They're on a mission *rant*

I don't know sometimes what my doctors are on, I don't know where they get there ideas from. I don't know how too shut them up saying silly stuff. It really is like they are on a mission too panic me, and see if they can break me somehow. I dunno.

All this is coming about because the wonderful doctors last week were suggesting I had clamydia, then decided I didn't fit into any of the symptoms. Which just seems like such an unecessary panic too have put me through. Today, it's HIV!!!!!!!! AND they want me too see a councillor too discuss having a test for it. On Monday I will be having blood taken for everything else under the sun, as they want too rule out absolutely everything that my muscle problem could be. But, they won't do any HIV test until I have seen a councilor, and apprently seeing my psychiatrist and social worker on Wednesday isn't good enough.

Then, to top it off, the doc says-well, it's probably not HIV, it doesn't fit any of your symptoms. So why send me too a councillor I don't need, to do a test for something which I'm showing no symptoms for.

I'm lost, seriously, what am I missing here-there has too be a point to this whole discussion wth this consultant somewhere. My brain feels like it may break soon.

Argghhh I'm so angry!!!!!!!

Right.........Breathe.......I really should breath.....

darn, and it's my social group tonight, what I day, when I suddenly really don't feel like being sociable.....Infact solitary confinement might the best idea for the next hour or so.......Grrrr!!!!!!!!!

I have no idea about it being a ntional rule. If it is-it's a ridiculous one! Why not let people actually decide if they need a councillor or not. Or even better like you say, do the blood work, and deal with the answers later. Why get me all worked up, and discussing all possible outcomes with a person I don't know, or for that matter automically do not trust because of the way this has been brought up. When I have a perfectly briliant psychiatrist and a superb socialworker, who both sort me out with anything I need the rest of the time.

Ok, Well, I've decided I can't worry about it now, I have too go to this social group. Until today, I was looking forward too it, and I'll regret it if I don't go. That's where my heads going, I can do this. I can force this just you watch.

Then on Monday, I can calmly go into the CF unit, and ask my CF nurse too speak in Gemma language what is going on. Why my neurologist is trying too break my brain and stress me out more. Then, when I find out, I will change my appointments with my neurologist too 8 monthly, as the 6 month gap obviously isn't long enough to make me forgive the rest of the stupid stuff they said last time.

Breathe.......Still trying this whole breathing thing........It's not working too well

Kitt, thankyou for listening/reading and responding. I needed that rant, and it's good too know it doesn't make sense too someone else. I thought it was maybe just me going loopy again.

Off too go get some makeup on, and some glitter, and some glitter mosturiser over my tattoo. The law-I can't be upset if I'm wearing black eye liner-or it will smudge and then I'll look stoopid! I can't get my tattoo wet with tears, or it will dry funny and look nasty, I can't get my hair wet with tears, or I will send the white top I'm wearing pink, having only redyed yesterday.

Hugs back
luvs ya too hun,thankyou my friend!!!!!! x

I cannot believe how insensitive and unfeeling this doctor of yours is. Why should he/she put you through panic when it is totally not necessary. We all go through tests, hoping for the best, and this is no exception. Doctors might be book smart, but sometimes they are so downright stupid and horrible people.

Hang in there, and hopefully everything will be fine, and if not you will receive treatment. Don't panic, but consider changing your doctor to one who has a good bedside manner and is compassionate. It is nerve wracking enough for you right now, and you need someone who really cares about you personally.

I will pray that everything works out for you, so for now, just ignore the doctor's nastiness and stupidity, and take it from there. I am sure many of us at this website care very much about you and your health. Take care.

Hmmmm, somethings wrong though I don't know what.

I haven't been feeling entirely happy this week, and it parts just feeling really really low. Everything still feels really hard though.
I have somehow just managed too convince my psych I am completely happy. This isn't usually an easy task, even when I pretend too be happy, she can usually tell. I'm wondering whether these underlying things I'm feeling, aren't actually affecting me as much as I think they are. Or I've just got better at hiding.

Still really annoyed with consultant, there is no way of changing doctors either, due too lots of little complications. I've decided it's a definate that I'm making gap between appointments even longer though. I can't be doing with him upheaving everything every 6 months.

My psych doesn't see why I'd need a councillor. She is going too send a letter to find out what is actually going on.

Seen my social worker today. I'm so sad that she is leaving, her last day is tomorrow. It's going too be a while before they ge in a replacement, but I can't be doing with a replacement anyway. I've decided I am forming no more bonds with medical staff, as it hurts to much too say goodbye. Knowing that everything is going too change again.

On an upside, the hospital are the only downfall in my life right now, and it is the only thing I can stumble on. Much easier too just avoid them/ignore just them, than having billions of little things like I used too have.

Test results are due back soon I hope. I am hoping, I can get the results straight away, and not have too wait for my next appointment with anyone.

Darkie, that is insane! I see no sense in seeing an HIV counselor before you're diagnosed especially when they don't even think you really have it!!! What a ridiculous thing to put people through. Why won't they just let you see the psychiatrist you're already seeing instead of going through someone else?? So weird. I hope everything works out and you can figure out what it really is. Hopefully it's not something serious either.

I'm curious, where's your tattoo at? Tattoos are one thing that make me happy, I have seven now and the only reason I don't have more is I'm broke at the moment, haha.
I have noticed though I definitely get different treatment when people see I have tattoos, even with doctors- I went to the dentist once and I was in such excrutiating pain after the first visit that when I went to the second I asked for some pain meds and he basically told me that since I have tattoos and peircings I could OBVIOUSLY deal with the pain, and refused to give me ANYTHING. And I have never asked for pain meds from anyone but nothing else worked, that's how bad it was. Needless to say I never went there again.

That's my most recent one and my favorite, my orchid flower- it has faded out a tiny bit and I need to get it touched up, only problem is the artist (Michele Wortman) is in Illinois and I'm now in Florida!! But I hope to see her again soon to have her go over it and extend it down a bit with a hummingbird and a few accenting flowers and butterflies. I'm such a girl, hahah.

piercings. I remind them though, that a tatooist is an artist, and are nice and gentle and slow. Phlebs are just in the job too steal blood from people, and are going fast to rush through patients. There for they pull and tug and hurt more...........That's my excuse and I'm sticking too it cool

Also notice how it very nicely covers my vein. this is because they scared me and bruised me, when they tok blood last. So I decided too have it all covered over. My cf doc (nice doc) has decided I'm just weird.

Drooling at yours ediekristen! The colours are so bright! Much better than you get here!

Karen, you can always design tattoos for people, it would be like having your artwork drawn onto people, even if you dont do the actual tattooing

Feeling very tired today, rest day today. Got too get some z's in ready for a busy day tomorrow. This social life is excellant, but if I'm already feeling mentally exhausted, I have too rest so much more often too be able too cope with it all. I'm trying not too think. If I don't think, then nothing can hurt me.........I hope!