New here.

So heres my story. I'm a mother of 3 children, who I love but make their lives hard at times, who are 7,8, and 9. I have a husband who has not and does not understand my depression, and has been a lot of the reason of relapse. I had my first true episode when my daughter (the oldest) was about 4 months and I found out I was pregnant again, then miscarried. I continued on with a long period of depression for the next two years while pregnant with my boys, hubby didn't understand and left and came back several times. While pregnant with last child (not planned, he had a vysectomy) he left and moved in with another girl. We resolved our problems when my youngest was about 6 months old. I was over a lot of my depression by then, I think a lot had to do with loosing 100 pounds and feeling so much better about myself. Now I have relapse stages when something doesn't go as planned. Like this time, I didn't get promoted up to full-time that I need because my husband is being layed off. I'm worried about bills because I only work during the school year, so money is tight during the summer anyway. My daughter has to have braces, not cheap! I'm worried about my brother who's dating a girl who has hurt him so much in the past. I feel like the whole world is coming down on me. I don't have any friends to go out with or call. I have one good friend that I have met online at a coupon forum that "listens" when I need her. I've been so tempted to check into a mental health center to just get a break. Anyway, there's my pathetic story.

Hi Abb

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you found us.

I agree with Darren,I think you may have to limit your worries for right now...I know it is easier said than done.. But you can only take on so much.

Have you been to the doctor? I think it might be time to ask for help. They may want to put you on meds to help you get through the depression.
Also,have you thought about any type of counseling? It is a huge help in our lives..

Dear abb213,

I can relate to your feelings when it seems like everything is going wrong. For me, I too become sensitive to everything, like noises such as people gum-smacking on the subway or just someone who is walking too slowly in front of me. The irritability is overwhelming and I feel like I'm just going to totally lose it.

When it gets to the point when it feels like EVERYTHING is getting to you, when you feel irritable at the small things, and can't prioritize the importance of problems, then that indicates something that is physically wrong. Normally, when we're stable I think the ability to prioritize problems is easier. So maybe you do need to either try a different SSRI, or add a new one to your regimen.

If it is either your psychiatrist or general doctor that prescribes you the Paxil, maybe you should ask if they could recommend a counsellor or someone other than that one center.

Also thanks to the internet, there is something called e-therapy. I haven't tried it. But I did a quick google search for "psychologist counselling online phone" and here are some sites that offer sessions by professionals either online or by phone:

http://www.find-a-therapist.com/
http://www.etherapistsonline.com/aboutetherapy.htm

When it is as bad as you are now feeling, then sometimes just the very thought of having to even pick up the phone can feel overwhelming.  I've gone weeks where I was so depressed the very thought of going through that process was too much and it was all I could do to get out of bed and crawl to work (figuratively of course!).

But I would strongly urge you to find a professional, because you have had some horrendous and traumatic experiences, that perhaps you haven't worked through. Plus it seems the one support system you should automatically rely on, your husband, isn't fulfilling that role effectively.

God knows it can take ages to find the right therapist. And each bad experience (especially the ones who judge or critize), can set you way back on a downward sprial and you think why bother. But you must try to keep on until you find someone.  And remember its not just you will benefit from getting help, but your kids will too.

Good luck and hugs
Enz

ENZ,

Thank you for the supportive comments. I will check that website out.

Hi Abb

I am a 51 year old woman who has been on paxl for 12 years, anti depressants for 18.

I can't speak for everyone else but each time i have weaned off of them, and i encounter multiple stressful situations,

i have a complete breakdown.  I have one daughter living in L.A. who is so busy, and on Zoloft herself, she can't be of

much help.  My husband is here when i need him, but otherwise clueless.

I just started back on my paxil (generic) about 5 days ago, after being off of them for 5 months.  I absolutely

cannot function without them.  I was suicidal 18 years ago, and within 2 weeks of being on a tri-cyclic called PAMELOR,

I was almost 50% myself again. 

I am not  PILL POPPER.  I can only speak for myself. 

I just know that the horrible depression im going thru right now is almost unbearable.  I too, abb was thinking about checking into somwhere, where i could have people all around me, just taking care of me.  I'm dreading tomorrow, when hubby has to go back to work and i'm all alone. 

  Where i live it's 114 outside right now, so that doesn't help at ALL.  I'm a fresh air, outdoor person, and this heat and having to keep the house locked up and dark is killing me as well as my depression.

My back is killing me from sitting around all day, but i just can't get out it's too darn hot.  I'd pass out, the way i'm feeling.

How are you feeling abb?

abb213 said...
I am on Paxil and have been for two years now. I've tried counseling several times but the counselors are rude. We only have one center in my area and everyone who I have spoken to has gotten the same rudeness. I do try to limit what I worry about but when I'm having a relapse, everything gets to me. It can be from someone at church chewing their gum too loudly or the weather, anything.

Eryn

Oh yes, one thing that we have to deal with is that people who do not have depression simply do not know how to deal with us.

I think they disappear because they are not sure what to say,and are afraid of saying the wrong things.
Also,keep in mind that if a friend does not stand by your side when you need them the most,then they really were not a true friend in the first place.

At this point in your life,you need to take care of yourself and just let them do their own things.

Someday when those "friends" need someone,you can be the better person and be there for them.

I am so glad that you are getting help,that is the first step in beating the depression.

Keep us updated on what is going on.

Heej Abb,

Your absolutely right when you state that it is easy to give tips how to get out of depression. I have a load of tips, tricks, stuff to say to myself when I am feeling down, but once I'm down, I'm down, and it won't help. It does however help if I catch the upcoming sadness soon enough.

Maybe it will help if you rediscover the beauty of being alive. Listen to the birds, feeling the wind, sun, or rain on my skin, things like that help me to become in peace again. Problems only exist in your head, when you attach emotional value to situations. This philosophy helps me to stop worrying about problems, because in the end they don't really exist. The world is just a reflection of the way you look at it. In a depressed state, everything will be against you. If you, however, can smile at the world and its situations, the world will smile back. Believe me.

And please believe me when I say that problems are mind-created and thus can be changed into situations without negativity. You, of course, don't have to accept what I am saying, but it could get rid of a lot, if not all, negativity.

I wish you all the best!
Erik