I just Didn't Need this Today ......Pat 2 by Restless.

how is the little Joey doing?

How are you doing, please check in and say hello...

Restless
I am so sorry for the loss of the little girl leaving. It is obvious that you were very attached.
Will the parents let you at least continue communication with them? That way you know how she is doing.
Maybe they will even send pictures of her as she grows older.

I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling with the loss of your son. I just hope that the days get easier with that. You are a very good mom,and I know he was loved and knew it.

I don't think that you should have stopped the meds cold turkey. I think that you needed to be careful with them.But you need something.

Can you call the doctor and be honest with them? Tell them that you need something that will get you through the night.

I am worried about the withdrawals of you not taking anything,and then of course not having anything to help with your depression...

Dear Restless,

I am so glad you have returned and I agree with Shy, going cold turkey on the meds can be very dangerous. 

As far as your husband, tell him no more, enough is enough.  Stand up for you.  You can do this and please think of your wonderful son who has died and how sad he would be to see you suffering so much.  Could you start working on the good in your life as you have good, we all do.  You have the memories of your son and look at his picture and think about how you can honor him by putting the pieces back together.

My daughter asked me about 6 months after my Todd died and I cried everyday, "Mom, are you ever going to be happy again?".  That was an eye opener for me........I had 3 wonderful children living and I needed to start letting them know I would be ok and I would continue to be their Mom.  They, too, had lost someone they loved, their brother.

So please take this in the way it is meant.................don't let yourself die with your son but live on for him and remember you have family that needs you.

You have so much you can do to bring your family back together.  They are floundering and perhaps you can help all of you become family again.  This won't happen overnight, but please try. 

Hugs

Kitt

Hi Sugar,

I just wanted to welcome you to Healing Well Depression Forum.
As you can see, there is a wonderful group of members here and we all are happy to have you aboard.

Keep posting,
hugs, Karen...

Thanks everyone for being there for me i really do appreciate your support .
Kitt thank you i understand what you are saying and it`s hard to go on .
I know i have often hidden behind the little ones i have cared for and used them as excuses for not doing a lot of things .Thats why o have decided not to care for anymore .I know it will give hubby some thing to hit back at me because i used that money to pay a lot of the bills at the end of each week that had not been met .But thats it for a while .Today i`m faced with having one of my joeys being put to sleep and it`s hard to be there and hold her through it but i have to do this .I am going to pull a few weeds in the garden as i have not been outside in such a long time they have taken over .I`m spending most of the day on my own the kids are on their way down for their orthodontic work and won`t be back until late this afternoon ( i`m so looking forward to them being away)
I told hubby what i`m doing about the meds and also told him he has to put up with whats going to happen over the next few days so here`s hoping .I know they are not helping the inside of me is dying and they are just covering up as others have said it`s me and only me who can fix the problem so stopping them was the only thing i can do .I would of liked the dr to be in on it but i could not wait another two weeks and then be told no i can`t do it just like the last time i saw her .
Delilah i know what you mean about the animals but it`s heart breaking when you loose one like i will today i still have two others here to help me get thruough ,mine are going to be with me for over fourteen months or more before they are set free you become so attached to each one even after a few days .
Hi Sugar i know when i was away having treatment last year i did book to have a massarge it was so good but one hour isn`t long enough to relax in i`m hoping to loose some weight and then as a treat i`m going to have some more but atm it`s not possible due to finances ,I do have some relaxation dvds that i`m planning to use a lot more i know they are great but kept putting them off as i never had the time nor freedom to use much .
I have to go as i need to feed my joeys and put some more wood on the fire it`s really cold here today .
Jane

Its ok Karen i know what i`m in for when i did the same thing a couple of years ago but this time i did warn hubby that i stopped then i`m feeling ok just a bit teary and am not planning on overdoing it with things for a while .Even booked in this afternoon to have my hair done as i know it will make me feel a bit better .
Sort of dissapointed my oldest daughter texted me last night and said she would come up this morning but not going to dwell on it as they set me up all the time only to be dissapointed .
My little joey is asleep now the vet said there wasn`t anything she could of done as i could not afford $1000.00 for her to be operated on and then there was no guarentee that it would be ok .It was for the best as they needs thir legs in top condition to be able to be set free.
The gardening has been put on hold it`s a miserable day outside so i`m staying in where it`s nice and warm .
Jane

