 18 in May. It's a tough age. You aren't a kid and you aren't really an adult. No one seems to understand that I need some down time. I keep trying to do something small for myself everyday, but I find this difficult. I take comfort in the fact that I'm always welcome here. It's kind of like a safe haven for me. I can tell you guys just how I feel about whatever and it really is o.k.

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