Shutting Yourself Off From The World

I've done this and don't know how to overcome it.

My life is a total mess. I'm almost 42 and don't have any close relationships to speak of.

I'm divorced, my daughter and I are not close (she's 17), my mom is clinically depressed and can make me feel I want to scream, my dad doesn't hardly acknowledge me, I didn't finish my degree, I'm waiting to hear if my bankruptcy is final, I work with doctors and nurses that have money to do what they want while I scrape by daily.....the list is endless. My daughter didn't even graduate with her class due to not getting a perfect score on a graduation test. Has all her credits and yet has to pass this test in order to get a diploma.

I've told myself if I don't tell people how I feel then it goes away. I have this place in my mind I can go where no one can hurt me, nor do I have to deal with the day to day stresses I feel. I get around people and I panic for I feel I have nothing to say - I have nothing to offer a conversation anyone would want to hear. I feel they can see I'm not in control of my life.

Some days I wake up and feel great - I go for days on a high that all is well. I even feel I'm ready for a relationship because I miss a man in my life. Then it hits me how out of control I feel and what little I can offer a man right now.

My question is - how in the world do you come out of a shell that YOU have created? How do you open up to people without them thinking you are a total psycho? I'm not dumb by any means....people compliment me on my brains and work ethic all the time...tell me how fun I am. When inside I feel like I'm gonna have a massive panic attack in public one day.

I want friends...and fun in my life. I've backed myself in a corner where I just go to work, come home, clean, eat, get on the computer.........and hide.

How do you do it??

Thanks for your reply.

I guess the one thing I live with is so much regret and guilt. My daughter is almost 18 and I feel I have to be home all the time for her. I don't even know what fun is anymore. I seem to find so much to pick on lately. I've come to a point where I almost feel tired of being the responsible one - her dad hasn't picked her up in 3 years and I've had no break of any kind. I went from one job right into the one I'm at now with no break between - went back to college - and haven't dated at all. Not even a movie with a man. Nothing.

Why do I feel I have to be home all the time?? She and I do not see eye to eye on anything much anymore. I know she tried to pass this test, but I also see a teenager that was allowed to do quite a bit due to no parents around. I was gone 60% of the time due to school and work and her dad just was not here at all. She doesn't seem to have any motivation for getting a job or helping around the house at all. On top of that, I have my mother wanting to buy her anything her heart desires...I almost feel like telling my mom she can take her for a few weeks. See how she is when it comes to doing things. She might see how worn out I really am. I love my daughter to death, but there comes a time when you have to say the excuse of her dad abandoning her is not reason for her to be so disrespectful towards me. Lots of kids come from broken homes and they turn out ok. I can't keep hearing how it's all his fault.

I'm just tired - I'm also going thru the change. I don't know how to handle much anymore. I feel hopeless and worthless even though I know I'm not. I would never try to hurt myself but there are times I think of just packing and leaving this town. Not even look behind me. Just go. I need a break and if I don't get one soon, I'm going to go crazy.

Thanks for listening.

hi thats kids for you we e nearly all had it i bet .you d o your best give them everything,but they truly behave and feel the world revolves around them,yes i too love my 18yr old son dearly.hes spoilt by his granny in fact hes unofficially moved in with her hes says i put too many restrictions on him,ie im not waiting with a meal cooked when he rolls in from a nightclub 3am he cant play his music at full welly all hours of the day and night (ive 3 other kids 2 are 5 and 6 yrs)he thinks its unreasonable to say hello to them now and again!he thinks hes hard done by hes never done without much weve never been poor,we made sure he never went without love and emotional support and so it goes on.i think hes making me pay for splitting up with his dad when he was 14 .i only patientlywait til the day he c0mes out from under these rose coloured glasses and realises what a twerp hes being and finally grows up.i keep saying this to people make time for you.you cant live your kids lives at this age theve got learning and growing to do themselves ,turn off the guilt a little a day and give yourself some attention.theyll never act or behave the way you think or want them too until they grow up have that realisation and maturity to change you cant force it . you cant put your life on hold your gonna end up ill and miserable then before you knowit lifes past you by. take care tigereye x