No i still have to wait two weeks no matter what today is day two without them and i know it`s starting to effect me .i`m very impatient good thing i was here by myself all day .I have had the shakes on and off through the day but am able to handle them .I spent the afternoon at the hairdressers and i managed ok .Tomorrow i`m planning to be outside if the weather is ok just to be away from the family a bit .Tonight i`m really tired from the lack of sleep mostly It`s hubby who is, keeping me awake with his snoring now but he said that since i have stopped the meds i have not snored not sure if it`s because i`m not sleeping as well as i did on them or what it is .We had a big arguement the other night which bought out a few things .
I told my oldest daughter that i had stopped them and told her the reason she wasn`t so happy to hear it but it`s me that has to live with it and not her .
Shy it was sad about the joey and of course it was hard but i already knew before i went there that she would be put to sleep so was sort of prepared for it .
The family are in watching a movie so i think i will head to bed to see if i can sleep .Tonight i`m turning up the heat on the water bed as i know it`s too cold atm i`m hoping it will help me sleep a bit better .
One of my friends rang tonight she mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and has just undergone surgery to remove part of her lung she is all clear now so hoping she makes a speedy recovery and is home soon .This news made my day today just when i needed a pick me up.
Jane

hi there i wish i could do or say something to take it all away from you.icant and sometimes we have to go through the **it to get to the other side, dont ask me why,apparantly everthing happens for a reason ,it helps us grow and make us the beautiful people we are.ive met people like you who have been pushed and pushed to the limits throughout their lives you and they are special people .i admire your courage and the goodness inside you despites all the things that life has thrown your way.please dont stop communicating with us*have a back up plan set and ready for when you get the lowest ie phone numbas for support especially at short notice.the world would be a lonelier place without you and your gooness that divine spark that is un all of us somewhere.
take care my healing thoughts are with you.tigereye x

Yesterday was a good day i felt so alive i`m sort of on a high ( thats the only way i can describe what i`m feeling like when they inject strong pain killers) i`ve been in a hyped up mode .I know i have very little very close to no patience at the moment and my family are certainly noticing it .My head is in a bit of a spin at the moment and i find that hard to deal with it`s making me feel unwell but it`s ok .Last night i woke up so many times so hot then throwing the bed clothes off only to pull them back up a few minutes later .I find it so draining going to bed because i`m not sleeping much .In a way it`s good that i have no little ones to care for while i`m like this .
Tigereye i have been to see the drs before when i got really bad only to be yelled at and put down so i will never go there again.If i can`t handle whats happening by myself with the help of my online friends then so be it .When i saw the psychologist the other day i told her that but i really don`t want to see the dr again.
Today i have a meeting this afternoon not sure how i will go with it but i have to go it`s for the animals i have in my care but i`m not staying for long only to tell them what i have to .I think being in a room full of people is so hard for me at the best of times and in my present state not a good place to be at all.I sort of know my limits and what i can handle so if i stick to my plan then hopefully i`ll be ok.
It`s funny a lot of people say they wished they could do more but believe me just having the support in the words we all write is enough most of the time .We all have fought battles in our lives some a little harder than others but thats life and i`m sure it does make us a little stronger with each one we fight .My only thoughts would be please stop the world i want to get off and have a rest i`m just so tired of fighting them .
Then the next thing i find a new little one to care for weather it be a furry one or human one they are there and they at times make me smile or laugh and for that very short moment i have had that rest and given the courage to continue on.Life is hard at the best of times but there are those who have it a lot worse than me.
Jane

I just have to mention this because you mentioned dogs Kitt, but when I went to put Dharma (my german shepard) out to go potty this evening, there was one of those chinese crested hairless dogs in the yard. It looked so funny. Of course Dharma was not pleased so I had to bring her back in while my hubby chased the dog out of the yard.

I swear when I first saw it I thought it was a miniature horse or some kind of creature. I laughed so hard, it was so funny looking with the big tuft of hair on it's head and the end of it's tail.

I really got a kick out of it.

I just had to mention that. It seemed appropriate at the time.

LOL
Karen...

Afternoon Kitt these days i`m not sure of anything but know the meds were not making me feel very good .Nothing changes how i feel on the inside and the side effects were more of a problem than the benefits. The other day when i got on the scales i was so shocked and it didn`t take that much more to decide to come of them .
I do like caring for the animals but somedays i find them so difficult to handle .
I`m just so short tempered and impatient atm and some of the things that i just come out with even make me wonder after a while if i`m just mad .
I feel so unhappy with my life in how its gone and whats happened along the way .
Today is a really down day i have tried to keep busy ( cleaned the house in record time ) but it`s been really hard hubby is home today and i just feel as though i want to be alone .But it`s better that i`m not alone .
I know i`m not sleeping very well at night and this isn`t helping .
Just one of those days i suppose .
Restless

Restless

It is time my friend to reach out for other help.
Please listen,even though your family does not appreciate you,think of what you not being around will do to them?

We as mother's are supposed to be around for our children and future grandchildren for as long as we can.

You do not want your family to live with the pain of you not being around.

Do not let this depression beat you. You have been through too much,and you have won.

Even though the days look gray,you seem to always come out ok. I know it doesn't seem like it now,but you do.

Please call someone that can help. Even if you have to go see other family members or friends for a few days.

We are all very worried about you, and want to know that you are ok...