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Posted 6/10/2008 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
I am a single mother and have been divorced for over 7 years.After my divorce i wrapped my self around my three children and completely dedicated my self to their well being and happiness.Their father was removed from the family after many years of mental abuse to the children and i.He had a long term relationship with another woman which he flaunted shamelessly infront of the children and myself .With little money and little support i soldiered on making a living any way i could ,loving my children ,finding fun things to do which did not require alot of money.We made it through with many bumps a long the way.However my older children are now out of high school at work and college and it is the youngest child and me most of the time.I find i cling to my older twin daughters for emotional support and crying when they leave.I have unusual expectations of them i know as they are teenagers in college and working ready to live thier own lives.They are comforting and mature and try to be as available to me as they can.I am now experiencing a lot of emotional distress and deep sadness longing to have my children back needing me again.I am very depressed now and feel like i never really moved on,i have never really dated or even made new friends .I am not sure what to do i often think i might need to move and let the girls go on and carve out a new life for me and my youngest child.I hope someone can answer i cry all the time i am so lost.
Posted 6/10/2008 11:47 AM (GMT 0)
Kerry

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum, We are very glad that you are here.

Wow, I almost think I wrote your post about 6 years ago. I to have been divorced for a very long time,went through a very abusive marriage.
I had 2 kids that are now 18 and 21.

I miss them,and hate it when they have to leave,but it does get better.
What I think you might be experiencing is the "empty nest syndrome". It happens to good moms.

I think that you should contact your doctor,and find out what he thinks.
Here is a survey that you can fill out ,and even take to him if you feel comfortable..this helps with some of your questions.
www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/2200/2276.asp?index=9314
I have been thinking about getting a dog,something to "mother'... do you have a pet?

Please keep talking.
Posted 6/10/2008 12:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kerry,

Take a deep breath and relax. I think Shy is right on, empty nest syndrome. You come accustomed to having things a certain way and when it is time for them to leave, it is hard on you. Well you still have one daughter home and you can enjoy that for a while.

Soon it will be time to make a life for yourself. No reason to wait actually. So start doing some things for yourself, self nurturing and such and see where that takes you. This is your time and you deserve. It sounds like you have been a very good mother. You deserve the best life can offer.

Also welcome to Healing Well. You definately came to a good place. We are all very supportive of eachother.

Have a wonderful day,
hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/10/2008 4:02 PM (GMT 0)

Kerry

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  You have received great advice and I just dropped in to welcome you on board.  Please keep posting and know you will find many more wonderful members here.

Hugs to you
Kitt

Posted 6/11/2008 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much for you responses,just hearing that there are other people out there that understand really helps.Any suggestions on starting out again this feels like a new beginning except i am older and wiser so places i might go at 25 are not optional.what do you think of singles clubs or internet dating ,to me it is a little scary.Hugs to you all Ann
Posted 6/14/2008 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
Kerry reading your post reminded me so much of myself. I too was divorced - 25 yrs. ago! My kids were very young. Now they are 29 and 34. My 34 yr old son lives with me right now as he has epilepsy. He is very stable right now and I am trying hard to get him independent so I can move on with my life. My younger son has a condo in the city and will be getting married in about a year. It is very hard to let go of your children especially when you are divorced. It's as if you rely on them for emotional help. I think you are experiencing empty nest syndrome and it is very hard to let your children go but you must. They are growing up and need to have lives of their own. It is not easy to let go. Do you work? If not have you thought about being a volunteer at some organization or taking classes or finding a new hobby? Also, a church group is a good place to meet people. I am just trying to think of things that might get you started. I am a volunteer at a Senior center which I find very rewarding. And this week I got asked out by an 89 yr old man! I didn't accept as he is old enough to be my father. But you see if expose yourself to more people on the outside you may be less likely to rely so much on your kids. Life does go on and as hard as it is we have to do the best we can to improve ourselves. Take slow steps to change your life and it will be easier. I never thought I would survive a divorce with a 9 mo old and 5 yr old. But I decided I could sink or swim so I tried as hard as I could and made it thru. Life still isn't easy and I suffer from depression but I try to keep busy and just take things as they come. Please keep posting. We all are here on this forum to help one anorher.
Aurora
Posted 6/18/2008 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora thank you for your advice every bit helps.I must say you sound like a wonderfull person and you too must have been very strong.Since it has been 25 years i am curious were you ever remarried or had a strong relationship just curious i do love hearing other peoples stories.I agree i do need to get out more.I have the habit of including my children in my activities such as vacations and such which probably does not help me move on.Yet i feel like i owe them although i have beenthere for them their whole lives.They are always gratefull and never fail to thank me.I do feel though now that as my children have grown and my needs are differant that old friends are moving away from me or i may be moving away from them.I do find the conversations a little jaded now and i want new things.Hugs Ann
Posted 6/18/2008 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Kerry

Since your children are older and making their way in life .. It is time to finally start focusing on you.

Try little things at first. I planned a weekend trip to Kansas City, I felt so free!
Driving by myself,staying the the hotel that I wanted and shopping and eating where I wanted.
It was a little scary,but I had to make myself realize that I can do things alone.

Going places where there are other single people your age is also a good start... maybe a farmer's market,or a wine tasting event that you can be around other people for awhile.

I don't know what your interests are,just throwing some things out to you..
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